Submission

A 900-post collection

Challenge #00948-B217: Death Be Not Proud

The Tale of the Good Necromancer

[AN: Have to do a rewrite since my internet is a sack of suck and I forgot to save the text when I refreshed the edit screen. Fuck my life.]

The necromancer who called herself Corviddia wore black, of course. Because some things about necromancy can not be avoided. But she made sure it was a neat and respectable black. Austere without being severe. Dark without being menacing. She wore ribbon flowers on her hat and wound a rainbow of ribbons around her mage’s staff.

Death follows necromancers. Everyone knows this. It’s why you never see one riding a living animal. Sure, some can and do choose to ride skeletal steeds, but its never comfortable and it always smells. Therefore, when she can not obtain a cart or a carriage, she walks.

And yet, Corviddia insists she can heal. People are glad to see her and the peculiar, grey porcelain doll she carries with her. It only has eyes and a mouth. And is dressed in a simple shift. Few have been brave enough to ask her what it is for. Most of the time, it sits or lies around when she is working on the very ill.

When it comes to ‘kill or cure’, Corviddia knows her stuff.

Goodie Wainwright was rather glad it had come out as ‘cure’ this time, and fussed over tea. She could have easily used a necromancer months ago, when Millie’s twin brother had been found in the duck pond.

Far too late, now.

“I don’t understand,“ she said, pouring hot water very carefully into her Best Teapot. “Necromancy’s death magic. You kill things.”

Corviddia was wan and weak from her work, so she whispered. As always, the doll sat next to her. “I enhance the death present in all life. Mostly, when I choose to.” Her fingers trembled a little as they wrapped around the cup.

“Aye. I know. So how is it that Millie is alive and well and sleeping off consumption?”

Corviddia sipped her tea. Added some honey and stirred it in. The bell-like ring of teaspoon against china was the only sound. “Consumption is caused by unimaginably tiny life,” she said. “Hosts of them could exist on a pin-prick.”

Goodie Wainwright turned to stare in horror at her sewing basket.

“No. They don’t really live there,” a soft chuckle. “I’m trying to give you a sense of scale.” Sip. Sigh. “And if hosts can live on a pinprick, then there is no word for the number that was living in your Millie. More than millions.”

“I’m havin’ a hard time thinking beyond hundreds, beggin’ your pardon.”

Corviddia nodded. “I brought death to all of them. All of their hundreds of hosts. And I directed their corpses into her bowels. She will have a rough night on the privy, but that will be the end of it.”

“Don’t your kind feed off death?”

“Some choose to. That way lies corruption… at least… the way you mean it. All life feeds off death. Some are just more… direct.” Corviddia spared a smile, “And besides, bacteria deaths taste awful.”

This was supposed to be a joke. Goodie Wainwright plucked up a smile and the ghost of a laugh.

Corviddia sipped her tea again and talked to apparently thin air. “Yes, I know you want to talk. Use the doll. That’s what it’s there for.”

The doll, apparently slumbering in the neighbouring chair, raised its head and opened its eyes. Its previously featureless face now looked like Ardie.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen, Ama. I only wanted to get a skater beetle ‘cause it was so pretty. I didn’t know the stones were all over yuck. I should’a stayed out of it. I didn’t wanna make you cry.”

Tears stung her eyes. Flooded her face. Goodie Wainwright covered her mouth to keep herself from bawling anew. “…oh my baby…” she whimpered through her fingers. “…i know, sweetie. I know…”

“Millie can hear me, so I’m helping her stay out of trouble,” said the doll with Ardie’s voice. “I love you, Ama.” The doll sagged and closed its eyes. It was just a grey, porcelain doll again.

“…come back?” pleaded Goodie Wainwright.

“Only the strongest of souls can wear a deathclay golem full time,” said Corviddia. “Even then, it is difficult to move and perform simple tasks. You’ve doubtless heard of the Everlasting King?”

