Submission

A 900-post collection

Challenge #00390 - A025: Ferocious Flavour

Something about the other alien species and the sheer amounts of food that humans eat that would digest us alive if we didn’t digest them first. Maybe a human explaining why we want that legalised to be imported on to a space station (because nobody likes eating nothing but space bran flakes)

“Council will hear…” T'rev moaned. “The Human Coalition.”

“As secretary of the Human Coalition on this station, I receive numerous petitions and pleas to add some variety into station-side food.”

“Your nutritional needs are already met in full.”

“Yes,” and that was the sticking point. “We acknowledge this, but humans get bored. And you want to reduce the incidents of Silly Season. A human with more to interest them is a human less inclined to indulge in… erratic behaviour.”

“And you believe you can accomplish this with…” T'rev consulted the list, “Tomatoes,” the committee gasped, “Pineapples,” shrieks, “Carbonic acid[1],” the delegate for Kinsh'ar fainted, “And assorted fungal and bacterial fermented lactate products?” At least three of the still conscious committee members murmured in shock and awe.

“And many others, yes, honoured delegate. Your Nutri-Pak liquid meals are everything we need, this is true, but they are not everything we want. We want flavour. You call boredom a plague. Flavour would at least slow that down.”

“Many of these flavours are hazardous to other cogniscent species.”

“We’re willing to eat them in a sealed environment. Come on! We’re going crazy, here.”

“There is no call,” T'rev sniffed, “for threats.”

“It was a plea for mercy.”

Odd that the humans didn’t enjoy being insane too often. Especially considering that that was their base method of operations. “We will consider altering the rules to allow… variety. Within reason.”

“Thank you,” the human sighed. Numerous humans in the audience were high-fiving each other. Considering how vehemently the committee had blocked these aggressive ‘foods’ in the past, mere consideration was a great leap forward.

T'rev couldn’t help but wonder if they were making a huge mistake.

[1] That’s “carbonated water” to the less chemically-inclined.

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Challenge #00389 - A024: Killer Mutant Zombie Human

“You know, considering how resilient humans are most of the time it’s a bit surprising that their reproductive system is so unprotected, especially the males.”

*pained moaning from just offscreen* 

This was beyond surreal. Sitting next to a human (well, technically human) and watching an ancient, speciesist movie with a human starring as the main antagonist. With the unbelievable knowledge that the human had instigated this.

He had asked why, but her answer made no sense. “Because

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Challenge #00388 - A023: The Sad Misadventures of Hwell Barrow

“So that’s how I accidentally wound up in an alien porn film.”

Bailing Hwell out of legal custody was nothing new. What was new was that he was naked, save for layers of assorted, melted and melting cheese. All of which he was busy licking off of his hairy arms.

Ax'and'l looked down at Hwell and his expanding mess and squeaked, “In your own words: what the flying hell, Hwell?”

Hwell continued chewing a long string

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Challenge #00387 - A022: The Biggest Game of Fetch

Buddy the golden retriever/lab mix, and Igor, his thinking-brain Pug.  Two Uplifted dogs, trekking together across the universe.  

Their winnings from the Great Nufurria Lawsuit had paid for the custom space suits that allowed them to sniff out the universe. Which was very important, because Buddy tended to lead with his nose.

“Play time? Play time?” Buddy panted.

“Almost, my friend,” Igor said, sounding for all the worlds like Peter Lorre. “You see the ship? We&

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Challenge #00386 - A021: One Disastrous Afternoon in the Offices of the Cogniscent Rights Commission

Certain dogs, when Uplifted, reverted to certain forms of speech.  Pugs, for instance, always tended to sound…..minionish.  Sort of Peter Lorre-esque, if you would, but with more lithping. “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!” proclaimed the first woman to Uplift a dog.  "Much more pleasant than the shrill voices of Maltese and Shih Tzus, don’t you think?  Not sure what’s up with the poodles - no matter what

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Challenge #00385 - A020: Best Frienemies

Any lingering animosity between them vanished, replaced by a combined resolve to horribly embarrass their sons.!

"KNEEL, PUNY MORTALS!”

“Da-a-a-a-ad…”

“AVAUNT, MISCREANT!”

