Challenge

A 350-post collection

Potentially kindasorta NSFW prompt...

Humans are encountered by a race who has cyclical breeding seasons rather than humanlike sex-at-anytime urges. Both are baffled by the other’s views on sexuality.

I imagine the human idea of sex being something that is always a possibility, a low level cultural background radiation, would be insane for a race that had naturally-regimented behavior where such urges are only really a noteworthy thing for a few weeks a year (though during that time, it’s a BIG deal).

It’d make gender discussions across species interesting if they did have actual, honest to god, biologically-preset responses around sex and gender. “No, I’m not being vulgar, she will literally lose her mind and have sex with anyone. So will I, eventually, it’s just something we deal with now and then. How your kind can handle the constant wanting for it, I can’t even imagine.”

(#00818-B087)

“Pear-mer!” The human held her hands up in a gesture of peace and welcoming. “I haven’t seen you in a whille. All is well?”

“Of course all is well,” Piar’mir. “It was not travel season.”

“Oh…” Ri’ki put her arms down. “This is a culture thing? You go home for the gods?”

“No,” said Piar’mir. “Biology. We need to be at home.” She lowered her voice to a whisper, “Mating season.”

“Aw. I wish you’d warned me,” sighed Ri’ki. “I got three month’s shipments of Kor’exxi gone to seed, now.”

“Three… months…” Piar’mir boggled. “You did not have mating season?”

The human displayed her teeth. “Human mating season is whenever, wherever.” Ri’ki shrugged. “Most of pairing up is finding out if the other person is into you.”

“Sounds… needlessly complicated,” Piar’mir confessed. “But I shall do you a favour, my friend. That rotted Kor’exxi has its uses in the fields. If you ferment it with a special yeast, not only do you get a powerful liquor, but the spent mash is an excellent fertiliser.”

“Way ahead of you on the fermenting part,” Ri’ki grinned. “I got local yeast because I know the Terran varieties are -ah- aggressive.”

It was then that Piar’mir had to wonder exactly what this creature had been up to during those three months.

[Muse food remaining: 17. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00815-B084: No Connection

Challenge: Write a story using only one half of a dialogue

Chase: I need you (Sent 1:15PM)

Chase: Like really important (Sent 1:23PM)

Chase: I can see you’re online (Sent 1:27PM)

Chase: Please don’t ignore? (Sent 1:32PM)

Chase: I’m sorry about everything, ever. Promise (Sent 1:36PM)

Chase: Something blew up and I’m stuck in the rubble (Sent 1:37PM)

Chase: For reals (Sent 1:41PM)

Chase: I’m not fooling here (Sent 1:

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Challenge #00814-B083: He Said/He Said

Challenge: Write a story using only dialogue

[AN: I’M BAAA-AAAAAACK! Taking this carefully and slowly so I don’t wind up with another four weeks of convalescence]

“This is all your fault.”

“My fault? My fault? I just landed in here two seconds ago, how could it be my fault?”

“It’s always your fault. How much have you had to drink?”

“Two standard volume units. Of water.”

“Huh. Fire water, belike. I know you too well, human. You reek of

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"No, try it, it goes good with everything..."

It was once said that “with enough fried onions and mustard people would eat anything.”  This has also been proven to apply to the additions of either chocolate or bacon.

Frankly, as it has been quite a long time since humanity first wound up discovering these multipurpose edibles, it’s often considered a great wonder that human civilization has not yet managed to eat itself to death, either by the direct sense of gorging and gluttony, or by the indirect sense of

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Challenge #00807-B076: To Ride the Dark

On the Dark Side of the Force:  you can’t let it guide you like you can the Light, you must not, in fact. Rather, you have to muzzle it - or perhaps ride it, is a better analogy. Use it’s power, but do not let it run away with you. Like with a particularly independent, stubborn, and genocide-happy horse.

“You have much anger in you. That is good. It is a feeling. Feeling is life.” The Master smiled at her

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Challenge #00801-B070: When Lorraine Met Walter

Is it bird! Is it a plane. No it’s a Plot Bunny!

[AN: This story hails all the way back to story #298 in the first One Year of Instants. Buy your copy now!]

When she first saw Walter, she mistook him for a hobo and pretended she didn’t see him.

