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Fucking Anxiety

A 53-post collection

Monday, Backup Reads and Big Move PLNs

I skipped my stretchies this morning, I haven't tortured my feet. The most I've done for self care is taking my coffee and pills.

I've been having A Day since yesterday afternoon. There's a long Tumblr post about it, but long story short...

I need hand-holding for certain tech things, but Beloved left off giving me instructions so now all progress is halted until she gets back to me.

...which is just now happening. After I've had a breakdown about it.

Her phone died -_- She might have a problem with her battery.

And now I'm having problems with file migration because Windoze has decided to not keep stuff I had stored for some reason?

I'm continuing to have A Day.

Thursday, Today's the Day!

I got the operation date wrong. Beloved is now under anesthesia. I have now finished the 400th chapter of A Devil's Tale [and I think I've written a happy ending but that's up to Beloved].

And I am NOW going to write a nice letter for the first potential agent on my list.

That's just been done.

My heart is hammering.

I have four to six weeks to wait before pitching again, and I'm using the same spreadsheet to track pitching.

As

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Wednesday, Blog Entry and Anxiety

Beloved is likely under anaesthesia as I write these very words. Experienced surgeons are doing a job they have done thousands of times, belike. Today, I fill out the last thing on my pre-pitch checklist.

Which means that tomorrow, I start writing emails. And pitching.

...tomorrow, I'm likely to have finished chapter four HUNDRED of that brief little thing I started in 2022.

I think today's Weird Writer Wednesday is going to be all about my ideal progress towards fame and fortune.

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Thursday, Dreading...

Valentine's Day is looming and I am still trying to save for tyres [at $450 per decent tyre, I need a minimum of $700 to be safer on the roads. I almost have $130 saved and the panic is starting to sink in] and I really want to get something nice for Beloved and Adorable, but...

Staying alive is a huge fiscal drain right now. Staying on top of everything is a juggling act and... eeps.

I feel guilty about needing tyres.

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Saturday, Parkrun, Anxiety, and One More Week

I got the wibbly wobblies because looming undefined terror that will likely reveal itself in the fullness of time after it's passed.

Fun times.

I got dental looming. We have financial nonsense looming. I need to make a start on the 2K summary of Beauties... so I can edit it down and then work on the blurbs and THEN... start summarising another firkin book.

And I have a long day looming tomorrow. Starting at 3AM.

...and sore GD wrists already.

My current

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Friday, ANXIETY... and usual business

I am making a Phone Call today [Dramatic sting]. To book myself and the spawn in for the Rona Vax. Gotta make sure they all have water to drink before the jabs, too. On the day, of course.

I also have the usual Bikkie, Catio, Offerings, Recordings situation to deal with. And maybe even Rainbow Socials tonight.

I am currently procrastinating on the phone call.

Deep breaths.

I got this.

Just... make the appointment, mention that Mayhem can't have the Pfizer because

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Friday, Foods and Funtimes

I am temporarily done with recording chapters of A Devil's Tale. So I began recording chapters of Adapting just for the heck of it.

First lesson: Shorter chapters are WAY easier to read. Yay.

Second lesson: If I want to do a professional version, I'm going to need a LOT of editing alongside the more professional setup.

I also need to price and source some things in order to have a professional setup. I have an idea for a foldable sound-baffling screen

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Sunday, Smouldering Holiday

I got that odd pre-burnout depression mixed with Asthma Brand no-air panic attack going on, so I'm going to line up the treat food and spend the rest of the day in bed and watching garbage.

I have all the post-medication signs that I should have done a nebuliser dose sooner. Including:

  • Pins and needles in the extremities
  • Tinnitus
  • Dizzy spells that are more like the entire grimoire
  • General wibbly wobblyness that means I should probably steady myself on stable objects for
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Tuesday, Great Upset

Beloved took a tumble off her scooter, last night. After much waiting and worrying, the semi-diagnosis is in:

One broken arm and three fractures in her jaw. We're still waiting for Experts(tm) to tell us whether or not she needs surgery for that.

It's going to be a long time in recuperation for my poor lovely, but she will survive this.

Now she, too, will feel the weather in her face. Not an experience I would recommend to be honest.

At

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Friday, Firkin Asthma

It's another Bad Air Day made worse by an anxiety attack. Fortunately for me, my Beloved helped me get some Ashwagandha before the rest of my astonishing shenanigans today.

It's after midday and I'm only now just getting down to posting the daily tale.

I'm going to at least try to summarise a chapter and tag a week before I go slobbing off to mess about for my own enjoyment.

Chapter count: Currently working on Chapter 258 of A Devil's Tale

I

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Saturday, Change of PLNs

My Beloved was going to whisk me away for fun times and shopping and so on. BUT MeMum needs fuel for her mower, so offski I poddle on that mission. We might even get to clear the air on some issues between us.

[I didn't want to do that alone but... circumstances are beyond my control]

With luck and good fortune and a LOT of patience -most likely on my part- we might get back to amiable circumstances.

Sigh.

Onwards to story,

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Friday, Disaster

Remember Beloved's crook tum? Turns out she's been throwing up what looks like blood for three days.

FUN.

We tried calling 13SICK, no medics available. Tried booking at the local quack - two appointments immediately, and the plague protocols meant we'd have to ring in. By which time the two remaining appointments would be GONE.

...hi ho hi ho, off to the hospital we had to go...

The hospital is currently under rennos. So first we had to locate the dang carpark.

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Wednesday, Day 0, Wordpress

Plague news:

  • 9 546 new cases
  • 76 417 total active cases
  • 928 hospitalisations
  • 51 in the ICU
  • 11 more deaths
  • 9 408 total cases in First Nations people

...at least some numbers are going down.

Vax news:

  • 322 467 national doses
  • 52 218 Qld doses
  • 9 497 ACT doses
  • 99 440 NSW doses
  • 2 574 NT doses [did they hear me? o_O]
  • 22 671 SA doses
  • 6 900 Tas doses
  • 87 779 Vic doses
  • 41 388 WA doses

Thanks to Clive

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Sunday, Day 0, Stream 'n' Sleep

Plague news: Thirteen new cases, all local transmission. One hundred and forty-four total cases [that's a gross for the numerically uninitiated], seventy are in hospital and one's in the ICU.

Plague brain's got me taking writing lightly and that's okay. Most of my energy is going towards worrying about the firkin deadly disease going around everywhere and WHY are people STILL being dickheads about firkin basic safety precautions?

Sigh.

If Covid was a firkin serial killer you can bet everyone would be

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Thursday, Day 0, ...fuck!

Plague news: TWENTY new cases. One local, nineteen imports. I breathe a little easier knowing these numbers. All the same. Yikes time.

There are Aussie expats so desperate to get back on these sunny shores that they are considering becoming boat people. Have fun in out Dang Foreigner Concentration Camps Detention Facilities, folks.

I have the usual array of words to write and stuff, but I have been lagging behind when it comes to tagging the fics in the app. So. Today,

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