“Da-a-a-a-ad…”

Two sons shared a sympathetic look of mutual mortification as their parents started a war in the parking lot of their new grade school. Both wanted, but lacked the power, to dig themselves a foxhole in the tarmac and never come out again.

The rest of the playground

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Challenge #00384 - A019: Seriously?

a particularly nasty paradox tangle involving one monstrous salamander, sixteen copies of a popular children’s book, and a length of lead pipe”

“No. I heard it was Kudzu, unrestrained cheese and a goldfish.”

“No way. It was mouldy bread, a pile of newsprint and a tribe of cusp-cogniscent mice.”

“I swear it was the one about the hippopotamus, the hedge and the piano.”

“I thought it was just a blockage in a

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Challenge #00383 - A018: Please Understand

“Darling, I love you, and I could never be scared of you. However some things you do will terrify me on a primal level, so please do not be offended that I practically teleport off the couch every time you do that scree-ah noise.”

“You mean this one?” Scree-ah!

“EEE!” Pant pant pant. “Yes. That’s the one. Gets me right in the primitive cortex.”

“Even with a warning?”

“Yes,

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Challenge #00379 - A014: One Fine Afternoon Whilst Escorting the Ambassador From Jaarl

You probably already saw this but here’s another prompt for you:

http://cleromancy.tumblr.com/post/69788968504/something-i-think-about-a-lot-is-what-if-alien

[AN: No, I hadn’t seen it, but I’m running with the idea]

Not everyone meets the galactic confluence at a convenient time. And rather than rousing the ire of over thirty thousand assorted ambassadors just for an introduction, a new Ambassador is sent to go on a tour of the most important planets to know about.

And ever

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Challenge #00377 - A012: Fandom Follies

You mentioned once in a fic that Kurt was a B5 fan.  Mind ficcing more about that?  (I’ve been bingeing on B5 lately).  Bonus if Sara is involved.  ^_^

“And then Marcus pops up out of nowhere an–”

“Wait. This is a fanfic, ja?”

“Ye-es. What part of AU did you fail to understand?”

“The AU part. I was hoping further conversation would help me decode you.”

“Just put your hand

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Challenge #00376 - A011: Unconventional.

Dogs on an interplanetary space station. What could possibly go wrong?

[AN: Here’s one I did earlier… But I presume you mean non-augments, so…]

The galactic community were just barely getting used to humans. There were large numbers of cogniscents who tended to run and hide when they spotted even a small one. Luckily, many humans did not view this as an insult and, in fact, some found it amusing.

The galactic community were also barely accustomed to

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Challenge #00375 - A010: Animal Associate

The concept of pets is an odd one to explain, although firsthand experience tends to fill in the gaps you can’t quite articulate. And when pets are involved experience is going to happen whether it is planned or not.

Jane figured she should get used to aliens feeling her. They didn’t mean to be rude, she knew. They were just curious.

But, she swore to God, if one more of them tried to taste her hair…

One

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Perks of a new job

Did I mention that one of the perks of this job offer is that you get to burn down your current office? – RecklessPrudence

(#00374 - A009)

Amycus Carrow looked at the pink mess in front of him. The kitten plates were gone, but the abundance of pink remained in the office like a pall of death.

Delores Umbrige hadn’t cleaned up after herself when she was taken for psychiatric assistance.

Behind him, Headmaster Severus Snape caught his aura of

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Challenge #00373 - A008: Madthod

‘Is there really method to your madness, or just a functional madness successfully disguising itself as method?’

‘Both, of course, the precise proportions varying according to time and place.’ – RecklessPrudence

Rael watched helplessly as Shayde ‘wreaked hob’ on the enemy systems. She was cackling.

His own instincts to fix were not a problem in this situation. Digesting the poison they’d tried to use on them was. It was doing things to his internal systems that was, frankly,

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Challenge #00372 - A007: T'reka the Unobservant

Missing the forest for the exotic small mites living under the feathers of the woodpecker. – RecklessPrudence

She was focussed intently on the little bird on the branch above her. Of course, as an avian herself, birds were nothing new. But this little creature was like nothing that came from the records of Hu'lu'a. It did not scratch or pick at the bark between her and the grubs. It hammered at it.

Toktoktoktoktoktoktoktok…

She could infer that this creature had protection

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