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Challenge #01334-C239: So Unfair

School 'Pain in the Anatomy': "Well, he'll either wind up in Jail or grow up to be an Archbishop." -- Anon Guest

Life is unfair. Anyone trying to tell you different is either trying to sell you something, or is one of the people who actively make life unfair. Such are the lessons drilled into us at school. Not by the teachers, oh no. They're still trying to sell us all the ideal that hard work earns good rewards.

The lesson is taught by other children.

Cruel and harsh and unrelenting. Beating down anyone who is different. Reaching for the heights of popularity by stepping on all of those who also stand out.

The stepped on cannot stop them. And that is another harsh lesson. Those in authority will do nothing to the steppers, and everything to the steppees when they inevitably snap.

And then these wild creatures are released upon the world. The steppees do their utmost to salvage a life out of the wreckage, and those who step...

Tamara stopped cold when she saw the name from her past. Jamie Stenson. His face and name were plastered all over the renovation walls and bus stops along the street. He was doing some talk about synergising success.

He'd lost most of his hair. He'd got fat. And he also, apparently, was worth billions of dollars.

This was the kid who had called her all sorts of unprintable things, looked as innocent as an angel when finally dragged to the office, and could have gotten away with murder. Had, in fact, nearly done so.

Tamara tried to put it out of her mind. The little stain on her daily life was off doing something else. Far away from her. He could not, and would not, be bothering her any more.

Until the day he and some of his lawyers were in her office and seeking her accounting help. They had two hand-trucks worth of unsorted paperwork and the expectation that she would do miracles. His old accountant had been cooking the books and he needed everything unriddled before his next divorce.

Tamara felt compelled to say, "You were a pain in the ass to me in school."

"I was a pain in the ass to everyone in school," he said. "You'll have to be more specific."

"You called me Grape Ape, amongst other things, and damn near killed me on sports day because you thought it might be funny."

He could have said, "I'm sorry." He could have feigned horror at his past self. What he did say doomed him. "Ah, not worth remembering. Water under the bridge."

Tamara faked a pleasant smile and told him she would undertake investigations at once.

Thorough investigations.

It didn't take her long to realise that Jamie Stenson's accountant had been cooking the books in his favour. But also, so had Jamie Stenson. He was guilty of shuffling assets between shell companies to generate virtual money. And it showed a pattern of infidelity that five of his eight ex-wives should find very interesting indeed. Especially since he'd reneged his way out of paying them any kind of alimony based on his allegedly faithful support of their chosen lifestyles.

All of this information got 'accidentally' sent to his exes, the IRS, and a couple of news agencies that despised him almost as much as she had.

He was going to wind up both in debt and in jail.

"Not worth remembering," she would tell him. "Water under the bridge."

And then she'd deliberately drive her wheelchair over his toes. Reminding him that some things that he forgot would stay with others for the rest of their lives.

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Challenge #01333-C238: Pick of the Three

"You can have it done well. You can have it done fast. You can have it done cheap."

"Pick any two!" -- Anon Guest

"You dare talk to me like that?"

The artisan didn't look up. "I talk to everyone like that. Fast and well is not cheap. Well and cheap is not fast. Cheap and fast is not well. Is there more that needs explaining?"

"Do you know who I am?"

The artisan spared a moment to look up. She regarded

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Challenge #01332-C237: People in Glass Houses Shouldn't

Garnet vs. the PTA -- Gallifreya

[AN: Cue Harper Valley PTA :D]

Steven's first semester at school had not gone great. He was failing advanced math, and flunked right out of sharing that class with Connie at all. And on the night before the PTA meeting, Steven came home with a note.

It was not a criticism of Steven, nor of his scholastic performance. It was a criticism of the Gems and their 'unconventional' lifestyle being a reason why they should not

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Challenge #01331-C236: Epic Levels of Bullshit

I knew about this story, but I had never heard the reasoning behind having the 'roos in the simulation to begin with. Makes a lot more sense, now. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: The real funny part was that this story was used as an example of checking your GD code before release. I heard it in one of my BInfTech lectures. Australia just seems to be a nexus of firkin weird stories. See: The Emu War (spoilers, the Emus won)]

"...and then the

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Challenge #01330-C235: Grass No Greener

Supervillian grad student, just trying to get by: (Details) -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: This tale harkens back to story 1 in this thing ]

I tried to tell her it wouldn't work. Convincing a superhero Aunty to finance a neophyte supervillain requires more points in debate than dear little Wondergal ever possessed.

Just like every other rich person, Aunty Wonderbabe thought that all the poor people had to do to get ahead was work harder.

"Fine," said Wondergal. "Then I demand to have my

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Challenge #01329-C234: Not-Bear

I'm not saying it's bears, but it's bears. (Details) -- RecklessPrudence

"And in other news, Australian zoologists have managed to capture the fabled Yowie. Down by the little outback town of Canyapassabeermate[1], a local dingo trapper found more than he bargained for in one of his cage traps."

