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Myths Illogical

A 178-post collection

Challenge #01858-E034: Dialup Inferno

the number of the beast -- MaxMundan

"Good day, I represent the technical support department of Microsoft Enterprises. We've detected an anomaly on your computer."

"How did you get this number?" said the gruff, gravelly voice on the other end.

"Could you please tell me which version of Windows you are running on your computer, sir?"

"How did you get this number?" said the person on the other side. "You should not have this number."

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Challenge #01855-E031: Hello, Goodbye

Family photos, Wedding groups, school photographs. -- KnitNan

They say that Elves don't age. That's not true. They do age, just incredibly slowly. You can see it, if you journey down a particular hallway in a particular house where the city grew up around it.

They say that Elves steal children. This is a lie. They only take those who have clearly been abandoned. This Elf, once upon a sleeting autumn day, picked up an abandoned infant that had been left to

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Challenge #01844-E020: Considering Coconuts

http://otherwindow.tumblr.com/post/168918610430/ -- Anon Guest

Merfolk didn't want to have much to do with the surface. There was plenty more to eat under the water and they knew it. But the two-legs-like-us[1] were getting deeper and deeper nets, and something had to be done. Let's just say mistakes were made on both sides. Most notable of these is coconuts.

For eons of Merfolk civilisation, they understood coconuts as ill omens. Something that is made to float, sinking

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Challenge #01843-E019: Reminded of the Babe?

Don't do something permanently stupid just because you're temporarily upset. -- Anon Guest

My mother said/ I never should/ play with the faeries in the wood... - nursery rhyme.

The fae folk had her baby. Toddler. Even though her child could walk and talk after a fashion and perform simple tasks, Esa was still her baby and would be so until the day Risso died. Which might be soon, considering that she was marching into Fae territory with naught but her apron

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Challenge #01829-E005: Working Holiday

Terpsichore, Muse of Dancing - conga line, Nuf Said! -- Knitnan

Even divinities need a holiday. After inspiring dancers to do new and interesting things with their bodies, with their costumes, even with lighting and how they made the music they danced to - while they were dancing - even a divine force needed a breather.

But a goddess of dance must go where she is worshipped.

You could spot her if you tried. There's just something more about the embodiment of

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Challenge #01828-E004: A Little Inspired

Erato, Muse of erotic poetry is reading the scrawl on a university toilet door (Probably misspelt.). -- Knitnan

Gods cling to that which feeds them. What they are responsible for, especially the performative stuff, is also their meat and milk. Thus, you might expect Erato to gain the sickly pallor of the people one expects to find in seedy adult stores, as well as the general doughy body of the assumed clientele. Such is not the case. Erato is healthy, well-traveled, and

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Challenge #01827-E001: Speech of the Gods

Calliope, Muse of Music crosses the path of the musical instrument named in her honour, the Steam Calliope. -- Knitnan

In the lack of belief, gods and demigods go to wherever their name is still spoken, written, or known. She was once such a demigod. The muse of music. She had had believers. She had had worship. Now... all she had left was her name. Calliope. And it was here that her name was given to a machine.

They counted the year

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Challenge #01824-D363: A Slice of Salvation

Decorating a cake while Trying to sing along with the radio and accidentally summoning a demon. -- Bard2dBone

There are some songs you just can't sing. Or bits of them that only the singer can manage. And in those moments, the rest of the world just utters a string of gibberish that sort of almost fits what's really there. The most popular examples of this are Felize Navidad and the middle bit of One Week. There are always others. You know the

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Challenge #01814-D353: A Deal's a Deal

A lonely person sells their soul to Satan to be their friend —phantomrose96, tumblr(?) -- TheDragonsFlame

"Anything your heart desires," said the lord of all evil. The standard contract was not only long but in incredibly myopic print. The only legible words were, sign here. "All for one little thing that you're not even certain could exist."

"I only want one thing," Marvin said, signing his name in blood. "A good friend."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Oh... kay? Eternity of torment after

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Challenge #01794-D333: An Argument Against Paradise

"So... so... from your grand cosmic point of view, my entire life, from the moment I was born till the day I die, is... is just a bit of idle entertainment? My very existence, in the eyes of the gods... is just a... a bad joke?!"

"Well... actually - though I must note that's a terribly selfish and negative way to phrase things; it makes us all look quite callous and nasty, a rather rude thing on your part, you know -

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Challenge #01792-D331: No Werewolves on the Moon

... here’s a question: If werewolves become... wolves... under the full moon, what would happen if you put one ON the moon? (Assuming compatible life support) -- TheDragonsFlame

Welcome to Tsiolkovski crater. No lycanthropes need apply. The second sentence had been added by a graffiti artist of no repute and was faded in the unrelenting sunlight. Lupe bunny-hopped past it on the way to the colony.

If this was what passed for jokes in this space-town...

She found the nearest airlock easily

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Challenge #01791-D330: Reserved Seating

Exorcist/Psychic: “Oh spirit that dwells in this place, why have you not moved on?” … He says that he wants you to keep him updated on [TV show] since he died before it ended.” -- TheDragonsFlame

It was a nice little house. Cosy without being cramped. Light and airy without being exposed and drafty. It was, in essence, the last place anyone would expect to be haunted. And yet it was.

The living room was always rearranged on Tuesday nights, with the

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Challenge #01771-D310: Helper Dragon

This post: https://blue-shadow-fire-dragon.tumblr.com/post/139867120326/elfoftheforest-but-imagine-if-we-had-tiny -- TheDragonsFlame

Eldarol Vale, the sign read. Here there be dragons. And it was amusing since Elderol Vale was the Pet Dragon capital of the world. The best breeders came from Elderol Vale. The best breeds came from there. The most sincere and severe show judges grew up there, and knew what was good for the animals. In smaller print, the sign boasted, Zero rapes since the Year of the Eternally Staring Owl

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Challenge #01758-D297: Old Tricks, New Places

Employment Agency for Supernatural Beings and Creatures. -- Anon Guest

The Fae Folk don't get to steal as many babies as they used to. Their usual shenanigans are now written off as the souls of dead humans. And that's just insulting. The worst they can do is already being done, and to humans, by humans. They have lived for centuries. Millenia. And they have yet to see depravity like human depravity. Humans can't be scared of them, any more. What they are

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Challenge #01731-D270: They Call it Dragoncote

Why do dragons hoard wealth and guard it so jealously? Because for dragons, much like for kings, money is power.

With kings, such a phrase lies more in the metaphor of capitalism, but for dragons it is taken much more literally - the greater the amount of gold and jewels and other treasures a dragon can amass and claim as their own, the more magically potent and physically larger they become, and likewise the less riches they possess, the smaller and weaker

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