Help support this artist!

Humans Are Space Orcs

A 54-post collection

Challenge #01598-D137: That's One Bad Week

[Bad news]

[Worse news]

[Extremely horrible news]

[ohmygodwhatthefuck news]

One of the people who have to deal with it all, to the rest of same: ...well people, I'd say it's about time to drink ourselves into the mother of all stupors. It's been that kind of week. -- RecklessPrudence

First, the Gravity Drive failed. They still had internal gravity, but the virtual black hole in front of the bow that towed them along at CTL speeds[1] was no longer operational. The shipboard Nae'hyn were doing all they could, but the engine was old to begin with and this kind of flaw was equivalent to having a stroke.

Which wasn't a real problem. Not initially. They could burn some rockets to push them along and send out a non-urgent distress call. And they had enough shipboard supplies to last until they reached the nearest station. And then the rockets failed to ignite.

Now the only way they could get to where they were going was by judicious and careful venting of shipboard gasses, and rationing was initialised in the hopes that the ship's gardens could grow things fast enough that there would be food to ration when the rations ran out.

Continue Reading

Prompts remaining: 11 Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!

Challenge #01589-D128: Hazardous Playthings

Yo Yo See what you can do with this prompt. it would have been just yo yo but they wanted a longer sentence. -- Anon Guest

There is a uniquely human term, 'toy'. Though the concept of play is nothing new to many species in the Galactic Alliance, the Terran concept of things designed for play alone is strange to many. The fact that many of these objects used to be used as weapons just goes to show that Deathworlders are creatures

Read more »

Challenge #01573-D112: The Aptly-named Terra

Correct dress varies from full formal to the Northern Territory Australian version 'wear a singlet And thongs (flip flops). -- Knitnan

Welcome to the Terran Solar system. All Havenworlder species are advised to engage in tourism inside a livesuit, and with a bodyguard if your Havenworld is of Class 3 or above. For those species who can endure a Class 4.5 Deathworld, acceptable dress ranges from "full head-to-toe covering if female" to "we don't care, just cover your naughty bits". A

Read more »

Challenge #01570-D109: The Fall of the Hespruss

After two repetitions of a standard hazard announcement ("Warning: Shields Critical", or "Cabin Pressure Dropping", or "Warning: Heat Levels Critical", something like that) - something dangerous in meaning but pronounced in a calming voice and almost mundane, the ship says this:

Warning: Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here. -- RecklessPrudence

Alarms and klaxons filled the air with their noise. If it wasn't beeping or flashing, it was already broken. The computer struggled to keep up with the warnings.

"Warning: Lateral stabilisers

Read more »

Challenge #01569-D108: Just Like Home

Australian States and Territories named by the British: Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria, Tasmania (formerly Van Diemen's Land).

Australian States and Territories named by the newly-fledged Australians: Northern Territory, South Australia, Western Australia, Australian Capital Territory.

See a pattern? -- RecklessPrudence

The populace of New Australia spread out into their assorted wide, brown lands. In typical colonial innovation and enginuity, they named the continents after their old states and territories. New Queensland, Novo South Wales, New Victoria, and so forth. New Australia

Read more »

Challenge #01567-D106: Improbably Driven

[Person #1]: And you think this will work?

[Person #2]: We have the highest expectations of success.

[Person #1]: Highest expectations?

[Person #2]: Reasonable certainty.

[Person #1]: Reasonable certainty?

[Person #2]: Mild confidence.

[Person #1]: Mild confidence?

[Person #2]: We are drawing lots from a bowl of angry scorpions while ice skating downhill.

[Person #3]: YEAH! WHO'S WITH ME BABY? -- RecklessPrudence

Many a life-threatening adventure has both started and ended with the words, "The human has a plan." Many more have

Read more »

Challenge #01556-D095: Intellectual Pollution

(Follow-on from the tramp freighter pilot finding Earth)

What really excited the scientific and engineering community was the 'build-your-own' educational manuals from [Space SCA] - centuries out of date tech for the pilot's society, but theory backgrounds and detailed instructions on how to build everything for a number of tech levels with tools from a number of tech levels, some of which we can build the tools to build the tools for. -- RecklessPrudence

Galrax had left it behind by mistake, in

Read more »

Challenge #01550-D089: Inspired Desperation

This is dumb, like dosing Tasmanian Devils with meth and then stuffing them down your pants dumb. -- RecklessPrudence

"So let me get this straight," said B'tiz. Who clearly thought that ze was in error. "You are building a catapult to literally throw yourself at the enemy ship, where you will somehow infiltrate and then suborn one of their vessels, rescue me, and leave them stranded on this micro-planet."

