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Humans Are Space Orcs

A 69-post collection

Challenge #01693-D232: The Most Dangerous Opponent

"You can’t hold a grudge forever"

“I’m not ‘holding a grudge’, I’m making decisions based on past evidence.” -- RecklessPrudence

"The humans are going to destroy all your careful plans," said the old general. "These are members of a species that coined the phrase, 'no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy'. You could try to learn from that."

The war council turned to stare and General Gerax. He was the last one to famously lose to the humans and he'd never let anyone forget it.

"General. Though we appreciate your input, it's clearly stained by your past dishonour. You cannot hold a grudge forever."

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Challenge #01692-D231: Items of Mass Destruction

It was hard not to admire a four-year-old who could disassemble a hygiene unit into so many pieces it took three engineers most of a duty shift to put it back together. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the destructive items that humanity has in its collective repertoire, the two that cause the most amazement and confoundment are: the average pants pocket, and their own young. Left unsupervised, they can cause more chaos, destruction, and all-out-entropy than the tools actively designed to do so.

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Challenge #01691-D230: Dangerous Lifeforms

[Name] wondered if considering that statement to be a fine example of famous last words made them unduly paranoid or just conscious of historical precedent. -- RecklessPrudence

There are numerous, common, famous last words. "I think it's going to be all right," is in the top ten. Likewise, "Hold my beer, I've got this," or, "Hey, watch this!" But of the all-time destined-to-be-last-words, Grax thought that, "Awright, silleh bugurz..." had to be a record-holder for the first prize.

Especially when it came

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Challenge #01690-D229: Problems of Scale

"Lets poke it and see what it does?" famous last words or an eureka moment. -- Anon Guest

There is nothing so large and so terrifying that a human won't try to poke it. - Galactic Proverb.

Of all the terrors of the universe, black holes have to be the one that holds a universal horror. Nobody with any sense wants to be anywhere near a black hole. So, of course, humanity figured out how to get a station in a LaGrange

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Challenge #01669-D208: Favourite Flavour

 Auto Condimenter. -- Knitnan

The habits of humans fascinated Zyrik. It was why she went into food services, so she could study them in an environment where she would be invisible. She made Time off her anthropology as well as bussing tables, but anthropology was her chief area of fascination.

This latest example was a freight trucker fresh off their rig, sitting down to a big plate of deep fried potato prisms. The plate was already loaded with the house gravy, but

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Challenge #01666-D205: High Risk Employment

Beware the old ones in a profession where one dies young -- RecklessPrudence

Fast reflexes, an almost preternatural awareness of one's surroundings, instincts like a knife blade. These are the things that make a good asteroid runner. Being able to get in, snag the asteroid, and get out without causing orbital upsets in one's wake is a skill that one only has to get wrong once for a life and a career to be over.

It's a job for the young and

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Challenge #01660-D199: Explosive Egress

[Scientist #1]: Where'd you get plastic explosives?

[Scientist #2]: Made it.

[#1]: It'll work?

[#2]: See, you don't worry if explosives work. You worry if they'll work too much. -- RecklessPrudence

V'tez considered their options. The downside of this situation was that they were trapped by a meteor impact and all methods of communication were cut off. There was only so much air, even in their livesuits. The odds of the ERT's finding them in time were remote.

And V'tez was working

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Challenge #01655-D194: Expensive Reactions

On the topic of "Humans are Insane," I present: Every chemist who has ever willingly worked with something that ended up in the "Things I Won't Work With" guy's articles. Please note, many of said chemists were attempting to come up with new, better, rocket fuel, so it was designed to be highly explosive from the get-go.

(can't embed the link for some reason, gets flagged as spam) -- RecklessPrudence

Humans are recognised as patently unkillable across the Galactic Alliance. But even

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Challenge #01647-D186: Bad Eggs in One Basket

[On the idea of putting two Deathworlders in the one cage you have that you think can hold them]

Yeah, I mean, it's like storing all your plutonium cores in the same spot. Can't hurt right? They'll all be contained in a reinforced area anyways... -- RecklessPrudence

It was the perfect prison. Re-enforced cerametal[1] with smooth, vertical sides. The only way in or out was through a hole in the ceiling. Which was well out of the human's reach.

The human,

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Challenge #01627-D166: Desperate Invention

“The reasons that would not work are outnumbered only by the reasons it would be a disaster if it did.” -- RecklessPrudence

The ship's human took a moment to stare at Thorassik. "You and I have very different definitions of 'disaster'..."

"Yes! There is significant loss of profit in all scenarios, but if we die, the company loses the least."

"Well," sighed Human Steff. "I'm not about to lay my life down for the company."

"You are not a model employee," chided

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Challenge #01616-D155: But What is it For?

Soft Teddy bears given to people in stress, usually children who are hurt or rescued. The thing about Teddy Bears is they don't judge you, they are just soft, and smiling and invite a shared hug. -- Knitnan

Pulled from a lifepod. Still in shock. Bright lights and confusing noises and too much. Far too much. Way too much to deal with at once. People in frightening suits all getting into her face. She didn't know anyone. Didn't know where she was

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Challenge #01612-D151: Our "Hero"

"So the only defences are [Cosmic Chew Toy] and the automated ones."

"...which means, the only defences are the automated stuff." -- RecklessPrudence

The ship's human was a Lucker. Unfortunately for him, all that luck was bad. Unfortunately for everyone around him, he had the deplorable tendency to blame everyone and everything else around him except himself. Edger Arnold never got officially tested for the Luck Gene, and said it was against his religion to do so. Nevertheless, all the signs were

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Challenge #01611-D150: Two Birds


"You know, I learned a long time ago that if you say that in any matter relating to [Person], if you even get an answer it will probably lead to more questions." -- RecklessPrudence

They used to say, "if a problem's big enough, the Glunk will take care of it" on Amalgam Station. As a hostile biohazard, it was unique in the known universe. For a start, it was the only known biohazard in civilisation that counted as its own district.

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Challenge #01609-D148: We're So Much Better Now

There are pieces of Historical Machinery, there are Collections of Musical instruments and some lucky souls get to care for them, keep them running and in the case of stringed instruments take them out and play them so they sound right. -- Anon Guest

They say the Archivaas collect everything and never throw anything away. This is very close to the truth. Most Archivaas know the impossibility of saving a physical version of everything and keep digital plans, instructions, or copies. The

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Challenge #01604-D143: They Grow So Fast

How about one where Aliens are stunned at the absurd growth rate/ regenerative properties that humans seem to have. Either for something as small as fingernails or hair needing constant maintenance, to 'how did that child grow a full METER in the ten years I was absent?!' -- Anon Guest

Human Steff had reproduced. Live birthing was trauma enough for most of the crew, but the idea that humans could be small and fragile was overwhelming. These mammals had to be

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