Otherwise known as the King of Nothing. So selfish and spiteful that he refused to give his kingdom to anyone and ruled it from a clay body that had been filled with his bones. His kingdom had since been abandoned and all he had left was a crumbling ruin of a castle and his granite throne.

“You could make Ardie a body of corn husks and a drop of your blood. Or Millie’s. It would need constant maintenance, but you would see and hear him again. And he would never be as strong as he once was.”

“We don’t grow corn. Soil’s bad for it.”

Corviddia put her tea down so she could rummage in her pack. She brought out a porcelain spoon, of the same grey matter as the doll. She put it down on the table. “This will be easier for him He can point it, or make it tap.”

The spoon obeyed, spinning in place. Then it tapped out Ardie’s knock.

“One tap for yes, twice for no. And you can point the handle in any way you want your Ama to look,” said Corviddia.

Ardie spun the handle to point to Millie and tapped once.

Millie had woken up. “Ama? You know about Ardie, now? Why I didn’t cry?”

“Aye,” said Goodie Wainwright. “I dare say we’ll all know about Ardie before long.”

Ardie made the spoon rock and dance on the table.

“He’s glad,” translated Millie.

[Muse food remaining: 9. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Let Sleeping Beauties Lie...

The cursed princess in the castle tower was asleep for a very good reason.  The people of her kingdom were only safe during the day… and even then just barely.

(#00947-B216)

Prince Philip wasn’t exactly inclined to listen to good advice. As a child he ate sweets before dinnertime, and crept off to play with the faeries in the wood.

The fae didn’t want him, which possibly tells you all you never needed to know about Prince Philip.

Now that

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Challenge #00946-B215: The Houyhnhnms' Arrival

A new species  arrives on the station, and the humans Will Not Stop Staring.

New species is worried. Did it offend them somehow? Is it edible?

Meanwhile all the humans are thinking is “Holy ***,. a unicorn.”

G’pux soothed her new companion by petting her neck. “There, now. It’s all right. It’s natural to be a little tense when meeting the Galactic Alliance.”

Thrass tossed her head and stamped uncertainly, Though she fit the pattern for Horse, she was undoubtedly

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Challenge #00945-B214: After the Revolution

You might like this.

The Pyro Plague had finally run its course. The only plants left to make the air marginally breathable were the ones that were too toxic for the Plague to attack. Which was nice for those plants, but not so great for the humans who needed them to live.

Of course, the people revolted against the companies who had made the plague possible. And who insisted on monocultures of food crops, genetically engineered to be delicious. When the plague

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Challenge #00944-B213: One Bad Day at Station Customs

http://brutusfeels.tumblr.com/post/125690756909/haberdashing-ofshxeld-my-favourite-trope-is

Have fun!

The haughty Meyahndan in gold-coloured hunting leathers sneered down her nose at Pol. “We are Felids,” she said, showing her claws by tapping her fist against the opposite shoulder. “We are never unarmed.”

Why did her first day have to happen during an Ambassadorial Meet? “One moment,” she said, consulting the manual. Ah. Meyahndese. Yes. “Uhm. It says you have to have a permit? Otherwise you have to clip them short.”

She hissed

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Challenge #00943-B212: 'Straya Mate

Someone runs across this book. And then are told about the fact in the last comment.

“This,” said T’reka a’Nyerrik, “is a book for N’Ozzie children?”

“Yes,” said the helpful Archivaas with a bundle of similar tomes. “N’Oz colonists insisted on bringing their -ah- scientifically interesting native flora and fauna with them from Australia.”

Ah yes. Australia. The only land mass on Earth that almost rated a Level Six on the Deathworlder scale. In fact, N’Oz itself

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Challenge #00942-B211: Skewed Threat Assessment

Someone aware of how beneficial, on the whole, spiders are to humanity asks why there is such a disconnect between the threat posed by and reaction to spiders as opposed to the threat posed by and reaction to mosquitoes.

(Let’s ignore the Sydney Funnel Web, for the purposes of this discussion)

“Statistically speaking,” allowed Nik, “your species has more to fear from the Mosquito than it does any arachnid. Or pseudo-arachnid, for that matter.”

