An instructor greets his new students in the class known as "Know Your Human" A class meant to prepare various individuals for the maddeningly wonderful work known as being a human's companion.
It is well known that humans are insane, dangerous, and violent. And yet, they are also the most gentle, kind, thoughtful, and soothing species in the galaxy. You will find they are wild, yet tame, they are beyond stupid, yet terrifyingly brilliant, they brought their furry headaches known as cats, yet those animals turned out to be so valuable there's not a single station without one. They're as terrifying as a very large, very hungry, Oshit, as destructive as an exploding star, and yet they are the least terrifying and most creative species yet discovered.
For those studying humans, all of these facts are 100% true. There is not a single lie anywhere to be found. But, my students, don't be fooled. This species, and this course, will test the limits of your endurance both physically and psychologically. However, in the end, after your training here, you will be able to better work with, and handle, the humans you are assigned as your companions. And, you will find, it will be the most rewarding, and the most heartbreaking, career you've ever had. -- DaniAndShali
Humans are a contradiction. They can be, as they have said themselves, the smartest dumbasses in the universe. They can be the kindest, most protective aggressors known to intelligent life. They can also be the biggest, meanest bunch of softies to ever walk and talk at the same time. They can be both needlessly cruel and illogically compassionate depending entirely on the circumstances around them. They could be both the strongest and the weakest of all known cogniscents at the same time.
It was hard to remember any of that when meeting an actual Human for the first time. They were not much taller than Companion Thele, certainly not very much bulkier, even with their livesuit on. They looked... weird... but then all different lifeforms looked weird until one got used to them.
"You're new at this, aren't you?" said the Human. They had a remarkable grasp of GalStand for a barbarian just introduced to Galactic society. The instructor had said they were remarkable mimics, but this... This was another of their contradictions.