Hwell Barrow

A 11-post collection

Challenge #02368-F178: Culinary Explorers

An inter-species cooking class is very interesting to observe, and better to participate in. -- Anon Guest

Some people just never learn to cook. Why would they? Obtaining foodstuffs from vendors is easy and they then have more time to spend on other enjoyable pursuits. There are those who insist that cooking is a vital survival skill, and they are repeatedly ignored by those who plan on never having to survive like that. It is far cheaper, faster, and overall safer to have a food printer and never be concerned with all that fiddling about.

On the Edge, food printers are less available. People don't trust them as easily as they do in more 'civilised' space[1]. So it is there that cooking classes are held for any level of understanding from 'What is cook?' through, 'I think I've got this!' to, 'Oh hey, there's a new ingredient, now what?' There, on the Edge, it is possible to learn the organic sources of all foods, learn how to prepare them, and learn how to do so safely.

Nevertheless, it has been determined that allowing anyone near open flames is an invitation for disaster. The Havenworlders don't like it when things go 'foomp' and the Humans like it uncomfortably too much. That sort of thing is reserved for restaurants run by trained professionals, that also have offensensitivity warnings clearly present on the entrances. Yes, even in the Edge territories, the lawless have figured out that some laws are just common flakking sense.

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Challenge #01776-D315: One Fine Afternoon in a Security Detainment Centre

"Look at you ! You started a fight with 5 people because they made fun of your alien friend, and you only got 3 broken teeth, a dislocated shoulder, a black eye and a 15 000 credit fine for the broken furniture!"

"True, but you didn't see how they looked after the fight. Totally worth it." -- Anon Guest

Of all the cells in all the security offices in all the known galaxy, she had to walk into his. "Hwell Andronicus Barrow," she

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Challenge #01677-D216: Hobby Fallout

[Title: Obstacle Course] Some are carefully planned to stretch our physical strength. Some just happen. -- Knitnan

Storm season on Hitizzy was never fun. Especially when the storms hit both in space and on the surface of the planet. It was said that Hitizzy was a place everyone got into, once in a while, but the weather rarely got the people in Hitizzy, into a tizzy. Except for this one time.

Everyone knew that attempts at weather control always ended badly, so

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Challenge #01513-D052: A Lucky Escape From Grebnak 5

"Is that going to blow up?"

"Well, I mean, only if i mess up, " -- OohLookShiny

"Hwell," sighed Ax'and'l, "put the concoction down."

"Relax, I know what I'm doing."

"I will not relax, I have fifteen near-death encounters as evidence in my favour." Ax'and'l considered those past incidents, "Including seven where you said you knew what you were doing."

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Challenge #01504-D043: Self-lost Man

“I don’t feel very much like Pooh today,“ said Pooh.

“There there,” said Piglet. “I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.” -- Anon Guest

Ax'and'l found his human business partner in an odd position in the hallway. His legs were up the wall, and the rest of his body was sprawled across the floor. "You are not due for Silly Season, yet. Are you unwell?"

"I'm not sure. I'm not feelin' myself."

"In a public area? I should

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Challenge #01457-C362: One Exasperating Late Evening in a Recovery Room

"Do you want to explain why you caused mass hysteria and almost created a national incident?"

"You know these things happen when I'm left alone." -- OohLookShiny

"Hwell," sighed Ax'and'l. It was an old sigh. The kind of sigh that had put up with enough crap to make a rocky giant planetoid out of it. "I told you to mind the cargo..."

"And I did. I was. Honest," said Hwell. "I only stepped away t' help this wee lass--"

Ax'and'l moaned automatically.

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Challenge #01361-C266: The Rogue's Fall

[Person 1]: It's important to face the consequences of your actions!

[Person 2]: (Leaps out of a window) -- OohLookShiny

Hwell had to admit, this did look bad. He took stock, as was his habit when he got into these snags.

Hands and feet bound, check. And not in anything fancy, either. Just regular, good old-fashioned iron cuffs and chains that hobbled his ability to run. And his captors had been so inconsiderate about the design, too. There was no easy way

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Challenge #01106-C009: Once More, Into the Brig...

"It's a thrilling tale of a dried apricot, four bags of flour, and a torch." -- Gallifreya

Ax'and'l blinked very slowly. It was telling that he was getting used to these levels of crap. And if he let on, he knew that Hwell would only invent new and more interesting levels of crap.

"Save it for getting free drinks at the bars, and even then, I'm letting it known about your capacity limit." He sighed and turned to the Security Guard. "What's

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Challenge #01053-B321: Subtle(n)...

We're going to be subtle with high explosives

My favourite kind of subtle! -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things that worry Galactic Citizens about humans. The thing that worried them most was when they got very quiet. Despite the fact that a sleeping human is a safe human, a quiet human is usually involved in working something out.

Ax'and'l had learned that only slightly more dangerous was a human who was muttering to themselves. Only more dangerous was when they stopped muttering

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Challenge #01015-B283: One Smoky Afternoon in a Dive Bar

Person #1: What the hell is going on, [Person #2]?

Person #2 (calmly, going to sit down): Well, it appears that we're going to start a revolution. -- RecklessPrudence

Ax'and'l looked askance at his human business partner. "Is this one of your definitely profitable insane ventures, or one of the ones that is more... pro bono publico?"

"Uh," said Hwell. Never a good sign. "Not really sure. But we need to do something. Take a look around this room. What's missing?"


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Challenge #00985-B254: One Skull-cracking Morning in a N'Ozzie Holding Cell

What the Bleep! am I doing with a traffic cone, a black lace thong and a feather boa?

Two things were certain to Hwell. One: the light hurt. Two: it must have been one hell of a night, last night.

"You understand that I only call him my 'business partner' because it is forbidden to label cogniscents as 'lucky pets'." That had to be Ax'and'l. Urgently distancing himself from Hwell's previous revelry and subsequent swathe of damage.

If, however, the swathe of

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