Humans are Insane

A 191-post collection

Challenge #01311-C216: Relative Insanity

"Maybe you should consider it. Who knows, you might even have...” [Person] stopped and whispered conspiratorially, “fun!"

"That's not a word, I'd have heard of it," was their flat reply. They held a straight face just long enough for [Person] to look horrified before they laughed. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the fearsome forces in the universe, none is more terrifying than these two words issuing forth from a human mouth, "I'm bored."

Rael hadn't even known that he could get shivers up his spine. The involuntary reaction shocked him more than the words from his human companion.

"Please don't blow anything up?" he begged.

Shayde's dark lips split in a wry grin. "Aye? That's yer first thought? When have I ever blown anythin' oop?"

"There's always a first time," said Rael. "I know how you humans like to escalate."

"Yer bein' daft," she dismissed. "Explosions plus space stations equals bad news, an' I'm partial to me share of atmosphere, thanks."

He relaxed only a little. "Congratulations. You are now ten percent more sane than the rest of your species."

"I am from the generation tha' elected Ronald Reagan, ye ken."

"Then you're fifty percent more sane than them. In the interests of the safety and security of all cogniscents in your general aura... what you planning to alleviate this... boredom?"

"Aw, nothin' fancy. Just gettin' a dee an' dee game goin'."

She might as well be offering to teach ancient Pama-Nyungan or Yiwaidjan. His one experience of it was so outlandish that he was certain most cogniscents would not understand it. "You realise that improvisational storytelling based on chance is not a widespread phenomenon, right?" he said.

"Aye, I expect a lot of self-inserts and rip-off OC's. That's normal. But that's no' the point. It's tae have fun. You remember fun, right?"

He folded his arms and found something decorative to look at. "That's not a word. I've never heard of it." He turned back just far enough to catch her briefly bemused expression.

Then a laugh spurted out between her lips. "Oh aye, ye'll have fun. Ye got the time, as I remember. Unsuitable food served as snacks. Random philosophy masqueradin' as a player trying fer time tae think. Loads o' fun. I even have a game room set oop. All th' frills." A conspiratorial grin. "I've been dyin' tae try it out."

"And nothing's going to blow up?"

"Only virtually, I promise."

Rael nodded. "Someone has to educate the rest of your victims about this particular example of human insanity..." he sighed. "Count me in."

On the plus side, she wasn't bored any more. On the minus side, that high-pitched squeaking and eager grin was downright disturbing.

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Challenge #01294-C199: As the Station Turns

Aliens are exposed to Soap Operas and get hooked. -- KnitNan

Storytelling was not a new thing. Those species with the gift for inventing stories were more likely to find welcome, despite their status amongst Galactic Society.

Only humans had managed to conceive of a story with infinite potential to continue.

Some alien species had managed to decode the Terran transmissions, and eventually decoded the language as well. They thought it was an anthropological study of one particular human clan.

What they

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Challenge #01292-C197: The Best Place by the Fire

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/146903793739/my-fever-thoughts-the-last-two-days

There's got to be one species that's impressed by storytelling even if it's not solely humanity's "thing" in amalgam -- Gallifreya

One good thing you can plausibly state about humans is that time spent with them is never boring. Of course, that was their chief combination of blessing and curse. They were never boring.

Most species took to space for reasons of economy. Things on their homeworld were no longer easy to obtain. Yet there

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Challenge #01287-C192: So Like Immunity

The immune system is constantly walking the razor thin edge between doing sweet fuck all and killing you as collateral damage in an apocalyptic war. -- RecklessPrudence

They said that humans were much like their own immune system. Q'voth took that to mean that they were proof against anything that wanted to kill them. There was no way that a direct attack would work.

Therefore, Q'voth played the long game. Ingratiating her people with the humans. Infiltrating their everyday life. Whittling away

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Challenge #01283-C188: Steep Learning Curve

Names of recordings of training scenarios.

"Ode to places a cutting torch should never go"

"Three drones, one airlock and no sense"

And the cautionary tale about plasma torches, hypergolic fuel and explosive decompression simply entitled: "Don't" -- RecklessPrudence

Human training videos were baffling. They seemed designed to entertain, but also contained the full, gruesome consequences in order to horrify their audience into learning the lesson.

Newbies, it seemed, were suicidally incompetent. Sometimes, they were also homicidally so. And chief amongst their

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Challenge #01266-C171: He's Just a Softie, Really

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station

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Challenge #01227-C132: No Way Out

:From a former loose cannon/maverick's inner monologue:

But they were in a position of authority now, and for some reason that meant they didn't get to have their way anymore. -- Recklessprudence

Blaize Hartley hadn't meant to become a hero. It just sort of happened that way. She leaped in where angels would fear to hear about and winged it from there. She had an extreme knack for getting herself both into and out of the most ridiculous of pickles.

Including

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Challenge #01222-C127: Phrases of Doom

Person #1: Do not worry! I will fix it...

Person #2: You know, [Name], there are certain phrases in our language - such as that one - that simply cannot imply a good outcome. Do you know what I mean?

Person #1: Wow! This really DOES bond skin instantly!

Person #2: Good example. -- RecklessPrudence

Certain phrases imply impending doom. Whenever someone says, "What else can go wrong?" the universe is likely to answer with a supremely painful example.

Whenever a human

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Challenge #01194-C099: Close Encounter of the Petting Kind

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/141217786307/cosmictuesdays-trynottodrown-zooophagous -- Gallifreya

The problem was that there were humans on this planet, too. The bigger problem was that there were more of them than there were charges in Braxxyx's stunner.

The only plus side was that the humans didn't know this. Or that the stunner was non-lethal. Humans were dangerous to begin with. They were aggressive if they thought you were deadly.

Do not shoot at humans, they are dangerous when offended.

Braxxyx pointed her

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Challenge #01160-C065: Weird is Universal

A person is the only member of their species in a group, so a lot of their behaviour is passed off as "must be a (species) thing."

Then they meet up with the others and it turns out no, none of them do that, it's a Dave thing. -- Gallifreya

In the interests of diplomacy, crews from various species' crew have been shared out into other species' vessels. I think the Galactic Alliance is trying to engender familiarity with others as a

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Challenge #01080-B348: It Used to be a Good Shortcut...

Person #1: You're talking about shoving me in a torpedo and launching me at a planet!

Person #2: Details! Now shut up and get in there. -- RecklessPrudence

"No," said Rael. "I'm a little tired of being treated like some immensely indestructible thing for everyone else's convenience."

"But you are a-- mmmumf mmmf mfflmmff."

"Blakely. Can it." The captain took a deep breath. "You're right. We should have consulted you. But these Sargasso-style pirates have rigged it so that only the smallest

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