Amalgam Universe

A 2284-post collection

Challenge #01336-C241: Humans!

"Failure is always an option" -- OohLookShiny

"Look. It was either try it, or give up and die," said Kel.

"There was still a chance for death to not be an option," argued K'niith.

"Yes. And I took it."

"I meant," sighed K'niith, "that there was a chance that did not involve your insane gravity games."

Kel folded her arms. "It's called 'parkour' and it's a form of art."

"It's suicidal insanity, is what it is, you could have broken every bone in your body with that crazed stunt."

"Of course not, I was aiming for them. This is exactly what happens when Chitanians try to be badass space pirates against a Terran Marine."

K'niith glared at her. "There are no records of any other human doing anything like what you did, Cogniscent. I will have nightmares for the rest of my life about the way you launched yourself off of five different surfaces before..." she had to stop and take a mild sedative. "You went right through their primary engine like it was paper."

"Not my fault that they never got the memo about sucrose," argued Kel. "It wasn't even eggshell structured. It would have blown come the first iron micro-meteor to cross their path. So in a roundabout way, I kind'a did them a favour."

"You blew up their ship with your left boot!"

"They surrendered, though."

K'niith took another sedative. There had to be a way to explain to the deathworlder mammal, preferably in small words, that destroying the oppositions ship by flying-kicking it in the engine was not what anyone sensible would refer to as a quality negotiation tactic.

"The goal was peace. Well done for achieving it. What I am trying to suggest, Cogniscent, is that you went about it entirely the wrong way."

The human blinked at her. Were they thinking, or waiting for another point? "Yeah, okay," they said eventually. "But my way was quicker."

(Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01335-C240: Indomitable

"1... 2... 3..."

Crash

"Now we know it's three seconds deep!" -- OohLookShiny

Humans. The Ch'voth had been essentially using them as cannon fodder for a passage of months before they realised two things:

First - humans were extremely hard to kill.

Second - their primary method of finding answers seemed to be 'throw things at it'.

It didn't matter what the question was. They would throw things at it. The Ch'voth theorised that most of their science evolved in the same

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Challenge #01326-C231: Seek Understanding

http://immaplatypus.tumblr.com/post/148474190835/fieldbears-ursulavernon-adamusprime-if

if you didn’t know stuff about humans you would think they get mad at the weirdest stuff

like one human raises their thumb to another human that’s good, humans like that

one human raises their middle finger to another human

humans do NOT LIKE THAT

humans think that is a BAD FINGER

don’t you DARE raise that specific finger at me

any other finger is ok just not that one

--

Anthropology

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Challenge #01323-C228: We'll Let You Terraform Mars For Free

Both from this post: http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/148437315937/bioluminosity-jean-bo-peep-artiestroke

1) I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

2) (Description of monstrous animal, weighs 3 tons, runs 30kph, bites 8000 newtons. Just as fast in water. Only some crewmembers who dropped all their gear and ran survived.)

"You later describe the

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Challenge #01321-C226: Lost and Found

The Ballad of Apollo XIII - sung to the tune of 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald', but with a triumphant ending. -- RecklessPrudence

"I can't find Ambassador Shayde."

They should have been terrifying words, but they had lost any such sparkle through repetition. It had got to the point that Sherlock and Officer Marken both used Ambassador Shayde as testing material for new recruits.

So far, only one sharp Ensign had passed the Shayde Test.

This... was not that Ensign.

"You've

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Challenge #01317-C222: For Hate's Sake...

"You idiot! Can't you see this will hurt both of us?"

"Well yes, but it'll hurt you a lot more than it'll hurt me, and I can live with that." -- OohLookShiny

There were things she could never talk about. And one of them was the battle of wits with a godlike being.

They could make their arena look like anything. Be made out of anything. They could cast a glamour so powerful that it overwhelmed her. But there was always that

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Challenge #01315-C220: Get Lost!

To get really lost you need a GPS without updated maps, or worse with proposed routes entered as functioning. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Did I tell anyone that story? Stay tuned to my tumblr feed today for the full thing]

"Turn left at the fork."

