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Magical Mayhem

A 26-post collection

Challenge #01765-D304: A Lesson in There

Her awareness, for what was but a span of seconds at most to the outside world, now went beyond the borders of space and time. In those moments, gazing at once upon all the possible outcomes of the human race, she came to the realization of mankind's lethal flaw:

Not violence or hate as one might expect, but the deeper instigators behind those - Envy, Pride, and, surprisingly, Impatience.

As advanced and progressive as the human mind was on an individual or even large-group level, when judged using a collective aggregate of its behavior as a species, it was essentially barely competent enough to handle simple tools or calculations. Why say this? Because most of humanity was incapable of completion of even mildly difficult tasks without repeatedly experiencing annoyed frustration or even irrational anger at what would be later recognized as nothing more than a simple error, minor delay, or temporary hindrance.

These recurrent vexations over the inability to progress as fast as they wanted, the resentment of those individuals who were able to progress faster than the rest, and the arrogance and sense of superiority that said individuals' pride too easily degraded into, was what lead to unhappiness and eventual demise of the human race... -- Anon Guest

It was too much truth. Too much. Aleka put the Cup of Knowledge down and tried to steady her breathing. (Sucking in air and filtering the oxygen molecules into smaller and smaller tunnels, until the pill-like haemoglobin in her blood could take them in, and keep her cells alive for another breath...) Tried to keep herself steady. (A temporary imbalance caused by a sensory overload, overwhelming both her inner ear and her gross motor control...)

"Well?" said Trovar. "Could you see it? Did you see how the world ends?"

Explaining all of it would take too much time. She had to make this quick, before it faded away. (The human mind can only comprehend so much at a time, and this vast influx of knowledge was already fading. She would only be able to cling to a very few facts.) "The little hiccoughs are the biggest cliffs," she said. "Impediment leads to anger. Anger leads to destruction."

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Challenge #01741-D280: When Next You Stop

High Magics: Fuck you and fuck the piece of reality you were standing on -- RecklessPrudence

Ever after, even in the depths of his self-exile, he would remember the first time that the elf used his name. He'd been travelling with the show for months, and knew everyone. And everyone knew him. Except the elf. It was difficult to tell whether they were male or female and they deliberately exploited that to unnerve people.

They were between towns, camping temporarily along the

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Challenge #01735-D274: Necessary Advancements

Magic is the science you don't know yet. The science you already know is engineering. -- RecklessPrudence

The nature of magic is one of constant debate. Any sufficiently advanced technology can be indistinguishable from magic. Any sufficiently analysed magic can be treated like science. But, overall, anything that can not fit into the rules of science can be called magic.

Conjuring is always a good one. Making things, even temporarily, from thin air defies the laws of thermodynamics. Levitation defies the laws

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Challenge #01721-D260: Been Bingeing Adventure Zone

[When someone is being encouraged to compromise their morals]

They've already put a lot of effort into the "not killing people" plan, they'd like to see it through to the end. -- RecklessPrudence

It certainly looked like the end for our heroes. Surrounded on every side by hostile forces. Outmanned. Outnumbered. If there were guns, they'd have been outgunned. But in this case, they were all out of spell slots and clever tricks. All they had left was their weapons and their

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Challenge #01707-D246: And Hardships Unnumbered

(On doing something (in the original a work of magic) usually considered extremely difficult, if not impossible, that the speaker mastered to the point it was near-trivial under [Name], but hasn't done for years)

(said fondly)

[Name] will reform from the ash of her own pyre and skin me if I fuck this up. -- RecklessPrudence

After the disaster that flattened the Forests of Ee, death covered the land like a blanket. The waters soured, and any living thing that entered the

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Challenge #01706-D245: Pass on the Wild Ride

Pookas. Referencing "Harvey" the original and the best. Shadye and a Pooka -- Anon Guest

The foothills of the headlands. Headed into Enchanted Grounds. Civilisation tried to stay away from places like this. The walls between the worlds grew thin, and all kinds of eldritch beings emerged, with their eyes set on the hearts and minds of man.

They don't mind snacking on eyeballs, lungs, and intestines, either.

