You have doubtless heard of rich people being able to buy ranch space on the bright side of the moon. And you’ve probably laughed at it. Stupid rich people, right?
Well, now’s the chance to get smarter.
We have been able to secure exclusive rights to the dark side of the moon!
It was surprisingly cheap. You have no idea how few folks wanted it. But where others see an unwanted territory, we see opportunity!
With a combined array of mirrors and solar collectors, we plan to have a powered base on the dark side, located in either the Pavlov or Tsiolkovskiy crater. Tsiolkovskiy is looking better because, as a darker crater, it is more likely to contain vital ice water deposits. That, and it’s fun to say. Try it.
See?
Of course, you can build a lunar ranch anywhere you like. You have a whole half a planetoid to choose from. We’re just building a base in Tsiolkovskiy. It’s gonna be kickin’.
And we’re not just building a space mall/motel. No. We plan to bring job opportunities with us via a potentially lucrative Lunar Drilling operation. Lunar rocks from the bright side are worth millions. Therefore, lunar rocks from the dark side have to be worth at least twice that, owing to their unknown properties. But you don’t have to spend your working day down the mines!
There are vast opportunities for meteor prospecting on the dark side. After all, it is the side of the moon that is most open to stellar debris. Meteors are worth lots of money on Terra. Imagine how much collectors will pay for a pristine sample unsullied by Earth’s atmosphere!
If mining or prospecting is not your style, how about astronomy? The dark side has an unrivaled view of the universe, with very little to get in the way of your observations. The scientific advances will be worth millions.
And the health benefits of living on the moon are - forgive the phrase - astronomical. You can loose up to two thirds of your weight just by traveling to the moon!
We will be looking for the more melanin-enhanced folks to colonize, since they will be more resistant to stellar radiation. They will also have a natural advantage in the 28-Terran-day Lunar Day, being already acclimated to long stretches of work. Plus, with all that dark abounding, the naturally darker skin tone is advantageous for camouflage.
But it’s not all work and no play! The advantage of living on the moon is the 28-Terran-day night life! The party just goes on and on! And you can literally sleep for a week!
Atmosphere will be arranged via symbiotic plant life, including but not limited to: Pilea mollis, Ipomea alba, and Petulia axillaris. These plants are preconditioned to flourish in lunar soil.
We are asking for seed money from the rich and lazy who want to say that they’re a part of interstellar history without actually taking part in any of it. This will doubtless be profitable as rich people are the laziest people on the planet.
Or, come to think of it, off the planet, too.
No lycanthropes need apply.