"What?" said Tirla. "This thing is clearly showing a right turn at the fork."

"Turn left at the fork," said the mechanical voice.

"It's still a few hundred SDU's. We can slow down and see which way

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Challenge #01313-C218: No, You Got it Wrong

This is a quote from a Robert Heinlein story. "Always have your pants, your shoes, and your gun where you can find them in the dark." -- Anon Guest

[AN: I fixed your typos, Nonny]

The patient came in with a limb injury. Relatively harmless, but perplexing in the entry and exit trajectory. What added further confusion was the fact that they had a side-arm tangled in their toes, and a white-knuckled grip on one of their boots.

There was some evidence

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Challenge #01312-C217: Unsuitable Revival

"What's a Fairy Floss machine? Is it some kind of weapon of mass destruction?

"You probably call it Cotton Candy."

"Nope! Never heard of it."

"Look I'll show you how it works."

10 minutes and 300plus small children later.

"You know, it just might be a weapon of mass destruction." -- Anon Guest

There are phrases of doom. "Hey watch this," coming from a human, is a sure sign that something impressively dangerous is about to happen. Shayde has hundreds of them,

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Challenge #01311-C216: Relative Insanity

"Maybe you should consider it. Who knows, you might even have...” [Person] stopped and whispered conspiratorially, “fun!"

"That's not a word, I'd have heard of it," was their flat reply. They held a straight face just long enough for [Person] to look horrified before they laughed. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the fearsome forces in the universe, none is more terrifying than these two words issuing forth from a human mouth, "I'm bored."

Rael hadn't even known that he could get shivers up

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Challenge #01302-C207: Free Falling Water

Someone from a desert community or space community - anywhere where water is an extremely finite resource - visits somewhere like England where it falls from the sky on a semipermanent basis. -- Gallifreya

If there was one thing that freshly-minted Sahra Johnston would never get used to, it was the fact that she had her own space yacht. With a crew. And cabins enough for not just her entire family, but the crew's as well. Not that the Galactic crew had

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Challenge #01301-C206: Per Ardua Ad Astra

'Fire in the Sky.' Specifically, the filk song by Dr Jordin Kare, released in '91 but remastered in '04. This song moved Buzz Aldrin to tears on national television when he first heard the remastered version, apparently. There was a competition to make a music video, and this one won. I first found the music video, a few years ago now, and I've never forgotten it. -- RecklessPrudence

"You were there for it, weren't you?"

Shayde looked up from her Kung

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Challenge #01299-C204: Explosive Food

Popcorn, either as an edible explosive or semi mindless entertainment. KnitNan

The human had hung up a hand-made sign - Explosive food preparation in progress before they produced a device and a package of dry, yellow seeds.

"Your pardon, cogniscent An'dee?" said Plyq'ix. "What is meaning, 'explosive food'?"

Andy had a very simple explanation. "It goes bang."

"Dangerous bang?"

"Surprising bang. Harmless, but surprising."

The machine whirred into life and the grains poured in. For a while, nothing much happened but rattling

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Challenge #01295-C200: Pray What You Eat Lets You Live

Fast Food franchises for Aliens. -- Anon Guest

Excerpts from A Traveller's Guide to Galactic Spaceports[Written before the advent of Unsuitable Food]:

If you are the kind of person who does not eat what they cannot identify, then beware. You may starve to death. Once you leave the realm of your familiarity, you will find all manner of things that could be edible if you are brave enough to face it.

That said, beware of attempting to purchase anything living. There

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Challenge #01294-C199: As the Station Turns

Aliens are exposed to Soap Operas and get hooked. -- KnitNan

Storytelling was not a new thing. Those species with the gift for inventing stories were more likely to find welcome, despite their status amongst Galactic Society.

Only humans had managed to conceive of a story with infinite potential to continue.

Some alien species had managed to decode the Terran transmissions, and eventually decoded the language as well. They thought it was an anthropological study of one particular human clan.

What they

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