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Myths Illogical

A 139-post collection

Challenge #01794-D333: An Argument Against Paradise

"So... so... from your grand cosmic point of view, my entire life, from the moment I was born till the day I die, is... is just a bit of idle entertainment? My very existence, in the eyes of the gods... is just a... a bad joke?!"

"Well... actually - though I must note that's a terribly selfish and negative way to phrase things; it makes us all look quite callous and nasty, a rather rude thing on your part, you know - when you describe it that way... you're not exactly wrong in saying so." -- Anon Guest

I could only think of all the shitty things that had happened to me in my life. The horrible things people had done to me that could have plausibly had a laugh track along with it. The awful mishaps that would be played with a 'wah-wah-wah' trumpet. "Was I funny?" I asked.

The deity was still waffling, "I mean, there's different kinds of entertainment, you know. Edutainment, for instance. I can learn so much from-- Pardon?"

"Was I funny," it was not a question any more. It was an accusation. If I was going to Hell for challenging my God, I might as well go down fighting all the way. "Were you laughing? Was I your joke? Was I even a good one?"

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Challenge #01792-D331: No Werewolves on the Moon

... here’s a question: If werewolves become... wolves... under the full moon, what would happen if you put one ON the moon? (Assuming compatible life support) -- TheDragonsFlame

Welcome to Tsiolkovski crater. No lycanthropes need apply. The second sentence had been added by a graffiti artist of no repute and was faded in the unrelenting sunlight. Lupe bunny-hopped past it on the way to the colony.

If this was what passed for jokes in this space-town...

She found the nearest airlock easily

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Challenge #01791-D330: Reserved Seating

Exorcist/Psychic: “Oh spirit that dwells in this place, why have you not moved on?” … He says that he wants you to keep him updated on [TV show] since he died before it ended.” -- TheDragonsFlame

It was a nice little house. Cosy without being cramped. Light and airy without being exposed and drafty. It was, in essence, the last place anyone would expect to be haunted. And yet it was.

The living room was always rearranged on Tuesday nights, with the

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Challenge #01771-D310: Helper Dragon

This post: https://blue-shadow-fire-dragon.tumblr.com/post/139867120326/elfoftheforest-but-imagine-if-we-had-tiny -- TheDragonsFlame

Eldarol Vale, the sign read. Here there be dragons. And it was amusing since Elderol Vale was the Pet Dragon capital of the world. The best breeders came from Elderol Vale. The best breeds came from there. The most sincere and severe show judges grew up there, and knew what was good for the animals. In smaller print, the sign boasted, Zero rapes since the Year of the Eternally Staring Owl

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Challenge #01758-D297: Old Tricks, New Places

Employment Agency for Supernatural Beings and Creatures. -- Anon Guest

The Fae Folk don't get to steal as many babies as they used to. Their usual shenanigans are now written off as the souls of dead humans. And that's just insulting. The worst they can do is already being done, and to humans, by humans. They have lived for centuries. Millenia. And they have yet to see depravity like human depravity. Humans can't be scared of them, any more. What they are

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Challenge #01731-D270: They Call it Dragoncote

Why do dragons hoard wealth and guard it so jealously? Because for dragons, much like for kings, money is power.

With kings, such a phrase lies more in the metaphor of capitalism, but for dragons it is taken much more literally - the greater the amount of gold and jewels and other treasures a dragon can amass and claim as their own, the more magically potent and physically larger they become, and likewise the less riches they possess, the smaller and weaker

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Challenge #01701-D240: Chosen by Disorder

"When chaos bears fruit, you eat first and think about the stomach ache later." -- RecklessPrudence

It was the only tree that grew sideways. Its leaves were purple. Its fruit was a shade of pink never seen in nature. But this... was not natural. This was a tree that grew in the Realm of Disorder. It stood still in the wind and waved when it was calm. And whenever it rained[1], it danced.

The Lord of Disorder held a Fruit Party

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Challenge #01685-D224: Alarming Reflection

Traditionally, vampires could not see their reflection because mirrors were silver-backed. With the invention of aluminum-backed mirrors, a vampire sees their reflection for the first time only to find out... they are the ugliest thing they have ever seen. -- Anon Guest

For centuries, Vampires avoided mirrors. Silvered mirrors would not show them, and the ones backed in gold harmed them. Some would have mirrors made that were backed with brass or bronze... but by and large, Vampires avoided mirrors.

Pierce Opal

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Challenge #01659-D198: Kind and Dangerous Stranger

Never annoy a sleeping dragon, for you are fat and crunchy, and taste good with BBQ sauce! -- Fliss

At first, she thought it was a lava flow. One of those ones where the lava ran under a relatively whole, cooler skin. It was warm enough to be one. Then she noticed the way it flexed rhythmically, and realised that, in fact, this was a sleeping dragon. Fire was their element and this black-scaled beauty was no different. Their skin luminesced as

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Challenge #01657-D196: Spiteful Ascension

Depression Tips: Kill the gods and eat their flesh to rise above human chemicals into horrifying immortality

...Sounds more feasible than “just think positive!” -- RecklessPrudence

People around Lase would later swear that they all heard it when she snapped. A lifetime of hearing people say, "Just think positive," will do that to you.

"You know what?" she said. "I'm going to summon an Elder God, kill it, and drink its blood so I can rise above the need for mortal chemicals.

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Challenge #01651-D190: Ill-Met By Neon

The city sleeps, if the city is large enough to support night workers, cops, nurses, cleaning staff and cab drivers, somewhere there is a place open with hot coffee, hot food, a place to sit and grab a meal or snack before heading home to sleep. -- Knitnan

Towns can sleep. Villages definitely slumber. Cities? Cities never close. There's always somewhere going. Some light that is on and someone who is using that illumination for something. Not always something nice, because the

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Challenge #01650-D189: Not the Usual Madness

And so tired of the Mad God's priestess falling for Hero du Jour and grabbing the priceless treasure and buggering off to live with Hero type. So! what if your Mad God was just annoyed that "Nobody Listens to Me!" - random thoughts on popular Barbarian fiction. -- Knitnan

The temple of Sargax the Mad God was silent. Eerily silent. The walls were furnished in sculpted felt and the floor was made out of cork. Nidrus the Mighty could not still the

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Challenge #01649-D188: What a God Wants

I was destined to be the priestess of a mad God. What they didn't tell me was that instead of slaughtering people I'd be making Him a nice cup of tea and telling him it would be all right. -- Knitnan

I'd always wondered why the High Holies of the Mad God Zhyruq selected the kind and sympathetic to be their acolytes. Every year, they chose amongst their number the trainee they found to be the kindest, most generous, and most sympathetic.

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Challenge #01643-D182: High-level Negotiations

Do you ever get the feeling that (God/the Gods) (has/have) a plan? And you're the only one who can stop it? -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the forces of the multiverse, none is more terrifying than a being with the Gods on their side. They are unstoppable, indomitable, and irrevocable. And of all the beings in the multiverse, none are more pitiable than the ones the Gods merely use as a tool.

And when one comes against the other...

Shayde faced

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Challenge #01629-D168: Unfortunate For Some

Hell, as they say is other people. Especially when you are a school bus driver. -- Knitnan

The chant had started from the back of the bus. "We wanna, we wanna, we wanna wee! If you do not stop for us/ we'll do it on the bus![1]" The otherwise well-behaved kid in the front seat was singing X-1 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. The crowd of kids sharing music were singing both off key and out of sync. The people

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