Shayde

A 77-post collection

Challenge #01312-C217: Unsuitable Revival

"What's a Fairy Floss machine? Is it some kind of weapon of mass destruction?

"You probably call it Cotton Candy."

"Nope! Never heard of it."

"Look I'll show you how it works."

10 minutes and 300plus small children later.

"You know, it just might be a weapon of mass destruction." -- Anon Guest

There are phrases of doom. "Hey watch this," coming from a human, is a sure sign that something impressively dangerous is about to happen. Shayde has hundreds of them, but the most dangerous one is this:

"Aw ripper!"

Which meant that the bargain barge of junk she had purchased at mass credit rates now contained something she deemed to be a treasure. Which meant that some horrible thing from history that should have been forgotten was about to be revived.

She was holding something that looked like a washtub, with a separate spinarette in the middle, and a motorised cabinet underneath.

"Ah got a fairy floss machine," she crowed. "Sure it needs a wee bit o' love, but I reckon I can get this one runnin' again."

"Fairy. Floss."

"Awright. Cotton candy. Whatever. I reckon fairy floss is a cuter term."

"This is another ancient terran weapon, isn't it?"

"Nooooo," she sang. "I'll show ye. When I get it runnin'. It's a treat."

It took her two weeks to make her threat come to life, and she ran a small booth to one side of Nik's enormous kitchen in Unsuitable Food.

It was, technically speaking, food on a stick. If you had such wide and varied definitions of 'food' as Nik did. Pure sucrose, sometimes with added colours and flavourings, heated to melting point and spun out in fine threads by centripetal force. And from there, gathered onto the aforementioned stick.

Galactic Society had their own phrase for it. Sugar clouds. And they brought a new generation ingenious ways to get sticky and sick at the same time.

Rael had to try a sample. Too much air, and the sugar melted on contact with any kind of moisture. For him, that was something of a sensory disappointment. For children, he could imagine the appeal. Something bigger than their head that they could plausibly ingest with little ill effect. And for anyone who still had room, they could also ingest the sorghum-millet stick[1]. Rael certainly devoured his as he surveyed the crowds of happily sticky children who would come to regret their decisions later.

"I was right," he told her. "It is a weapon."

[1] Edible utensils/containers is a fantastic idea and deserves more research. Currently, only edible spoons exist.

(Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01311-C216: Relative Insanity

"Maybe you should consider it. Who knows, you might even have...” [Person] stopped and whispered conspiratorially, “fun!"

"That's not a word, I'd have heard of it," was their flat reply. They held a straight face just long enough for [Person] to look horrified before they laughed. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the fearsome forces in the universe, none is more terrifying than these two words issuing forth from a human mouth, "I'm bored."

Rael hadn't even known that he could get shivers up

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Challenge #01301-C206: Per Ardua Ad Astra

'Fire in the Sky.' Specifically, the filk song by Dr Jordin Kare, released in '91 but remastered in '04. This song moved Buzz Aldrin to tears on national television when he first heard the remastered version, apparently. There was a competition to make a music video, and this one won. I first found the music video, a few years ago now, and I've never forgotten it. -- RecklessPrudence

"You were there for it, weren't you?"

Shayde looked up from her Kung

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Challenge #01224-C129: Retrospective Introspective

Meanwhile, in the past... -- RecklessPrudence

Rael didn't need to subscribe to the On This Day info feed. He was surrounded by hobby historians who would gleefully inform him of any significant events as they met him. If he was lucky, they would only infodump the interesting bits.

People had work to get to, after all. And limited time meant that people only passed on the information that they deemed important. Which lead to a skewed view of history, and an equally

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Challenge #01218-C123: A Big, Wet, Sloppy... Hug?

Just a snippet from a very enjoyable story, stripped of gender-specific terms:

..."I will hug you," they threatened, spreading their arms... -- RecklessPrudence

"It's impossible to swim through the Glunk and survive!"

Exhibit A, still dripping an pungent, unidentifiable goop, said, "Desperate times, all th' wards I could muster, an' some bluidy good air pockets, ye ken."

Rael, summoned to the scene, hadn't recognised her until she spoke. "Ambassador Shayde?"

She saluted him. But carefully, so that none of the glop adhering

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Challenge #01206-C111: Funny in Context

Someone could have been seriously hurt... But they weren't, so it's funny -- Anon Guest

Rael had could not recall, exactly, why they were in locks and docks. The gravity there was less than reliable in most places, and Shayde was one who seemed to use it to her advantage without any effort whatsoever. Rael had significantly more faith in the safety tether than his own ability to "hang on in time".

