This fic begins with an April Fools’ Gag. The actual story doesn’t start until tomorrow. Problem[trollface]?
Join the madness under the cut:
Disclaimer: Anything here is the product of our warped little minds. Marvel owns the characters, but that’s about it.
Archiving: Ask, and ye shall receive. Send a message to cat@internutter.org and you’re home and hosed ^_^
Author Roll Call: [As this is an interfic, we have the following lunatics to thank] InterNutter, Scribbler, Yma, NightElfCrawler, Greg, Nandireya, Neemers, Amicitia…
Code-o-Rama:
*bla* - emphasis
_bla_ - thoughts or telepathy
{bla} - sound effect
[bla] - foreign language
~ - the bit between posts/authors
X-Wars
(Or: The Neverending Fanfic)
InterNutter et al
::Chapter:_:One: Prelude to a Fanfic
[Document originally posted on April 1st, 2003]
Ho, hockin’ froolies this is kewl… It’s so kewl, I have to invent new words for it. This is *FREEBLE*!
Yoing.
My darling hubbie - to whom I now owe fifty bucks [Ouch!] struck gold on an expedition to Comics Etcetera, and decided to surprise me with it this morning.
Marvel - bless their moneygrubbing hearts - have decided to do a regular series based on the movie(s). A regular, *live ACTION* series. How do I know this? Hubbie-darling bought me a *press kit* ^_^
Yup, all the people we know and love are involved, movie actors, familliar names - but skewed universe. I think. At least, that’s what I can tell from the pix.
They’ve merged together the MovieVerse, Age of Apocalypse, and what looks like _Mutant X_ into this weird conglomerate.
Alan Cumming continues to play Nightcrawler - but they’ve given him a body wig this time [prob'ly as a result of his whinging on the X2 set] and a blatantly CGI’d tail. I swear, the thing is never the same twice. Ick.
The series - tentatively named _X-Wars_ - does a Trek-esque mirroring of modern problems with thinly veilled allegory, and X-Files-esque spot-the-badguy routines that’ll make your head spin.
Cyclops, Jean, Storm and the Professor are good guys trying to keep their heads above water in a virtual tempest of hate. And they're efforts are *not* helped by - get this - *NIGHTCRAWLER’S* terrorist faction.
Yup. The fuzzy blue dude is now a morlock. Go fig.
He’s working “sort of” with his Mom - kind of a ‘deep throat' arrangement where you’re never sure if she’s really helping or not - in an effort to expose the truth to the general public.
Xavier and crew are pawns, apparently, of the Big Bad Guv'mint… and they’re starting to find this out.
So it ends up being a perpetual power struggle between the Morlocks [my name, the press kit calls them “The Legion of the Unwanted” - *HUH*? ] the X-Men, and The Powers [aka Smoking Man] as to what version of the truth gets exposed.
If my scanner was *working*, I’d share a few of the more laughably memorable pics with you. Like the shot of “Nightcrawler’s underground lair” that looks like it was ripped straight out of _Beetlejuice_ and repainted in dayglow and dark-light colours. I mean - eeeeeewwwwww… They must overpower people by gettin’ them to stare at the big spiral on the floor.
Ohyeah. Spiral’s a morlock, too. She’s the 7 of 9 of the set. Chicks must love the tail, 'cause Nighty’s team is both girl and top-heavy. Of the X-Men, Jean is the token female and Storm is the token black, so they don’t look too sexist, or something. They also have Colossus, Gambit and Havok on the team… with hints of Warren as a pawn/ping-pong between the teams.
See, Xavier’s lot are “physically perfect” [I suppose having a wheelchair-bound bald teep is being politically correct] whilst the Morlocks are all deformed [I *swear* I saw a 'Floogly’ in a group shot. Must enhance to make sure] in one way or another.
And, because kiddies may be watching, they’re making Mystique wear a bikini… Apparently, it’s magic or something, 'cause it changes when she does and _Nobody Asks Any Questions_. Yeesh.
There’s *one* shot of Warren facing down Kurt, they both look *pissed*, and the caption reads, “You’d be perfect for PR…”
They may actually get heavy in the scriptwriting. Who knows? Lord knows they aren’t spending all the money on the look, 'cause they’re filming over here in Sunny Queensland - Australia’s answer to New Mexico… and preferred because all of the help speaks English. [/sarcasm]
Ahem.
There’s some *VERY* interesting shots, including one of Nightcrawler in armour [Remember _Batman and Robin_? And the thing with the codpieces? *THAT* is happening with NC’s costume…] that practically makes it look like he has a second tail tucked in there.
But *this* pic is gonna absolutely *BLOW* your mind…
Nightcrawler.
Bare-ass nekkid.
With.
(also nekkid)
*JEAN*.
And get this bit–
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April fool!
Gotcha!
…I’m such a shit…
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AN: And then everyone beat me up and made me write the darn thing.
