“I don’t curse people, I bless everyone around them.”
The court murmured.
“It’s stated that you cursed Goodie Carswater and her garden wilted.”
“I did no such thing. And it’s a well-known fact that her little tearaways widdle on her wisterias.”
More murmuring. Apparently the only person who didn’t know this was Goodie Carswater. Who also believed that her sons could do no wrong.
“It’s also stated that you cursed Thou-shalt-not-covet Jones so that no woman would want him.”
“Covetousness Jones is of the very vocal opinion that women should be grateful for his mere presence,” said Aunty Risik, witch on trial. “He also thinks that any woman he takes to the altar should permanently wear a scold’s bridle and a chain that stretches from the bedroom to the kitchen and no further. Covetousness Jones is his own curse, thank you.”
All of the unwed ladies of the village harumphed and nodded in unison.
“‘Tis the witches’ curse,” roared Covetousness Jones. “None of these worthless cows will even look at me!”
Judge Farnsbury glared down his nose at Covetousness Jones. “Perhaps you should wait until you find a woman worth more than a cow before you lay such accusations?”
The man wisely closed his mouth and sat on his hands for the rest of the trial. Though he did turn increasingly red as he scowled at his shoes.
“And the pox visited upon Purity Vesseca?”
“Is cow pox. I was hired by her father to insure her against smallpox, so I did. I purposely gave the child cow pox. An endeavour for which Master Vesseca still owes me two pigs and a cockerel for.”
Murmur murmur murmur murmur…
“You… blessed… a child with cow pox?”
Aunty Risik nodded sharply. “Thems as catch cow pox never catches smallpox. Well-known fact. ‘S why poets is always mooning over milkmaids.”
“And… what other… blessings… have you performed?”
“I blessed your wife with an easier birth,” she began. “It’s why you still have a daughter and a wife. Old Master Gripley? I bless his pains away on a daily basis. Goodie Crowsie’d be getting a pig long about now if Master Vesseca paid his bills… I see to it she gets a pig every year. Her children sure don’t look after her, so I does it.”
Bit by bit, person by person, Aunty Risik revealed that she did a hundred little things to make life easier, all over the village and into its outskirts. Even Hermit Georg, who lived in a cave and was a lot peculiar in his eating habits, got a little blessing care of Aunty Risik.
“But,” complained Judge Farnsbury, “none of this is magic…”
“I remember you tellin’ me your little Chastity were a miracle,” said Aunty Risik. “And Goodie Crowsie’s downright religious about getting that pig. It’s them’s that don’t get blessings who wither in comparison.”
It was the first and last witch trial where the witch was pardoned by mass gratitude.
After that, they were certain to go after people who weren’t witches.
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