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Humans Are Space Orcs

A 89-post collection

Challenge #01780-D319: Comfort Totem

Teddy bears are well- and widely-loved children’s toys… despite the fact that they’re modeled after 600lb/272kg beasts that could easily kill you if they so chose to. Seems reasonable. -- TheDragonsFlame

Somewhere on the Edge Territories, before Humanity was reclassified as merely insane...

"And that artefact?" said the Saurian trader, gesturing at the thing under the mammal's arm.

"Not for sale," said the creature. "That's -uh- a comfort item. It's called a 'teddy bear'. It's mine and I'm keeping it. Heck, it's been mine since..." the Human bared their lower teeth and sucked in air. "Flakk. Since I was little."

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Challenge #01776-D315: But They Look So Cute...

“I’ll be honest... sometimes, it’s easy to forget that humans are/were predators…” -- TheDragonsFlame

Humans are pack creatures. They're friendly. They'll share their pack-bonding with anyone. They'll share their pack-bonding with inanimate objects. They'll share food, entertainment, beverages... They're generally an outgoing species. Gentle and kind to those they count as their friends. Considerate to Havenworlders of all species.

It's easy to forget that they are deathworlders. It's easy to forget that they are deadly. Like the apocryphal tiger

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Challenge #01775-D314: Haptic Feedback

Aliens vs human ticklishness -- TheDragonsFlame

The ships' human was out of sorts. Grumpy. Tetchy. Upset. They had gone close-mouthed and reticent, and it was Gorthax's job to keep the human happy. He had read what the Edge Territories knew about humans, three times over. And attempted every comfort. Except this one.

Humans thrived on companionable touch. But humans also had eroding acids in their perspiration. Which was a problem because a human could wither and die under the influence of Touch

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Challenge #01773-D312: Rocks Fall!

Human: “Ok, how bad is it? Just lay it on me, I can take it…”

Numid: [extent of injury]

H: “Oh, that’s it? I thought it was something serious.”

N: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘THAT’S IT!?!’ -- TheDragonsFlame

Carrie came around to nervous Numidid chirping. Huh. People really did panic in their home tongue. With consciousness came an intense amount of pain. She moaned.

"[There is one alive!]" The Numidids hooted. In broken English, "You with anyone?"

Carrie concentrated on

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Challenge #01766-D305: The Dog in the Fight

So in the Human are the Space Orcs, it looks like we are on a level 3.5-4 Deathworld. This makes us fairly B.A.. However there are references to creatures from level six Deathworlds. What happens when they meet? Do humans feel threatened by them, are humans just the perfect mix of craziness and inability to die that the level six deathworlders are just scaredy cats, do they replace the humans, or have humans finally found an alien species they can

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Challenge #01764-D303: The Human Enigma

An energy type weapon is designed to subdue the target without killing it : the wounds are small but painful, the beam cauterizes the wound and it's fairly quiet. It's a civilised weapon.

A powder propelled type weapon is designed to kill the target and scare its opponent : the wound can be huge, it bleed a lot, the sound is horrifying. It's a human weapon. -- Anon Guest

The argument against humanity joining Galactic Society went like this: Have you seen their weaponry

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Challenge #01763-D302: Cleanup Needed

Never enter an unknown atmosphere without airtight suit. Especially if you are boarding a ship where all the crew and passengers are in airtight suits, one human got a license in chemistry and access to bleach and ammonia. -- Anon Guest

The ships' human was merely there for the alleged good luck that they could potentially produce. It was lucky to have a human on board, and Human George's official role was janitor. Which meant that he had automatic access to the

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Challenge #01762-D301: Grave Error

"We destroyed the protective forces of this colony : this human colony is ours!"

[few days later]

"We lost 1/4th of our soldiers in ambush in the city and in the wood, half of our soldiers are sick because the food and water stock are poisoned AND all of our communication devices got destroyed..." -- Anon Guest

Everyone agreed. It was a very nice planet.

The Cho'vith wanted it enough to bomb a few extant settlements and encourage whatever lived there that

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Challenge #01760-D299: Walking Wounded

“‘‘Tis but a flesh wound!”

“It’s really... not...” -- TheDragonsFlame

This human had been through a great amount of trouble to get there. They had multiples of disturbing injuries. Bruises. Cuts. Scrapes, even some breaks in their seemingly unbreakable bones. The last of these, the human had splinted with available material. The twin orifii in the middle of their face was leaking blood. The evident scabbing indicated that this had been going on for some time.

And, most disturbing to the

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Challenge #01759-D298: Hazardous Associations

An unknowing (group of) alien(s) tries to take a human as a pet, thinking ‘It’s small and cool-looking.’ Problem is, Humans are to them as velociraptors are to humans. -- TheDragonsFlame

It was quadrupedal and had no bowel control. It had to be an animal. That was the reasoning that lead to Heatstone becoming a pet in the first place. Cho'nish frequently bragged to her friends that Heatstone was a rescue pet. They had hir in simply terrible conditions. And

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Challenge #01747-D286: Stop Me if You've Heard This One

"Okay, this might be scary so if you need some time to prepare-"

"Jokes on you I'm terrified a hundred percent of the time anyway!" -- OohLookShiny

A Havenworlder and a Deathworlder walk into a bar...

So very many jokes start this way, including the off-colour one that also included cogniphagia. But this time, it was reality. The Havenworlder was in their livesuit and tucked under the arm of the deathworlder. A big, burly, brick of a human.

The worst kind.


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Challenge #01742-D281: Certain Signs of Doom

When a human is running scared, drop everything and run away with them. -- Anon Guest

Humans get many jobs, all across the outskirts of the Galactic Alliance. In the Fringe Territories, laws are enforced based entirely on how useful they are to follow. As civilisation creeps in, the humans creep out before they become the tolerated exception. That's the thing about fringes and frontiers. There's always more of them.

Here on the edge, overlooking a large and ancient Sargasso, is Bodgy

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Challenge #01739-D278: A Lesson For All

(At an AI's sudden assimilation of a tech base and IMMEDIATE commencement of combinatorial synthesis): Fuckin' bullshit, man.

(In response): Hey if they're going to leave tech specs out where the sufficiently advanced AI can get a hold of them, it's their own fault. -- RecklessPrudence

They called the AI Amoeba, for her abilities, but she preferred Amy. It was her job as part of the combat process to take over enemy facilities and seize all intel and hardware. She liked her

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Challenge #01728-D267: 'Tis But a Scratch

"So, you're telling me that even if a human tried to kill himself by stabbing his head, he could be perfectly fine if the blade goes between the hemispheres of the brain without damaging anything ?"

"Yup, and I didn't talk about Phineas Gage, who got a large iron rod through the head and survived without some part of his brain, or the war veteran who survived a bullet through the heart. Even if we don't have exoskeleton, we are pretty resilient. This

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Challenge #01717-D256: Show of Faith

"Shhhhh." [Name] put a finger to both of their lips. "Let's just enjoy this. Things are going to be awful in a few hours, but right now I've tricked myself into thinking we can handle this. Let me bask in it." -- RecklessPrudence

The human had a mantra for everything that was going wrong. Human Steve was multitasking. Gathering and patching and applying gum and ductape as fast as their two hands could manage. The mantra was four words, "I can handle

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