They cut to the live feed where the only person wearing corks on their hat was the American newscaster.

"G'day from down under," she cheered, blatantly ignoring the winces of contact embarrassment from

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Challenge #01328-C233: Pax Multilingual

Ghosts and the word 'boo'. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

"What the hell did you say to that demon, Demon?"

"Shayde," said the demon. "And she was'nae a demon, she was Seeliegh. A Fae."

"You speak gibberish, demon," said Sir Ethil. "More so than usual. Everyone knows that fairies are small and have butterfly wings. That monster looked more like an insect trying to appear human."

Behind Sir Ethil, Tragyk the Mage snorted. He had a lot of trouble with pollen, every time

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Challenge #01327-C232: Almost Like Home

Vulcans discover Australian wildlife. -- Anon Guest

Out in the Never-Never, it's either deathly dry or flooded to the point of cataclysm. This time, when the Vulcans sent their science team to investigate, it was deadly dry. Though they had a native guide with them, they seemed most at home in this arid and hostile environment.

Some even felt chilly, and wore coats.

"Ey up," said the native guide. "Got a nesting emu up ahead."

'Ey up', they were assured, was Australian

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Challenge #01326-C231: Seek Understanding

http://immaplatypus.tumblr.com/post/148474190835/fieldbears-ursulavernon-adamusprime-if

if you didn’t know stuff about humans you would think they get mad at the weirdest stuff

like one human raises their thumb to another human that’s good, humans like that

one human raises their middle finger to another human

humans do NOT LIKE THAT

humans think that is a BAD FINGER

don’t you DARE raise that specific finger at me

any other finger is ok just not that one

--

Anthropology

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Challenge #01325-C230: An Everyday Misadventure

http://mrfebruarius.tumblr.com/post/144148482350/papyrus-deserves-to-be-carried-around-like

Image: Frisk carrying papyrus bridal style, apparently running. Papyrus seems surprised and confused "Papyrus deserves to be carried around like princess that he is." -- Gallifreya

"NYA-HA-HOW-OW-OW!" Papyrus rolled into a sitting position on the field, clutching at his left boot. A floating number indicated that he had taken quite a few points off his total HP.

Frisk instantly stopped playing and ran to their friend. They signed, Do you need help?

"The Great Papyrus

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Challenge #01323-C228: We'll Let You Terraform Mars For Free

Both from this post: http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/148437315937/bioluminosity-jean-bo-peep-artiestroke

1) I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

2) (Description of monstrous animal, weighs 3 tons, runs 30kph, bites 8000 newtons. Just as fast in water. Only some crewmembers who dropped all their gear and ran survived.)

"You later describe the

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Challenge #01322-C227: Jinkies!

http://blazichu.tumblr.com/post/148360791519/callmegallifreya-blazichu-im-gonna-tell-you

Scoobydoo-esque mystery but with real murder. Murderer goes for Lewis as next victim, gets spectral surprise. "Oh look, I'm dead. Are you happy?" -- Gallifreya

[AN: And proper credit should go to Blazichu who came up with the idea]

They said he haunted an abandoned town, and murdered people who came through it thanks to misdirections from their GPS. They said he was a survivalist that could eat whatever he hunted. And since skulls and

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Challenge #01321-C226: Lost and Found

The Ballad of Apollo XIII - sung to the tune of 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald', but with a triumphant ending. -- RecklessPrudence

"I can't find Ambassador Shayde."

They should have been terrifying words, but they had lost any such sparkle through repetition. It had got to the point that Sherlock and Officer Marken both used Ambassador Shayde as testing material for new recruits.

So far, only one sharp Ensign had passed the Shayde Test.

This... was not that Ensign.

"You've

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Challenge #01320-C225: The Catalogue of Bad Ideas

The invasion was so simple. We sent our soldiers to their children, and they played with them as if they were toys.

When the time came, the attack began, and soon the world was ours.

https://wilwheaton.tumblr.com/post/148216965069/ - quoting Wil Wheaton -- Anon Guest

They were everywhere. Insanely popular. Every child just had to have one. They were obnoxious, of course. Designed by some insane and scheming mind to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

And they were

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Challenge #01318-C223: Gem Daycare

1) Steven likes to visit Centi. She and the others have sort of adopted him as an honorary crewmember at this point.

2) From http://muppetymels.tumblr.com/post/144837683649 -

Teaching kindergarten is like being an ambassador to beings from another planet and teaching them how to assimilate to our culture.

“No, we do not LICK water fountains. Perhaps that is acceptable on your planet, but here on earth we prefer to DRINK from water fountains.”

“Physics might be a little

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