Submission

A 900-post collection

Challenge #00702 - A337: I'm What?

This post: http://underthenerdhood.tumblr.com/post/92243212285/a-little-girl-who-grows-up-thinking-all-doors-are

Melia didn’t know she was haunted until she entered the Sanctum at the Academy of Magical Learning. Until that day, all doors had opened for her, before she could get to them. And, in the case of doors already open, they did not swing shut until she was through.

It was an unexplained magical gift that had lead to her scholarship at the academy in the first place.

And now, inside the Sanctum, Melia had just hurt herself. Bumping into a door she fully expected to open.

Mistress Wattle, reading nearby, had startled at Melia’s yawp of shock. And now she was ah-ha-ing as she cruised around the stunned Melia.

Melia stopped crying just because Mistress Wattle was so confusing. “What’s happened to me?” she asked.

“Nothing at all,” answered Mistress Wattle. “Absolutely nothing at all has happened to you.”

“But the door…” she waved vaguely at it, half-expecting it to attack her anew. But it just sat there. Thick, oaken and solid.

“The benevolent presence previously wrapped in your aura has been -ah- ostracised. The Sanctum has powerful wards against all forms of astral travellers.”

“I’m… haunted?”

“Oh yes. I can see it, now. A lover from a previous incarnation who couldn’t make it into this circle of life. She’s decided to help you. In every small way she can.”

“And… she can’t come into the Sanctum with me?”

“No. But she will rejoin you as soon as you’re out. The bonds of love are not easily severed, Child.”

Melia breathed out pure relief. She had been terrified that she might have lost something. “Does this mean I’ve lost my scholarship?”

“Of course not. You have your own magic. I think your friend and I can teach you the full use of it.”

Now she was crying. “Thank you… I love it here, Mistress Wattle. I never want to leave.”

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Challenge #00701 - A336: Ignorable Precautions

(no other great ape can swim, or is remotely happy about going in water [except two cases of domesticated apes in 2013, the only known examples] and most monkeys are downright afraid of water)

*splash*

‘What the - are they trying to drown themselves now?’

'They float. Of course they float.’

“Where are we?” Bessie looked around. It was an island, she could tell that much. There was a modest little house and a garden, and something of

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Challenge #00700 - A335: One Dead Hour at Unsuitable Food

[AN: Image shows a table of Uncommon But Useful Conversions. The list runs thus:

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 Bananosecond
Two monograms: 1 Diagram
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
1 kilogram of figs: 1 Fig Newton
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 Hoarsepower
1000 aches: 1 Kilohurtz
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mph: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking less-filling low-calorie beer: 1 Lite Year
1

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Challenge #00699 - A334: Community Service

(Inspired by one of your older works)

A “What, Ho!” scene.

[AN: For those unfamiliar with the topic, check out my fanfic Misfits]

The cogniscent tree people of Kumonjagotabijokin had a very peculiar life cycle. For a start, they planted the fruit of the Elder Trees and raised the resulting sproutlings as their own.

And, unfortunately for Aerin, crash landings did not come with tourist pamphlets. The world was pre-industrial and definitely pre-spaceflight, so common etiquette decreed the entire world be left

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Challenge #00698 - A333: Rituals of Nerditry

A “Hu’s on first” routine

OR

A “The bowler’s Holding” moment

Two humans, both wearing suits, stood on the otherwise empty stage.

“Heeeeeey, Abbott,” said the smaller one.

“Yes, Costello?” said Abbott.

“I hear you made captain of the local neighbourhood baseball team.”

“That’s correct. I did. I’m rather proud.”

“I’d like to know the names of some of the guys on your team, so

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Challenge #00697 - A332: Extreme Cuisine

Rapid tissue cloning from donated cells + vat-grown flesh as food-products = “My God… I’m delicious!”

They’d called the restaurant Eat My Ass. And the staff handed out FAQ sheets as to why they did it.

Fast-tissue cloning worked best on the muscles of the gluteus maximus. Which, in the kitchen/laboratory, became the best well-marbled meat individually tailored for each customer.

