Challenge #00985-B254: One Skull-cracking Morning in a N'Ozzie Holding Cell

What the Bleep! am I doing with a traffic cone, a black lace thong and a feather boa?

Two things were certain to Hwell. One: the light hurt. Two: it must have been one hell of a night, last night.

"You understand that I only call him my 'business partner' because it is forbidden to label cogniscents as 'lucky pets'." That had to be Ax'and'l. Urgently distancing himself from Hwell's previous revelry and subsequent swathe of damage.

If, however, the swathe of damages also included a significant profit margin, then Ax'and'l would be quick to volunteer for his share.

Hwell risked opening his eyes to take stock. "'M naked... why'm I naked?"

"Not completely, mate," said a stranger. Presumably someone in charge of the holding cells.

Oh. His left foot had something light and floppy on it. A black... lace... sandal? No.

Oh. Oh flakk.

It was a black, lace thong. The only other garment, apart from the obligatory traffic cone, seemed to be a feather boa in an irritating shade of purple.

"...owww..." he whined.

"That's what you get for trying to 'skull' an entire -what was it?"

"Darwin Stubbie," said the guard. "Accordin' to my reports, he tried to skull three of 'em. Simultaneously."

He could hear Ax'and'l's resulting apoplexy. "What? Three? But they're-- HOW?"

"Plastic tubing," said the guard. "No worries about th' drunk and disorderly, mate. We're used to it. It's the public nudity and taking a piss in the local water fountain's given people the irrits."

"Oh Gods," moaned Ax'and'l.

"You thought about bio-locking his Skins on? It'd work for everything but the 'needing to piss' part, reckon."

"I did, but he found a way to foil it."

"...strewth." The unmistakable hum of a cell wall opening. "Awright, sunshine. Get some pants on and get on out."

Something cold and silky flopped across his buttocks. Skins. Or at least the shorts part of the Skins. N'Ozz had some very liberal attitudes to minimum clothing regulations. Hwell dragged them on and moaned. At least Skins didn't hurt his skin like the light did.

"Please tell me there's some benefit to all of this?" begged Ax'and'l.

"Oh yeah. When we disassembled the fountain to clean out the -ah- contaminants? We found out what was under the fountain. Premium grade lightning opals, mate. An entire elephant's worth. Pays all the bills and then some."

Ax'and'l muttered a thanks to his gods and then aimed a glare at Hwell. That hurt, too. "Of course it did."

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