Humans Are Space Orcs

A 60-post collection

Challenge #01627-D166: Desperate Invention

“The reasons that would not work are outnumbered only by the reasons it would be a disaster if it did.” -- RecklessPrudence

The ship's human took a moment to stare at Thorassik. "You and I have very different definitions of 'disaster'..."

"Yes! There is significant loss of profit in all scenarios, but if we die, the company loses the least."

"Well," sighed Human Steff. "I'm not about to lay my life down for the company."

"You are not a model employee," chided Thorassik.

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Challenge #01616-D155: But What is it For?

Soft Teddy bears given to people in stress, usually children who are hurt or rescued. The thing about Teddy Bears is they don't judge you, they are just soft, and smiling and invite a shared hug. -- Knitnan

Pulled from a lifepod. Still in shock. Bright lights and confusing noises and too much. Far too much. Way too much to deal with at once. People in frightening suits all getting into her face. She didn't know anyone. Didn't know where she was

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Challenge #01612-D151: Our "Hero"

"So the only defences are [Cosmic Chew Toy] and the automated ones."

"...which means, the only defences are the automated stuff." -- RecklessPrudence

The ship's human was a Lucker. Unfortunately for him, all that luck was bad. Unfortunately for everyone around him, he had the deplorable tendency to blame everyone and everything else around him except himself. Edger Arnold never got officially tested for the Luck Gene, and said it was against his religion to do so. Nevertheless, all the signs were

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Challenge #01611-D150: Two Birds

"HOW?"

"You know, I learned a long time ago that if you say that in any matter relating to [Person], if you even get an answer it will probably lead to more questions." -- RecklessPrudence

They used to say, "if a problem's big enough, the Glunk will take care of it" on Amalgam Station. As a hostile biohazard, it was unique in the known universe. For a start, it was the only known biohazard in civilisation that counted as its own district.

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Challenge #01609-D148: We're So Much Better Now

There are pieces of Historical Machinery, there are Collections of Musical instruments and some lucky souls get to care for them, keep them running and in the case of stringed instruments take them out and play them so they sound right. -- Anon Guest

They say the Archivaas collect everything and never throw anything away. This is very close to the truth. Most Archivaas know the impossibility of saving a physical version of everything and keep digital plans, instructions, or copies. The

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Challenge #01604-D143: They Grow So Fast

How about one where Aliens are stunned at the absurd growth rate/ regenerative properties that humans seem to have. Either for something as small as fingernails or hair needing constant maintenance, to 'how did that child grow a full METER in the ten years I was absent?!' -- Anon Guest

Human Steff had reproduced. Live birthing was trauma enough for most of the crew, but the idea that humans could be small and fragile was overwhelming. These mammals had to be

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Challenge #01598-D137: That's One Bad Week

[Bad news]

[Worse news]

[Extremely horrible news]

[ohmygodwhatthefuck news]

One of the people who have to deal with it all, to the rest of same: ...well people, I'd say it's about time to drink ourselves into the mother of all stupors. It's been that kind of week. -- RecklessPrudence

First, the Gravity Drive failed. They still had internal gravity, but the virtual black hole in front of the bow that towed them along at CTL speeds[1] was no longer operational. The

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Challenge #01589-D128: Hazardous Playthings

Yo Yo See what you can do with this prompt. it would have been just yo yo but they wanted a longer sentence. -- Anon Guest

There is a uniquely human term, 'toy'. Though the concept of play is nothing new to many species in the Galactic Alliance, the Terran concept of things designed for play alone is strange to many. The fact that many of these objects used to be used as weapons just goes to show that Deathworlders are creatures

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Challenge #01573-D112: The Aptly-named Terra

Correct dress varies from full formal to the Northern Territory Australian version 'wear a singlet And thongs (flip flops). -- Knitnan

Welcome to the Terran Solar system. All Havenworlder species are advised to engage in tourism inside a livesuit, and with a bodyguard if your Havenworld is of Class 3 or above. For those species who can endure a Class 4.5 Deathworld, acceptable dress ranges from "full head-to-toe covering if female" to "we don't care, just cover your naughty bits". A

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Challenge #01570-D109: The Fall of the Hespruss

After two repetitions of a standard hazard announcement ("Warning: Shields Critical", or "Cabin Pressure Dropping", or "Warning: Heat Levels Critical", something like that) - something dangerous in meaning but pronounced in a calming voice and almost mundane, the ship says this:

Warning: Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here. -- RecklessPrudence

Alarms and klaxons filled the air with their noise. If it wasn't beeping or flashing, it was already broken. The computer struggled to keep up with the warnings.

"Warning: Lateral stabilisers

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Challenge #01569-D108: Just Like Home

Australian States and Territories named by the British: Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria, Tasmania (formerly Van Diemen's Land).

Australian States and Territories named by the newly-fledged Australians: Northern Territory, South Australia, Western Australia, Australian Capital Territory.

See a pattern? -- RecklessPrudence

The populace of New Australia spread out into their assorted wide, brown lands. In typical colonial innovation and enginuity, they named the continents after their old states and territories. New Queensland, Novo South Wales, New Victoria, and so forth. New Australia

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Challenge #01567-D106: Improbably Driven

[Person #1]: And you think this will work?

[Person #2]: We have the highest expectations of success.

[Person #1]: Highest expectations?

[Person #2]: Reasonable certainty.

[Person #1]: Reasonable certainty?

[Person #2]: Mild confidence.

[Person #1]: Mild confidence?

[Person #2]: We are drawing lots from a bowl of angry scorpions while ice skating downhill.

[Person #3]: YEAH! WHO'S WITH ME BABY? -- RecklessPrudence

Many a life-threatening adventure has both started and ended with the words, "The human has a plan." Many more have

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Challenge #01556-D095: Intellectual Pollution

(Follow-on from the tramp freighter pilot finding Earth)

What really excited the scientific and engineering community was the 'build-your-own' educational manuals from [Space SCA] - centuries out of date tech for the pilot's society, but theory backgrounds and detailed instructions on how to build everything for a number of tech levels with tools from a number of tech levels, some of which we can build the tools to build the tools for. -- RecklessPrudence

Galrax had left it behind by mistake, in

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Challenge #01550-D089: Inspired Desperation

This is dumb, like dosing Tasmanian Devils with meth and then stuffing them down your pants dumb. -- RecklessPrudence

"So let me get this straight," said B'tiz. Who clearly thought that ze was in error. "You are building a catapult to literally throw yourself at the enemy ship, where you will somehow infiltrate and then suborn one of their vessels, rescue me, and leave them stranded on this micro-planet."

"Trebuchet, but yes. That's the gist of it. Trebuchet's are easier to make.

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Challenge #01540-D079: What Do You Mean, 'Mostly Harmless'?

Before we made contact, humans were considered a myth, the Galactic Governments greatest hoax. No one species could possibly be THAT insane.

It's very stressful for the rest of the Galaxy when they discover humans are indeed real, and just as insane as they'd heard. -- Anon Guest

Everyone in the Galactic Alliance knew the stories that spacers told of humans. Near misses. Close encounters. Abductions. Scouts told stories of dead worlds where relics of these peculiar, hairless, bipedal mammals had once

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