Almost all of the humans who worked there for extended

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Challenge #01202-C107: Self-fulfilling Prophet

From a human to a pre-industrial sophont (fantasy realm? With a bit of tweaking, might work for Shayde):

My people fought an apocalyptic war that only ended when the impossibly ancient still-warm remnants of a star's death were used to destroy whole cities in a more final way than simply sacking and burning them - or even salting all their fields as well - to stop things like this. Then, we spent generations trying to stop ourselves from continuing it. Turn away

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Challenge #01154-C057: One Ambitious Training Session on Amalgam Station

http://this-book-has-been-loved.tumblr.com/post/139007622507/things-ive-actually-heard-college-students-say

pick one -- Gallifreya

[AN: Only one? They're all gold!]

It was a minor Ambassadorial meet and greet session, allegedly concerning negotiations to stop the Greater Deregulations from being such massive collections of feces towards their fellow human being.

Not acting like massive collections of feces towards non-human cogniscents was going to take significantly more time and effort.

Laws and regulations were not really working. The most the Deregulations would do was show lip service

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Challenge #01148-C051: Filling in Time

Channeling Bugs Bunny (maybe Shayde?): "I know this breaks the laws of physics, but you see I never studied law." -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Yes, Shayde did study the laws of physics, but she also found some loopholes]

They were waiting for the dust to settle and Security had already confiscated Shayde's guitar. Possibly out of self-defence. Which meant a series of increasingly unlikely self-entertainments that she pulled out of her trans-dimensional 'pockets'.

One day, Rael supposed, they would learn that Shayde was

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Challenge #01115-C018: On the Road Between Nowt and Nowhere

"Is your brain EVER attached to your mouth?" -- Knitnan

Of all the demons in all the multiverse that Raflgast the Sable could have snagged, he had to ensnare one who was lacking a brain-to-mouth bypass. And not much going on in their brain, by the sound of things.

"...Na if yer goin' wi' a cosine limit between plus an' minus Plank's by Pi by th' factor o' current gravity in inches per second per second..."

"Demon," Raflgast growled.

"...the relative brane

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Challenge #01112-C015: Performance Piece

A scrap of data is recovered. Death's Belief Speech, from Hogfather. Doesn't matter if it's the book or the movie.

For those who haven't read it, a clip from the movie is here.

Not as anything unique to humanity, but rather as a comment on Sophonts as a whole, from a human who would have very much liked to meet the rest of the universe. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: I would also love to meet the rest of the universe, but I have

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Challenge #01109-C012: One Fine Afternoon in the Vicinity of a Library

Pooka or Pookas, turn it or them loose. Have fun! -- Knitnan

The man was having a pleasant conversation with what looked to be a chair of thin air. Which immediately caught Shayde's interest.

"You stay away from that man, demon," warned Riflgast. "He has an affliction of the humours and is seeing things."

"Nope," said Shayde. As if she could see what the fellow was talking to. "He's got a case of th' Pookas, ye ken."

Riflgast almost fell off his

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Challenge #01095-B363: But What Does it Mean?

Another sentence for SPoE(n): “Because of the agency’s oversight, the corporation’s behavior was sanctioned.” And other words that exemplify the "superiority" and "purity" of English: http://mentalfloss.com/article/57032/25-words-are-their-own-opposites -- RecklessPrudence

They had given Shayde a piece of paper preserved under glass. In a special room with careful lighting. Between the half-words on either side, an innocuous sentence.

Because of the agency’s oversight, the corporation’s behavior was sanctioned.

It was news print. The other side

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Challenge #01085-B353: The Cosmic Balldance

Shayde, a costume party, and hundreds of miniscule self-adhesive glow in the dark stars. -- Gallifreya

Of all the reasons that humans had found to throw a party, the autumn festival of Halloween confused him the most. Mediaeval superstition met a modern-day desire for revelry head-on in a display of both ingenuity and greed.

Case in point, the Ambassador of 1986TCE[1] Shayde F. Pitt was throwing a Halloween ball. It promised to be one of the more colourful human celebrations. And

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Challenge #01084-B352: One Early Dawn Ceremony Far From His Master's Tower

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

One more time -- Gallifreya

The demon looked down at the circle around the mage. "Yer kiddin' me, right?" it said. It looked like a human shape, but it was obviously not human. For a start, its skin was as black as coal, and its demonic eyes burned with their own fire.

"Avaunt, foul beast," said Tra'gyk the mage. He held up his binding talisman. "I hath summoned thee with my mighty magic and thou

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