Kurt Wagner

A 20-post collection

Challenge #01158-C063: Saint Kurt of the Mutants

One Kurt Wagner, he of the lifelong fear of growing horns, eventually notices the gradually brightening heavenly glow around his head -- Gallifreya

He was half-asleep when the realisation came. Stumbling about in the pre-dawn gloom and not in a state of mind to question anything, Kurt took his shower and was brushing his teeth when he idly wondered what was wrong with the lights.

And then he realised that he hadn't turned them on.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. Foam at his mouth, post-shower scruff, toothbrush still embedded between his pointy teeth. And a subtle glow surrounding his hair. Just enough to give shape to the darkness.

"Vas?" he croaked.

The lights flared on, making him curse. And eliminating all trace of the glow. Logan entered and growled, "Geez, Elf. Learn to turn lights on f'r the rest of us."

During the following weeks, Kurt was moderately certain he was hallucinating. Every time it was dark, he saw a light coming from his head. In two weeks, it was a solid disk. Well. Seemingly solid. He could put his fingers right through it if he tried to touch it.

Then came the bombing of the Mutant Orphanage. Since the Safe Haven laws, those born with visible mutations were most often left on various doorsteps or, in more than a few headline cases, by their dumpsters. The survivors wound up in places like this. Underfunded, overcrowded, abandoned and unloved.

The X-Men all took the time to visit. Show the kids that there was hope.

And now they all came at once. To extinguish the fires. To rescue those who were trapped. To comfort those who wept. To heal those who were injured. And, if it came to that, mourn the dead.

There should have been dead.

The bomb went off practically right next to Kurt, who teleported out of the Home with a small cluster of the kids he'd been reading to. He spent the next twenty minutes with prayers spilling from his mouth. Teleporting in and out, grabbing kids and getting them out of the fires.

The injuries were small. The only person gravely hurt was the main housekeeper, who was well-known to hate her job. And her charges. Whenever she was on duty, the one television was constantly tuned to an anti-mutant broadcast.

Later investigation would reveal that she was the bomber.

But the important part was that everyone who was there... saw it. The one mutant who should have been exhausted by his efforts. Who should have flagged and failed inside the first few minutes, continually working to help and rescue everyone inside the burning building. And they also saw, when the fires went out and the flame retardants shorted out the block... that the most demonic of all mutants had a definite halo.

Shining with light enough to continue illuminating the scene.

And some swore they saw more than one angel helping out the EMT's. The shaky phonecam footage seemed to back them up, too.

Many pointed to the hand of God. And those who pointed at the hand of the devil did so with very shaky fingers.

The Catholic Church was very careful about what they said in regards to a mutant saint. But then, they always had problems with saints when they were still alive.

(Muse food remaining: 34. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Why the X-Men are no longer allowed at the zoo, and why Kurt got offered a summer internship there.


For a change, it wasn’t Kurt’s fault. He had been minding his own business, chatting to the elephants in Mahout at the time.

Logan, as tour guide, was waxing lyrical about the predators when a lioness, recognizing a threat, neatly snagged his face from behind and tried to drag him inside.

Fourteen mutants unleashed their powers at once, resulting in general panic, twenty escapes, and overall mayhem.

Kurt was the one who came to the rescue, with the help

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blithefool: crow821: I'm sorry marvel, but you suck at ending things. You always kill off the Kurts. So.. I'm ending the hellfire saga for...



I’m sorry marvel, but you suck at ending things. You always kill off the Kurts. So.. I’m ending the hellfire saga for you.

Yes. This. Very good.

Edit to add: This comic needs more notes!

The original artist is now officially my favourite person on this earth. Advance warning: I am tracking you down and following you with semi-obsessive glee.

Because this is made of awesome.

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Why Kurt is banned from trying anything he "saw Onkel Wolf do once"


“Kurt, what are you doing?”

“Who? Me?” he quickly hid his hands behind his back. “Nothing much.”

“Isn’t that Todd’s locker?”

Kurt gained a sick and desperate grin. “Why would I be doing something to Todd Tolenski’s locker? It certainly has nothing to do with any interesting kind of prank war.”

Jean glared at him. “You do know you are trying to lie to a telepath…”

“It’s okay. I saw Onkel Wolf do this, once…”

After the

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Why Kurt Wagner was banned from Show-And-Tell


There is a rule in classrooms all over the world. When it’s Show and Tell day, beware the kid with the cardboard box. Or the self-motive brown paper bag.

This time, it was Kurt ‘that weirdo’ Wagner with the cardboard box and the optimistic grin.

His record said he used to work in a circus, and you could believe it, the way he oversold all his presentations with carney-level breathless superlatives.

“Ladies and Gentlemen—”

“Let’s skip the preamble, Wagner.

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Kurt's idea of volunteering at the animal shelter may not have been the best idea.


“Any previous experience?”

“Ja, I helped rehabilitate a few animals back home,” said Kurt. He decided not to mention the pet raven, deer, squirrels or the nearly-tame wolf. “I’m very good with them.”

“Nothing… professional?”

“Eh… Heirelgart is a little bit… isolated. We had a traveling vet and a traveling doctor. We learned to help ourselves, ne? For a time, I *was* the vet.”

“Mm.” Shuffle shuffle, went the papers on the lady’s desk. “Well, you can start by

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Fanfic Time: Heaven, Earth and Hell, part 9

Continued from yesterday, and concluding today:

  By the time Celia got back to the kitchen, there was a bilingual argument going on.

  “Of course I talk! What? Did you think I was a *pet*?”

  “C'est impossible. Quelle sorte d'une maison de fous est ceci?”

  “It’s your fault! You decided to walk into a circus trailer. Dummkopf.”

  “Oui, mais moi a marché dans un bas de page d'entraóneur animal… qu'ils n'ont pas –

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Fanfic Time: Heaven, Earth and Hell, part 8

Continued from yesterday:

  He woke in a nest of cushions with a fan ruffling his fur. The grandmother-esque woman - Mrs Nezmith? - sat calmly nearby reading a book.

  “Feeling better?”

  “I’m sorry,” he blurted.

  “Whatever for?” she reached over to soothe his hair into place, brushing an ear and his cheek by co-incidence. “It’s perfectly natural to be nervous, Kurt. New things can be frightening.”

  He sat up, trying

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Fanfic Time: Heaven, Earth and Hell, part 7

Continued from yesterday:

  Kurt stared off into space. Mama wasn’t Mama. Her hair was wrong. There had been other things, of course, tiny signals that he’d ignored or glossed over in the want to have Mama close.

  He wasn’t really dead.

  No Purgatory.

  No hope of heaven.

  No true escape from Sir.

  No re-uniting with the family he loved.

  Nothing, in fact, but more heartache and fear and the eventual return to chains and Sir’

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Fanfic Time: Heaven, Earth and Hell, part 6

Continued from yesterday:

  “You didn’t.”

  “I sure as hell *did*,” Celia argued. “I *had* to.”

  “And what if you fell over sick or something?”

  “For God’s sake, Betty…”

  “You’re our chief animal handler. If something happened to you–”

  “It *didn’t* happen, okay? I just carried him from the tent to the goddamn trailer. I’ve done that with

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