Amalgam Universe

A 2271-post collection

Challenge #01295-C200: Pray What You Eat Lets You Live

Fast Food franchises for Aliens. -- Anon Guest

Excerpts from A Traveller's Guide to Galactic Spaceports[Written before the advent of Unsuitable Food]:

If you are the kind of person who does not eat what they cannot identify, then beware. You may starve to death. Once you leave the realm of your familiarity, you will find all manner of things that could be edible if you are brave enough to face it.

That said, beware of attempting to purchase anything living. There are many forms of pets, and there are many more forms of adoption. That creature that resembles a pig just might be a cogniscent infant.

Your best investment for travelling is the Omniscanner. It takes in all forms of ambient radiation and transforms it into data you can understand. You won't look a fool for waving it at everything, but you will look a fool for buying an unwanted child, and then attempting to offer it in trade for a meal made out of one of its cuts.

Cogniphagia is frowned upon throughout all civilized space.

One thing you will not find in the larger Galactic Spaceports is fast food franchises. The concept of a ready-made meal exists, but ready-made meals that are long-term unhealthy are not encouraged. There are laws protecting all Galactics from accidental poisoning and, if the chef is not familiar with your biological needs, you are solely responsible for what you ingest.

The Omniscanner is your friend. You can set it to monitor your biology and alert you to what your body needs. Otherwise, let your nose be your guide. If you see something cooking, you can bet it's food. Be certain to scan the menu, just in case.

And do not be alarmed about table manners. Galactic manners are so varied from planet to planet that the only concern is that you don't make a mess.

(Muse food remaining: 10. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01294-C199: As the Station Turns

Aliens are exposed to Soap Operas and get hooked. -- KnitNan

Storytelling was not a new thing. Those species with the gift for inventing stories were more likely to find welcome, despite their status amongst Galactic Society.

Only humans had managed to conceive of a story with infinite potential to continue.

Some alien species had managed to decode the Terran transmissions, and eventually decoded the language as well. They thought it was an anthropological study of one particular human clan.

What they

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Challenge #01293-C198: Those Who Remain

Prompt: A segment of the population does not believe anyone ever walked on the moon. Some probably do not believe their species ever gained space travel. What happened to them when so many members of the population left for the stars? -- Anon Guest

Space was hard to ignore for a conspiracy theorist. It was impossible for humans to leave the Earth. Simply impossible. The fact that so many of their fellow humans were doing it was not a fact at all.

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Challenge #01292-C197: The Best Place by the Fire

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/146903793739/my-fever-thoughts-the-last-two-days

There's got to be one species that's impressed by storytelling even if it's not solely humanity's "thing" in amalgam -- Gallifreya

One good thing you can plausibly state about humans is that time spent with them is never boring. Of course, that was their chief combination of blessing and curse. They were never boring.

Most species took to space for reasons of economy. Things on their homeworld were no longer easy to obtain. Yet there

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Challenge #01291-C196: Bat Rogers in the 22nd Century

I finally found the full text of this!

http://somebodiesdaughters.tumblr.com/post/118571240112/spacebat

This brave little bat has multiple video tributes on youtube (this one's my favourite, even though there's probably better ones, it's the one that's stuck with me), at least one song written specifically for them, a website, fanart, posts every year saying that we have not forgotten them, and multiple news articles about them (the one I first read, waybackwhen, was titled 'Shuttle-Riding Bat Dies

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Challenge #01290-C195: Early Confusion

"There's a ladybug in my room!"

"Did you really call me at 3AM to tell me that?"

"I'm about two seconds away from burning this place down!" -- OohLookShiny

It took Cal a minute to recalculate what the hell Ch'v'th was talking about. "...no. No. Absolutely not. No. Don't."

"But the ancient rhyme of your people..."

"...does not tell you to set your house on fire. You tell the ladybug that her house is on fire."

There was a slight pause and

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Challenge #01287-C192: So Like Immunity

The immune system is constantly walking the razor thin edge between doing sweet fuck all and killing you as collateral damage in an apocalyptic war. -- RecklessPrudence

They said that humans were much like their own immune system. Q'voth took that to mean that they were proof against anything that wanted to kill them. There was no way that a direct attack would work.

Therefore, Q'voth played the long game. Ingratiating her people with the humans. Infiltrating their everyday life. Whittling away

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Challenge #01283-C188: Steep Learning Curve

Names of recordings of training scenarios.

"Ode to places a cutting torch should never go"

"Three drones, one airlock and no sense"

And the cautionary tale about plasma torches, hypergolic fuel and explosive decompression simply entitled: "Don't" -- RecklessPrudence

Human training videos were baffling. They seemed designed to entertain, but also contained the full, gruesome consequences in order to horrify their audience into learning the lesson.

Newbies, it seemed, were suicidally incompetent. Sometimes, they were also homicidally so. And chief amongst their

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Challenge #01282-C187: Boredom Unbecoming

Something for the SPOEns: "Words are perhaps the most vulgar of all of humanity’s inventions, in that there is no benefit in keeping them sacred and locked away. Their true magic only takes place when they are read and spoken by many." -- RecklessPrudence

Rael looked at the quote on the graffiti wall. Then he looked at the larger tangle of artistic font that sprawled across the greater effort. Once decoded, it read, Evolve or die!. And worse, Shayde had written

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Challenge #01278-C183: Kintsugi Ronin

The art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer, understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. This can also apply to People. -- Knitnan

The ships' human was, in their own words, winding down. They had extracted themself from their armoured shell, removed the thermal suit that helped regulate their temperature, and otherwise stripped down to their Skins.

Most Gigaru kept away from the human at this point. Downtime was important to these mammals. And yet Kithkith

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Challenge #01273-C178: The Coffee Oath

"It is caffeine alone..." You know the rest of this quote. Have fun. -- KnitNan

Theobromine was dangerous for most species, but humans took it in several different preparations. This was the waking preparation, as the ship's human went about their post-somnolence ritual.

Humans could push themselves to operate for an entire standard day, if they needed to. Their human had just done so, and proceeded to sleep for an astonishing twelve hours. Now they emerged, still in their sleeping clothes, to

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Challenge #01267-C172: Nothing to See Here

Your challenge today is to write your entire oneshot without using the word "the" -- Gallifreya

[AN: and one of my favourite words, too]

They never came to Barabindaru, a tiny little town that used to have its glory days in years of steam, when coal and water were vital to moving. They did not settle in Farmer Tarlee's paddock and wander around for up to half an hour before Kid Tarlee paddled over to have a chat.

There was some extended

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Challenge #01266-C171: He's Just a Softie, Really

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station

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Challenge #01263-C168: Bodyguard

http://iztarshi.tumblr.com/post/145107805571

On the flipside, when the space orcs want you safe, you are very safe -- Anon Guest

There were times when Talil could swear that humans were made of determination and venom.

They were not, strictly speaking, toxic. Not completely. But their skin was host to ecologies of bacteria that made their lives possible, and had been weaponised against Havenworlders. Their guts were hosts to bacteria that were toxic even to them. Their bites could fester

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Challenge #01257-C162: Vital Skills

There are things we need to be able to do to cope or succeed in Life. How to light a fire, cook a meal. Pick a Life skill and how it works. -- KnitNan

Red alert roused Pel from unconsciousness, and, because it was an urgent alarm, she launched herself from her bunk and into her lifesuit before she had fully opened her eyes. It was a matter of course for a Spacer to be able to get into their emergency gear

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