InterNutter

Challenge #01882-E058: Flakk it

After having done something stupid and dangerous to escape a hazardous situation At the time it seemed like a good idea. Afterwards, it's a miracle that it worked without killing us all. -- Anon Guest

It takes a special kind of human to be the Ship's Human in a war zone. Crew need quick thinkers, Luckers of a certain calibre, and those with rapid improvisational skills. Or, as it was known amongst the Humans, "MacGyvering the shit out of things."

Human meme culture is strange, labyrinthine, and difficult to interpret into GalStand. Many do not try.

Reese "Flakkit" Jones was one of those humans. They had been on fifteen ships in as many GalStand Months, and the reason for their nickname becomes increasingly obvious the more time they spend on a vessel. This was ship sixteen. They were slowly leaking atmosphere, low on power, and facing their death through the pirates they had been trying and failing to fight.

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An Experiment

I have followed my dear family's advice and bookmarked the bajillions of browser tabs that I used to have open.

If this turns out to be the thing that was clogging my compy, then I shall publicly label myself a derpy derpington from derpton who derps all the live long day. Because I would be a massive derp.

The plus side of this being that I would then have $4K AUD to put towards a new lappy. Yay.

Which, in turn, would

Challenge #01881-E057: As a Bird

Never underestimate the sanctity for some people of the most trivial things, from the wine used to cook to the way to open a pack of cigarettes. -- Anon Guest

Being married to Blake was like... being pecked to death by finches. The really tiny ones that you could never believe were a real bird. And though their tiny little beaks didn't leave much of an impact on their own, they could whittle away a loaf of bad bread all the same.

Back to... normal?

I think I have things worked out. Apart from the whole "owning a credit card" thing. Which I still haven't shifted myself for and probably won't today.

I have arranged things so I can do just about everything I need to do on the lappy. Yay. Including putting the Instants Master File up on the cloud. Huge deal. Each Year of Instants is pretty huge, but five of them? That's firkin enormous.

I put the money for my new compy/repaired compy

Challenge #01880-E056: Truly Heavenly?

Turns out that Satan is a really nice guy who hate violence and God is an old sadistic pervert. Because their roles is just a job, and the Administration messed up with their applications. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm guessing 90% of this prompt is based on the Old Testament, Revelations, and possibly the Satanic Rules of Earth as concocted by a bunch of stir-the-pot atheists who routinely cause trouble when the Christians try to shove their religion into public spaces]

Everyone

I've got this.

[AN: This should have been posted yesterday. Sorry about that]

The AC has crashed in my main parlour of employment, turning the entire room and anyone in there into humid, sticky goop incapable of rational thought.

And since I was running around, most of yesterday, I didn't do any of the post scheduling that my prescient past self had already done this Friday past.

However, it's too hot in my office to use the computer on the regular, so I have to

Inertia

It takes practically all morning to convince my little darlings into getting ready for the day. Especially the mandatory daily bathing.

If they didn't fart around so much in getting clean, they'd have more time for farting around on the fun stuff.

Of course, they don't understand this and waste all of everyone's time in delay and denial and end up having no fun at all, resenting me for trying to get them to do stuff, and starting the cycle again the

Challenge #01879-E055: You Have Been Randomly Selected

In case of epic quest to save the world, it's never the Royal Guards or the veteran that we send. Because the guard must protect the Royal Family and the veteran are either too old or already dead. So it's always the rookies adventurers who will be blocked by a locked wooden door. -- Anon Guest

They had tried, once, and only once, to send the Great Hero to defeat the evil forces of darkness. What they discovered was the Unwritten Rule:

Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

[Title, "The Harkness Test"] Because if Humanity discovers Alien life without needing a xenocide (from either side), there will be at least 1 person who will try to mate with them. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Again, please do not make your prompt title part of your prompt. You could literally make your prompt title a serial number. I care about the prompt content, and doing the title stuff is a pain in my butt]

Some elementary truths about humans in general, and

::Deep breath:: Fuck.

Monday. Following a weekend that was possibly 40% travel 30% hard beds, and 20% what the fuck are we gonna EAT? Leaving 10% for the socialisation that we actually went there to do.

It is possible to go on a Leyland's Tour and stick to Keto, but it's something of an uphill battle, at times. If all else fails, you can order a salad at Maccas, or go pick up something at a Coles. And there's always cheese cubes. Or cheese that

Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Sometimes the person you admire or love has a passion or hobby that they would really love to get stuff for. -- Anon Guest

Hobbyists are easy to buy for. Well. Most of them are. Gardeners will love you for getting a big bag of manure. Leatherworkers - the less said about the gross stuff that Leatherworkers would thank you for, the better. Especially if they do their own tanning. Arts and crafts people will be grateful for infinite art supplies.

But

Ugh.

The real trouble with overnight accommodations is the shit you're willing to put up with for "just one night". The pillow's understuffed for me, but it's just one night. The bed's too hard for me, but it's just one night. The air con has no middle ground between freezing cold and stuffy warmth, but it's just one night...

And on it goes. Little minor annoyances that mount up to sleeping tense, sleeping really lightly, and not getting in a good sleep at

Challenge #01876-E052: When You Put it That Way

National delicacy, the sort of stuff diplomats have to eat and appear to enjoy. Sheep's eyeballs and truly rotten fish come to mind. -- Anon Guest

"So what is this one?" And since this was the second time the Ambassador asked this question about the foodstuff before them, they didn't want to know what it was named. They wanted to know what it was made of.

"A goose's liver, after the animal has been force-fed to the point where said liver becomes

Adventure?

We're travelling this weekend, and all my faithful readers here will know that I do not travel well. It's a long way to Bundaberg, and we will be staying overnight.

So therefore, I will be a wreck by Monday.

If I'm driving, we will be listening to MBMBAM, pronounced, M' bimbam. And short for My Brother, My Brother, and Me another brilliantly hilarious podcast by the Brothers McElroy. They take daft questions from the interwebs and turn them into ridiculous answers. It's

Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...

“Humans? We are the most dangerous animal on earth. Not shark, not bear, not anything else. Us. Other animals, they kill when they need to, and only then. Kill for food, or for protection. We kill when we think we need to, kill when we want to... It is not the same.” -- Anon Guest

Humans are dangerous. The Galactic Alliance knows this. Having seen human transmissions, both of fantasy and fact, they know that humans are indomitable, hazardous, and insane. But

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Challenge #01882-E058: Flakk it

An Experiment

Challenge #01881-E057: As a Bird

Back to... normal?

Challenge #01880-E056: Truly Heavenly?

I've got this.

Inertia

Challenge #01879-E055: You Have Been Randomly Selected

Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

::Deep breath:: Fuck.

Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Ugh.

Challenge #01876-E052: When You Put it That Way

Adventure?

Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...