InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12649 posts

Some questions should remain unspoken.

“I can’t believe you just said that. I am so glad they ended the call before they heard you.”

“What? It was a perfectly valid question.”

“I don’t care, it’s downright rude! And kind of disgusting.”

“But now you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“…yes, damn you.  Next time you wonder something like ‘How do conjoined twins decide whose hand wipes their shared ass when they poop?’, keep it to yourself!”

“Aww, but I had so many other questions about them…” – Josh

(#00318)

What people don’t know about the Insulter Pin is that there are several levels.

A plain, mirrored fan means that the wearer is frequently unintentionally insulting and doesn’t always understand when they give offense, or why it is offensive.

A mirrored fan with a black trim means that the wearer will, on occasion, be deliberately insulting. Often in retaliation for an emotional injury. This is rarely done with forethought, and if there is any, there is generally a warning involved.

A mirrored fan with black-and-yellow striped trim means that the wearer is frequently deliberately insulting, but no-one can tell when they mean it or not.

Shayde has graduated through all three.

They’re working on the codification of the fourth level.

[Muse food remaining: 6 (fic war prompts: 0) Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00317: Common Band

Different cultures, different vocal physiologies, and different mechanisms of hearing certainly make for interesting music nights.

Of all the past human phenomena that proved endlessly fascinating, the one that Rael could not turn away from was ‘channel surfing’. Every time either one of them found themselves at the other’s residence, Rael always let Shayde have the entertainment remote.

Not because she had good taste, but because what she did fascinated him.

Even the humans used to limited entertainments

Read more »

Challenge #00316: Sing-along

Humans burst into song spontaneously all the time, usually started just by one humming and becoming a little quartet or a vocalist and backing choir very suddenly.

Add in various aliens, and the somewhat macabre lyrics for the beginning of Bohemian Rhapsody

The humans called him Captain Ted. It was the closest they could get to Tyd'r'kaad and, compared to the many other things they said and did, it was only mildly annoying.

He was the first galactic captain to have

Read more »

socialjusticewankers: a man types his facebook status. “Women who participate in No Shave November will have to participate in No D...

socialjusticewankers:

a man types his facebook status.

“Women who participate in No Shave November will have to participate in No D December!”

fast forward days later. men everywhere get up to go to the bathroom. they pull down their pants, look down, and scream.

their penises have all vanished.

it is December 1. 

No D December has begun.

Read more »

Challenge #00315: Downhill From There

A Tragic Mispronunciation and its results

“This is all your fault!”

“Me? It was him that didnae recharge his teletubby.”

“Assistant.”

“Whatever.” Shayde struggled upright. "And he said he wanted a bubble-bath of oranges…“

"A meal at Unsuitable Food..”

“I was bein’ amenable.”

“You do not take Ambassador Maliik’s common nouns at face value!”

“Well I wasnae given the Cliff Notes!

Read more »

I'm not sure if I told you this already, but even if I did, it bears repeating: you were one of the first people who proved to me that...

You are now my favourite person. I got this message just as I’ve hit “the hump” in my writing.

The Hump, for those not in the know, is the point in which writing the story gets hard. It looks like it’s too far to reach the end and you, the writer, start wondering if it’s really worth finishing it at all.

Of course, I sort of have to. People reading book 1 are doing

Read more »

Police: Sex abuse arrests in Canada began with probe of company

Police: Sex abuse arrests in Canada began with probe of company

Take note, NZ. This is how you do it. You do NOT let child pornographers run loose because of who their dads are.

Read more »

Challenge #00314: Ekkritism

(Someone had a mispronunciation accident, this was the result)

Wolverine: Oranges

“Just a warning, Ambassador Maliik suffers from Ekkritism,” Rael murmured into Shayde’s ear.

“Aye? And what’s that when it’s at home?”

Translation: I know you’re trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what it means.

“He unfortunately mispronounces all names as common nouns with seemingly no relation to the original name.”

“Oh, this

Read more »

bbz: Because of Haiyan's very recent devastation, please consider contributing to first-respondents efforts: If you're looking for someone...

bbz:

Because of Haiyan’s very recent devastation, please consider contributing to first-respondents efforts:

If you’re looking for someone missing in the Philippines, or if you have information about someone there, Google.org has launched the Typhoon Yolanda Person Finder. A Google crisis map has also been added to detail evacuation centers and areas designated for relief.

Charities and nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) from around the world are responding to this disaster. Many are detailed below with how they’re providing aid

Read more »