Submission

How I have felt, on occasion.

Critical system Error at WhattheflyingF.exe
Restoring brain from backup. – RecklessPrudence

(#00287)

“You broke him!”

“Nah-uh. You broke him!”

“You’re the one who told him the fifth pun!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

Billie the Walter Girl sighed and reached for the Number Five hammer. About thirty PSI seemed about right.

{CLANG!}

“Somebody told a pun,” complained The Spine as he rebooted.

“Yeah, your logic circuits can’t take too many of those,” said Billie. “Gentlebots, do try to limit yourselves to no more than three puns per show in future.”

“What happens at the third pun?” asked Rabbit.

“Well,” said The Spine, “I hit you.”

[Muse food remaining: 22 (fic war prompts, 0). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

For when Holy Water just won't do...

After a series of unfortunate events I need to know where you can get a ballistic missile sanctified. Preferably with no questions asked. – RecklessPrudence

(#00286)

Blemisch looked over the data again. The weapons of science had had little effect on the beast currently corralled in a crevasse. However, science had determined that certain materials with occult significance had had some impact.

Her team was not the Mythbusters - they were busy. However, certain Mythbuster fans were just as good.

If a

Since I know you got started writing DS9 stuff...

(please note, this does not _have_ to be Star Trek, use whatever fits)

Species 8472 could be reasoned with. They could be bargained with. And they sure as hell did not drive one insane with their mere presence,

The Medusans do.

You have to understand, the Federation has one of the ballsiest diplomatic corps in fiction. They’re the guys who have to walk up to Cthulhu and make friends. – RecklessPrudence

(#00285)

There is a saying in Starfleet: There’

Challenge #00284: All Things Ridiculous and Human

Squashed Fly Biscuits - the round shortbread ones or garibaldis, whichever is more convenient.

Bonus points if someone is disappointed to find out they don’t contain real flies.

(all the bonus points ever if it involves T'reka, I’ve totally fallen in love with that story, but realistically whoever fits the prompt)

From the Journal of T'reka the Inquisitive:

With exposure, I have been picking up some of the human language. They understand that I am still learning and

You overhear the strangest things from public-phone conversations sometimes...

“…well, sir, it was about, oh, a meter or so tall, looked kinda like if someone had stuck bat-ears, a big-lipped face, skinny arms and legs, a ratty wig, and, er, prominent female features on a big lima-bean of some sort and… …No, no sir, I’m not drunk or drugged, I swear it. As I clocked in and went to begin my shift, it - or she, I guess - was sloppily wandering around the central

Challenge #00282: The Kindness of Strangers

In the bottom of one of the many pockets of the bag, forgotten but apparently not for that long, was a slightly battered perfectly pink apple. It had been on many journeys, and was remarkably unscathed considering how easily apples usually succumb to bumping about in a bag full of other odds and ends.

There was a face on it. A happy face made of two small circles and a larger arc. Cut into the skin by someone else’s knife.

See where this bit of commenting takes you...

“I feel like I am just footsteps away from either screaming in fury or breaking down into body-shaking tears… and I’m not sure which. But you’d never tell it by looking at me. I’m good at bottling things up and repressing my reactions. For a while anyway; every bottle breaks eventually, no matter how sturdy its glass. I don’t know when I began this habit, or why I keep doing it, but

Challenge #00279: Welcome Walter's Metal Men

Steam Powered Giraffe are in the x-verse, only they’re really mechanical men (made by someone with Forge-like skill) or living-metal mutants (similar to Colossus). Your choice.

“Sara… What the hell?”

“Dun ma'e me smi'e…” Sara said, drawing on her face with metallic paint. She was wearing, amongst other things, a corset, a frilly skirt, striped stockings, and accessories apparently made of gears.

“You know you can just program your holographic emitter to do

Challenge #00278: Den of Iniquity

Jacqui, the blackie, the lackey named Pertwee (and yes I know she’s a she! :P) and the almost comical bond formed watching the terrorist let loose in a crafts store.

[AN: Can we not have racist (or any –ist) words in submissions, please? No matter how cute it might be that it rhymes, it is not a nice word.]

John Smith had come to catch the mutant out. He still suspected that Scott Summers was somehow cheating, even after

"Awwwww!!!"

Good idea, wrong innovator. Bonus if you can use a member of the new recruits not normally given a starring role. Details please.

(#00277)

{trickle trickle trickle trickle DOONK}

Jamie leaned back in appreciation. He made it work! He made something work! And it was beautiful.

“What the hell, Squirt?”

“It’s an office meditation toy,” he announced. Sure, this one was made out of whatever he could scrounge, but the finished product… was going to

Challenge #00276: Peck of Dust, Dust, Dust...

Dust.

People tend to think about the big things, when it comes to the perils of space travel. Meteors. Solar flares. Stresses on the air tanks. Sparks in unwanted places.

Few ever ponder that a crew might encounter trouble with their own epithelial cloud.

Five year missions were the maximum, after the trouble had been discovered, of course. People who got dandruff either had to shave (carefully!), vacuum, or pass on the idea of going into space in the first place.

Filters

Challenge #00275: On the Folly of Tailored Worlds

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s a bore. Eh?

Worlds can not be built. That sort of thing takes millions of years, and no known cogniscents are willing to wait that long.

They can, however, be tailored.

The most famous group for doing this are the Archivaas. A human-descended cult of collecting, collating, storing and sorting records and information of all kinds. As a preventative measure against data loss, post Shattering, much akin to

Challenge #00274: Anomalous Behavior

21 years ago there was a container spilt at sea containing thousands of bright yellow rubber duckies as well as frogs and turtles. Scientists are still using the data from where they are found to make better charts of ocean currents and point out anomalies and there were notices posted on loads of beaches of a number to call and where to find the duck’s serial number to make sure it was from the spill.

Most have been recovered, but

Mundane Utility: The Sequel

Expanding on the previous challenge, why not show how some other mutants with fantastic superhuman powers use their incredible abilities for decidedly non-incredible things? Pick at least two. Oh, but not obvious/overdone stuff like Jean using her TK as an extra hand - be creative. – Josh

(#00273)

“This is my popcorn,” Lance protested. “You want some, go make your own.”

“But I’m hungry now,” protested Freddy.

Todd used his prehensile tongue to

Challenge #00272: So sharp...

Realising that Wolverine rarely, if ever, actually washes his claws

or

Wolverine getting a hand cleaning the claws, because it’s fiddly when both sets are out and he can’t put them away until all the bits of zombie/dirt/stuff are gone

[AN: Since it’s my birthday, today, you get both.]

“Whaddaya mean, don’t ‘perform field surgery’?”

“What is up with you?” demanded Scott.

Sara looked around at

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A 900-post collection

How I have felt, on occasion.

For when Holy Water just won't do...

Since I know you got started writing DS9 stuff...

Challenge #00284: All Things Ridiculous and Human

You overhear the strangest things from public-phone conversations sometimes...

Challenge #00282: The Kindness of Strangers

See where this bit of commenting takes you...

Challenge #00279: Welcome Walter's Metal Men

Challenge #00278: Den of Iniquity

"Awwwww!!!"

Challenge #00276: Peck of Dust, Dust, Dust...

Challenge #00275: On the Folly of Tailored Worlds

Challenge #00274: Anomalous Behavior

Mundane Utility: The Sequel

Challenge #00272: So sharp...