“Logically,” countered Shayde, “ye got a point.

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Challenge #00941-B210: Idiosyncrasies

The person who asked about the human Oshit reaction witnesses a human watching the YMCA spider video for the first time (and the human is not like one of my best friends, whose reaction is still “Kill it with fire!”)

K’leb’th happened to find a space to sit near an unfamiliar human. Ze was messing around with a palm-sized device and occasionally playing things for hirself.

Ah. This human, much like Cambry, had subscribed to The Daily Meme, a co-operative

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Challenge #00940-B209: Arachnophilia

An alien aware of the general human reaction to spiders runs across someone whose first response to an Oshit is “how cute!”

“Being cautious, please, Engineer Murray,” K’teth warned as she unlocked her vessel. “Security measures on vessel mine being non-standard.“

The brown-skinned human grinned. “No worries. You can call me Baz. Everyone does. Now… I know you were knocking around Pirate Turf for a year or so?”

“Yes. Learning fast, am I, there are few tech solutions to hackers.

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Challenge #00939-B208: Universal Reactions

Someone finally asks a human why there is such a nigh-universal-among-the-species visceral reaction to an Oshit when seeing one up close for the first time.

Many scientific establishments hired Humans to conduct the more risky aspects of their experiments. Firstly, because the humans were tough enough to withstand the results. Secondly, because they were insane enough to want to repeat the experience.

They also used vermin as experimental animals.

“What ho, loony lizards,” said Cambry. She aimed a lazy salute at the

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Challenge #00938-B207: Human Phenomena

An alien witnessing a human do the “Just walked through a spiderweb” dance for the first time

OR

A scholar writing a research paper on the one dance universal to all human tribal cultures, the “Spiderweb” dance.

In augmented scope sight, the web was clearly visible. And the spider itself stood out like a miniature sun.

“This spider,” whispered a lizard off to one side of the screen, “has been weaving and re-weaving its web all night. In a few hours, it

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Challenge #00937-B206: Living Proof

Another Humans Are Crazy point: most bright colours in the animal kingdom are for either a mating display or are a poison warning. The brighter the colours, the more likely it’s poison - see snakes and frogs, even compared to peacocks they are brighter (if less visually spectacular overall).

Most other animals, on seeing the fluorescent poison warning colours, are rightly horrified. 

Meanwhile, humans think they are pretty.

Of all the ambassadorial mistakes Harry could have made, this one pretty much

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Challenge #00936-B205: An Ace Up Her Sleeve

(Since we can do this, let’s try a different post)

Pick a prompt from one of these:

http://thepreciousthing.tumblr.com/post/121702150607/finding-flight-okay-but-imagine-a-medieval

“You fool,” crowed Master Magistar. “You thought that underwater level was a simple defensive measure!” He cackled in his usual, evil manner. “I filled that labyrinth with pure Love Potion! You cannot hope to defeat your one, true love.”

“Watch me,” said Aiana the Mighty unsheathed her rapier point. “Have you nothing else to defend yourself with,

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Challenge #00935-B204: Human Terminology

(Came up with this and thought of a certain sawn-off lunatic, but it doesn’t have to be Vorkosigan fic if you don’t want it to be)

“When you say ‘secure on three flanks, with an opportunity to the north’, what you really mean is ‘cut off on three sides, with enemies front’, isn’t it?

“I mean both!

[AN: SO very tempted to write one of the Vorkosigan brats…]

Hwell returned covered in soot and a light

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Challenge #00934-B203: Loverly Spam...

You don’t reference Monty Python to be helpful, you reference Monty Python because you can.

On the upside, they now had an interstellar ‘ride‘. On the downside, it was an abandoned freighter. Its hold was still full. Which meant that the parental company had pulled the plug and evacuated the pilot when the cargo proved to be valueless.

And, of course, Shayde had to look.

“No,” she grinned. The tone of her voice made it sound like a good thing.

Which

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