They had a wide variety of dishes that, technically, were veganism in its purest form. No animal had to

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Challenge #00696 - A331: Hence the Canary

Image prompt: FWOOM

[AN: Image shows a younger person lighting gas at ceiling level using a match on a stick while an older person watches]

Of all the weird scavengers Lynn the Hitcher ever met, Barstow had to take the cake. It wasn’t just that Barstow kept canaries in their own aviary on her patchwork ship. It was also that she had an entire hold dedicated to pressurised air.

“I’m claustrophobic,” Barstow confessed. “Lifesuits freak

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Challenge #00695 - A330: One Dank Afternoon in a Dungeon Pub

A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Get me a beer and a mop!”

“Har har har,” droned the barman, who happened to be a troll. “Like I don’t hear that every day.”

“Can’t blame a lich for trying to put a smile on that ugly puss.”

“Trolls don’t smile,” growled the troll.

“…okay… I guess you can…”

The bartender poured a

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Challenge #00694 - A329: Children of the Permanent Night

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/100492890835/bulbul-e-bismil-oh-vampire-lake-teach-me

SCUBA VAMPIRES

All around the globe, the secret societies of vampire hunters noticed something strange. A drastic reduction in the volumes of their prey. All the crypts and castles were actually becoming abandoned hulks. All the roosting places, new and old, were vacant.

They knew it wasn’t them. Despite their best efforts, all the vampire hunters could do was keep the worst examples from running rough-shod through the populations of the living.

All

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Challenge #00693 - A328: Human Foodstuff Transit

Marmite.

Normally, M'riik loved living and working on a relatively small station. It was peaceful and the views were always amazing. But there were times, like now, when living and working on a relatively small station was a pain in the anatomy.

The freighter had diverted from its logged course because of engine trouble, which meant paperwork and a freight inspection to make sure nothing was going to escape while the two vessels shared air.

Normally, a vacuum-sealed cargo hold would go

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Challenge #00692 - A327: "Secret" Identity

A character wakes up next to their spouse, ready to start their day.  But… this person is not what they appear to be - what seems to be a normal person is just a disguise for their true self, a fearsome and powerful inhuman entity. The catch is that the spouse knows about this secretive disguise… but the entity doesn’t know the spouse knows, so still tries (a bit ineptly) to hide things. The spouse finds this too adorable to ruin

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Challenge #00691 - A326: Photographic Anomalies

Somewhere in the universe…

[AN: Picture shows a “grey” alien striking a pose on a dirt road by a beach. In the far left background is a circled object in the sky. Said object is enlarged in the lower right of the frame. It resembles a Terran jet]

ALIENS?! blared the headline. The article expanded on the bizarre tale.

K’tob Nygrosk had no idea what would appear in her holiday snaps when she took them. “I was focussed on Reikik, not

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Challenge #00690 - A325: The Treasure

A Gyiik discovers the food Elvis ate.

Vic reached hungrily for the cellulose sheet.

“Ut,” said the Archivaas Tiel, drawing it back to her body. “Payment first. I know how you Gyiiks get with new recipes. I learned after the first time.”

“My apologies,” Vic the Gyiik began to lay out her money. “Two Months plus hazard pay… and a voucher card for two Years’ worth of free meals at Unsuitable Food Eat.

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Challenge #00689 - A324: In Peril

Always remember, if you can see it it already knows you are there.

Good news, this alien rock had enough breathable air to make resource gathering less of a problem.

Bad news, resource gathering was going to happen from the ground up. Literally.

Good news, the edible flora and fauna were easily identifiable.

Bad news… there was a human in the area.

Like K'tole, the human had landed here because of its plentiful resources very close to the surface. And all

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Challenge #00688 - A323: Benevolent Anarchy

Just for shits and giggles, a Greater Deregulation that lives up to the name. Total meritocracy, ‘I don’t care what you do as long as you stay the Hell off my property’. In other words, a GD where ‘profit’ is equated not just to ‘money’, but also ‘personal freedom’. In other words, less Republican, more Libertarian.

Welcome to Greater Deregulation Nor-Northwest. No freeloaders.

Kell the Hitcher helped unload the cargo. This was as far as the freighter captain would take her.

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