The captured demon, who could see things that mere mortals could not, squinted at

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Challenge #01701-D240: Chosen by Disorder

"When chaos bears fruit, you eat first and think about the stomach ache later." -- RecklessPrudence

It was the only tree that grew sideways. Its leaves were purple. Its fruit was a shade of pink never seen in nature. But this... was not natural. This was a tree that grew in the Realm of Disorder. It stood still in the wind and waved when it was calm. And whenever it rained[1], it danced.

The Lord of Disorder held a Fruit Party

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Challenge #01687-D226: The City of Ghosts

"The priests and holy-men, they claim those things out there are the restless ghosts of dead gods."

"And what do you think?"

"I'm not so sure they're ghosts." -- Anon Guest

They called this land the Dead Plains. The grasses grew high, but trees would not. Neither deer nor cow would voluntarily graze on the grasses, here. Even horses, an animal universally recognised as rather dim, would not walk into the preternatural flatness of the Dead Plains. And worse, it was fresh

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Challenge #01681-D220: Worth of a Rat

[Asked to apprentice under a powerful, but poor, magic-user - their response]

[Mage]: Hm... Okay, but I can only pay you in unimaginable power.

[Prospective Apprentice]: That works. -- RecklessPrudence

The child was outside her tower again. Humming. Not any particular tune, no, just an aimless grind of voice that was like a slow-turning belt sander against the soul. It was persistently annoying enough for her to disrupt her experiments and take the journey down to ground level.

"Didn't I tell you

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Challenge #01662-D201: The Motivation Game

“Please do not destroy the irreplaceable magical artefacts, no matter how annoying they are,” -- RecklessPrudence

The Orb of Vexation chortled at Verski. With a sigh of regret, Verski put it back onto its cushion and re-sealed the Gate of Infinity. Finally, he turned to his tutor and said, "But why?"

"Aw, da diddle baba gonna cry," said the Orb of Vexation. "Waaaah, waaah."

Maester Kalrix conjured Cone of Silence over the Orb. "No matter how trying they are, these are important

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Challenge #01656-D195: Amazing How it Works

[Name]'s job description is less Indiana Jones and more "disarming multi-millennia old nuclear weapons without an instruction manual". - of an action archaeologist in a fantasy realm -- RecklessPrudence

Elbi was classed as a Rogue. Technically. It was her job to detect and disarm millenia-old deathtraps so that the rest of her team could safely document and investigate archaeological curiosities. And what never ceased to amaze was the fact that, despite eons of neglect, every single one of these traps was

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Challenge #01644-D183: The Hero's Third Hand

"Hah! And what can you possibly do? We have already defeated the Destined Hero!"

"Not Destined, but gonna be a Hero anyway!" -- RecklessPrudence

The thief arrived in the Evil Sorcerer's tower two minutes too late. Just in time to watch the Hero Foretold breathe his last. Just in time to hear the Evil Sorcerer laugh malevolently at the sight of the unforetold corpse. There were no tears. There was no sorrow. Just a quickly-rising rage.

"The hero foretold to bring my

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Challenge #01642-D181: Reformation

(To a powerful Mage who, since the moment a cataclysmic war ended, has been attempting reforms of the - dangerous to the very fabric of the universe - way magic is taught and thought about, from some soldiers who were standing guard outside the Council chambers)

[Soldier]:"[Mage]," said one. "What the fuck?"

[Mage]: "I don't have to start another war," they said. "This is a good thing. I can go be happy somewhere else if it bothers you."

[Soldier]: "Uh," said

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Challenge #01641-D180: According to Prophecy

"It wasn't because of betrayal that I sent you away. It was a matter of insurance. You needed to survive, in case this happened." -- RecklessPrudence

"Mother," said the Rogue Princess, "I'm with the Rebellion. I'm here with the army foretold to end your reign."

"I know," sighed Queen Maliss. "It was foretold. It was also foretold that we would die together if I kept you close to my heart. I know you despise me. And the things I had to do.

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Challenge #01628-D167: Honey Trap

When stepping into a Gods domain, enter as the supplicant or as something greater than a God. Never as a conqueror, Gods take a deep and personal delight in casting down challenges to their authority. -- RecklessPrudence

We apologise for the inconvenience, said the words in her head. We must quarantine you from reality as you know it.

After ten years of bouncing from reality to reality, the being who called herself Shayde had to wonder what these superior powers were up

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