Part of a tiny story - Unfurl by IPostAtMidnight
She usually enjoyed unfurling a fresh sheet over her bed, swishing it out like they do in those detergent commercials. Tonight, however, as the sheet settled down onto the empty mattress, it outlined the contours of a body.
It wasn’t a pleasant silhouette, either. It was the doughy shape of a man who couldn’t be bothered with himself. And further, the sheet above the body immediately stuck to pools of what she hoped were sweat. Vigorous action around the crotch region indicated that the man was pleasuring himself.
“Hey babe,” said a familiar voice.
“Ugh,” whispered Bea. God, not Tony. Fucking Tony. “What the flying shit, Tony?”
“How’d you know it was me? You got no proof.”
“Given the number of times you’ve orchestrated an incident where I ‘accidentally’ walk in on you masturbating and you ask me if I like what I see? Plus I know your voice. Get out and take your skeezy habits with you. I already told you I never want to see you again.”
“I know,” said the invisible Tony. Still masturbating lazily under the sheet. “That’s why I went to extreme lengths for you. I know you want to get fucked by the invisible man.”
Bea glared at the space where his head should have been. “Which part of 'fuck off’ did you repeatedly fail to understand?”
“I heard 'fuck me’…” he purred in what he imagined to be a seductive tone.
“Get out. Get lost. Go find some other woman to annoy. I don’t even like you. You’re a disgusting example of a human being and I would prefer that you took up residence on the other side of the universe.”
“Aw c'mon, babe. I did all this for you. You should be grateful. Everything I’ve done, I did it so you would love me.”
“Obviously taking a shower wasn’t in your itinerary,” Bea observed.
“I know you want it dirty…”
“I would rather burn this house to the ground with me inside than have sex with you!”
“Third degree burns? Kinky. I think I could swing it. For you, babe.”
Bea had a better idea. “Close your eyes and no peeking.”
He evidently put her night mask on.
She set him on fire instead. Watching the invisible douchebro burn was hilarious. Besides, she never wanted to touch that bed or those sheets again, now that they’d been infected by Tony’s presence.
Unfortunately, he survived. Bawling all the way through hospital, court, and into prison that the fire hadn’t hurt him as much as her rejection.
And, strangely enough, Bea was grateful to him in the end. If it wasn’t for the court case, she’d have never met the love of her life, Andrea.
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