Their second meeting was even less auspicious. Her landlord hired her to serve him a writ about the smell. She found him in the middle of a nest of

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Challenge #00798-B067: A Solid What?

That most interesting of currencies, The Favour.

“It is not worth my Time, patience and anguish to even go near that piece of retro insanity you call a personal vehicle.”

Shayde thought she was upping the ante when she said, “I’ll owe ye a solid…”

He glared at her. “A solid what?”

“A solid favour. It’s a thing. Like ye need me tae do som'att ye don’t want

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Challenge #00796-B065: These Humans Are Crazy

An aliens reaction to the punch buggy game

“Punch buggy white!”

“Hey! One, that is clearly blue, and two - we’re in a freaking car museum. Knock it off.”

“Where’s your sense of humour?”

Janice gritted her teeth. “We’re in front of ambassadors,” she grated. “You’re embarrassing your entire species.”

Meanwhile, Ambassador Vrex was taking notes. Humans are instinctually violent. Even their games and

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Still in South Park

Kurt and Todd, still in South Park. The “184th” line has pretty much become their soundtrack. Todd is rolling with the weirdness, but Kurt is nearing a breakdown (shot at by Jimbo and Ned, witnessing Kenny die multiple times, constantly stalked by geneticist Dr, Mephisto). They’re walking down the street discussing this, when they see Jesus and Satan at a cafe having coffee. Cue freak-out.

(#00787 - B056)

“…so hungry…”

“Yo, hungry’s your default

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Challenge #00733 - B002: Buggier Than a Backyard Barbie

You know, the only good thing about [operating system] is that even the viruses have compatibility issues.

Yusslisstek BSOS had only one advantage over other, more stable systems. It was almost completely immune to any kind of virus, trojan, spyware, malware or worm ever concocted by the devious minds of hackers anywhere.

This was mainly because BSOS was a collection of kludges held together by the willpower of the coders and, some suspected, dark sorcery.

It would certainly explain why, when it

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Challenge #00724 - A359: Technobabble

From a forum conversation on technobabble: “we’re running low on pixie dust and the containment breach can’t hold any more rabbits so the ship is going to explode from thermal expansion and kill us all”

Responded to with: “Pfft, everyone knows pixie dust is self-containing.”

They called it the Ark.

“So… you got all the StarMetal that was ever made, and turned it into… this?”

“There’s also magically re-enforced Dweomer Steel. It’

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Challenge #00722 - A357: Food That Sings

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/104613467865/the-magical-crawdad-mmolio-funkocide

“asexual sirens getting real fuckin pissed about all these sailors interrupting choir rehearsal”

“sirens are already asexual they dont have sex with the men they kill them”

“well no wonder they kill them they keep interrupting choir rehearsal”

“Asexual mermaids being really pleased when an asexual sailor begins singing baritone counterpoint.”

They usually didn’t pay attention to the wooden things that floated on top of their

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"Did you hear the one about the two humans?"

What if the majority (or at least a statistically-notable percentage) of the Galactic Community had mating seasons, like most animals do, so that as a result, with humanity’s decidedly non-seasonal “anytime and anywhere” sexual biology, we’re the butt of a million planets’ cheezy and/or stereotype-based dirty jokes…

[AN: Trigger warning: rape mention]

(#00721 - A356)

Of course, humans supplied some of them. Nothing cycles around quicker than a recycled joke.

“How many humans does it take to screw

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Challenge #00720 - A355: The Abomination

“SPACE IT!” “BURN IT!” “We’ll compromise. LAUNCH IT INTO THE SUN!”

“What is it?” asked M'ri.

“I think it’s a human artefact,” Chobb turned the object over in her hands. It was roughly spherical, and featured false fur in lurid colours. There were comical parodies of eyes above a birdlike pointed beak. Yet it had mammalian ears and ducklike feet. “I think it might be a platypus

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Challenge #00719 - A354: Divinity Proclivity

I am not the god of reason and understanding, I am the GOD OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING -Thor

The halo was a dead give-away, really. Something about a God in mortal form made a visible aura of light a definite thing.

May ran through ever possible conversation gambit in her head and finished up with, “So you’re a God, then.”

“Not a capital-G god,” said the divinity. “Not any more. Not enough followers, you see.

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