"Trebuchet, but yes. That's the gist of it. Trebuchet's are easier to make.

Read more »

Challenge #01540-D079: What Do You Mean, 'Mostly Harmless'?

Before we made contact, humans were considered a myth, the Galactic Governments greatest hoax. No one species could possibly be THAT insane.

It's very stressful for the rest of the Galaxy when they discover humans are indeed real, and just as insane as they'd heard. -- Anon Guest

Everyone in the Galactic Alliance knew the stories that spacers told of humans. Near misses. Close encounters. Abductions. Scouts told stories of dead worlds where relics of these peculiar, hairless, bipedal mammals had once

Read more »

Challenge #01525-D064: A Powerful Talisman

Call it what you will, Linus, Blankie, Comfort Rug. A square or rectangle of worked fibre, knitted, crocheted out of bits of yarn something soft and warm to hang on to in times of stress. -- Knitnan

"Honestly, Farraq, this is the slowest evacuation in the known universe."

"Sorry, boss," the human had something colourful bundled under one arm. "Can't leave anywhere without my Snoog."

P'treth boggled at the human merc as they writhed their way through an airlock made for a

Read more »

Challenge #01523-D062: A Grievous Mistake

Matters have left "pear-shaped" and have escalated to the eldritch topographies of a taco warped through a tesseract. -- RecklessPrudence

"I regret to inform Her Majestrix that matters have gone... er... pear-shaped."

The seneschal glared down hir nose at Brekkis. " Adjudant Brekkis... Matters have left "pear-shaped" and have escalated to the eldritch topographies of a taco warped through a tesseract. Matters are so beyond "pear-shaped" that we've had to hire human mercenaries, Brekkis. And further... the human mercenaries have captured some of

Read more »

Challenge #01522-D061: With a Knack for Mimicry

http://marlynnofmany.tumblr.com/post/156605690661

Aliens that do not understand how well humans can mimic some noises. -- Gallifreya

When headed into uncharted, or barely charted territory, when facing danger, it is best to have at least one human aboard your ship. Yes, they are frightening deathworlders, but they also understand this and endeavour to be less frightening so they can pack-bond with you. They are also, and the K'veth are discovering, prone to annoying pranks.

Bob could impersonate any noise

Read more »

Challenge #01519-D058: Watch What You Say

[Person #1]: (after describing the expedition) Won't be any fighting or danger, just research

[Person #2]: (who's seen this shit before) Yes, it will be totally safe. Nothing can go wrong. At least it won't be raining.

[Person #2]: You could just as well held up a sign that says "Fuck Murphy" on it, and expect less trouble. -- RecklessPrudence

"It's an exploratory mission into uninhabited territory. The entire system is incapable of hosting life. What could go wrong?"

"O Powers... you

Read more »

Challenge #01518-D057: Hazards of Companionship

...well... thank you... I was suffering from a shortage of waking up screaming, this should help for the next month. -- RecklessPrudence

Humans are the most advantageous crewmembers to have. Especially in what they insist on calling 'crunch time'. They will walk, or run, into danger and saunter back out again with barely a scratch. They are fiercely protective of any being they view as part of their pack, insanely profitable to have in a ship's crew, and invariably adaptable.

They're also

Read more »

Challenge #01512-D051: Fascinating...

For the "Humans are space orcs": Aliens can only focus on one thing at a time. They're far more efficient because they hyperfocus and complete any task in a far shorter amount of time. So humans penchant of talking/humming/listening to music while working is both distracting and baffling. -- Anon Guest

Half the crew were watching the ship's human in their segregated kitchen. Terran music blared at maximum allowed volume, and the human sang slightly louder. Inside the quarantine zone,

Read more »