Challenge #01332-C237: People in Glass Houses Shouldn't

Garnet vs. the PTA -- Gallifreya

[AN: Cue Harper Valley PTA :D]

Steven's first semester at school had not gone great. He was failing advanced math, and flunked right out of sharing that class with Connie at all. And on the night before the PTA meeting, Steven came home with a note.

It was not a criticism of Steven, nor of his scholastic performance. It was a criticism of the Gems and their 'unconventional' lifestyle being a reason why they should not be raising Steven at all.

Pearl, of course, went ballistic, ranting for a good half hour about their absolute nerve and disastrous lack of understanding concerning the Gems.

Amethyst, looking at the report card, said, "Dude, how can you be failing history? We taught you everything we saw."

"...i think it's because you taught me everything you saw," murmured Steven.

"Why those-- I have half a mind to-- I should--" Pearl raged.

"You should calm down," said Garnet. "I'll handle them."

Steven followed her reluctantly. He had been going to a formal school for little more than a handful of months, and he was already afraid to return to it. He clung to Garnet's hand with a white-knuckled grip. Then he and Connie clung to each other.

Garnet sat and waited. Murmuring abounded amongst a certain group of parents. The group of 'morally superior' parents who liked to dictate all kinds of ridiculous things. Including fresh vegan food for the cafeteria, but not paying for anyone in the school kitchen more qualified than "microwave and serve". Or, if they failed to get that, then they got someone who was only suitable for "deep fry only".

And then they complained that there was no fresh vegan food for their little darling who came home reeking of chicken nuggets and cheese.

Everyone secretly hated them.

Garnet bided her time until the moral superiority had to say a few words about some other parents' lifestyle choices. Those were her actual words. "Lifestyle choices."

"At least we're not roaring drunk by the time our kids come home," said Garnet. "You really should stop getting bargain wine from Lupin's Winery. They water down all their dregs for their bottles of Chateau Blanc Cheque."

All of the non-morals gasped.

"How dare you," said another moral. "We do our utmost for our kids."

"If, by that, you mean buying them all the shiny toys they could eat, then you probably are," said Garnet. "But you're never around when they need you. Your regular art movie nights are their worst nightmares."

One of the morals began cackling to herself.

"Don't laugh," said Garnet. "Your vegan-friendly child waits until you are asleep and sneaks out of your house to go and gorge themselves on late-night Cluck Buckets. And furthermore - your gluten-free lemon bars taste like they were dragged backwards through rats' nest."

Several parents on both sides quietly and victoriously whispered, "Yes!"

"And before you start talking about other parents' moral choices," said Garnet. "Five out of eight of you 'morally superior' parents are having affairs."

The moral parents were surprisingly quiet for the rest of the meeting. And the rest of Steven's scholastic career.

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