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Challenge #00321: Cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes!

Nobody was entirely sure whether to curse the humans or begin worshipping them for introducing the cupcake to the galactic community. 

The human capacity for invention - alongside their notorious insanity, of course - knows no bounds. Therefore it should have been no surprise that both extended to their food.

Bread is universal. Leavening is not. Cake is known, and has saved some species from extinction. Fruitcake - a human seasonal delicacy - has saved civilizations.

And don’t get anyone started about popsicles.

And then, there’s the creation that can be traced back to a salvage company working in the vicinity of Argo…

*

There was a tower in the centre, in place of the much-anticipated cake. It was festooned with brightly-coloured objects.

Ch'chiva examined it as much as she dared. It was pretty, but human party food was also decorative and some, she had noted, were edible works of art.

Ah, just in time. The human chef emerged. He of the unpronounceable name and the endless smirk. There was a very large bowl of some caramel-corn creation in his hands. The crew loved it, of course.

“I was looking forward to cake,” Ch'chiva tried not to sound reprimanding.

“Those are cakes.”

“Even the round things on the sticks?”

“Yes. Cake-pops. Human food-on-a-stick.” Victor set down the caramel corn -there were peanuts in it! Ch'chiva almost squealed in delight- and plucked out an array of them. “There was no consensus on flavour, this time, so all the -ah- small cakes are colour coded for convenience. Chocolate, strawberry, banana and vanilla.” He pointed out each in turn.

“Many desire chocolate, but it is not a healthy food,” Ch'chiva noted. “Smaller doses would mean less time in sickbay.”

“Only for some,” smirked Victor. He put the cake pops back in their display.

“Is there a name for the larger small cakes?”

“Yes. We call them ‘cupcakes’.”

“It is a very small cup.”

“Beverage containers were smaller when the term was coined." 

"Cup. Cakes,” Ch'chiva toured around the table. “A single serving with none of the dissection. This is excellent food for semi-hostile negotiation.”

The concept spread like wildfire. Not only did the very human concept of food-on-a-stick expand even further, but the cupcake became dessert du jour for all ambassadorial meals. Any meal where knives weren’t possible became ideal ambassadorial fare. Especially in the presence of other ambassadors.

But then there were the heated debates about who got the last chocolate one.

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Challenge #00320: Homo S. Cuisine

Considering how many toxic things humans ate, it was a little surprising that their cooking was not only edible, but delicious.

“YE-HE-HEEESSSSS! It’s here!”

The nervous Passeri crew gathered at a safe distance to watch the Ship Human - somewhere between lucky mascot and terrifying on-board entertainment - cackle and sing to herself.

They had been told that female humans were far more trainable than the males. That they were, on the whole, quieter and less dangerous than

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Challenge #00319: In Memorium

Found on a gravestone, “Name, date-date, (Killed 99 bears) We pray he has found rest”

We pray he found rest. We’re not sure, but we hope so, because nobody ever found a body, and 99 may not have been enough.

(replace bears with appropriate sentient or nonsentient species at your discretion, especially in the case of early-contact humans :P)

If any being needed any further proof of human insanity - besides ten minutes’ contact with any number

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Some questions should remain unspoken.

“I can’t believe you just said that. I am so glad they ended the call before they heard you.”

“What? It was a perfectly valid question.”

“I don’t care, it’s downright rude! And kind of disgusting.”

“But now you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“…yes, damn you.  Next time you wonder something like ‘How do conjoined twins decide whose hand wipes

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Challenge #00317: Common Band

Different cultures, different vocal physiologies, and different mechanisms of hearing certainly make for interesting music nights.

Of all the past human phenomena that proved endlessly fascinating, the one that Rael could not turn away from was ‘channel surfing’. Every time either one of them found themselves at the other’s residence, Rael always let Shayde have the entertainment remote.

Not because she had good taste, but because what she did fascinated him.

Even the humans used to limited entertainments

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Challenge #00316: Sing-along

Humans burst into song spontaneously all the time, usually started just by one humming and becoming a little quartet or a vocalist and backing choir very suddenly.

Add in various aliens, and the somewhat macabre lyrics for the beginning of Bohemian Rhapsody

The humans called him Captain Ted. It was the closest they could get to Tyd'r'kaad and, compared to the many other things they said and did, it was only mildly annoying.

He was the first galactic captain to have

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Challenge #00315: Downhill From There

A Tragic Mispronunciation and its results

“This is all your fault!”

“Me? It was him that didnae recharge his teletubby.”

“Assistant.”

“Whatever.” Shayde struggled upright. "And he said he wanted a bubble-bath of oranges…“

"A meal at Unsuitable Food..”

“I was bein’ amenable.”

“You do not take Ambassador Maliik’s common nouns at face value!”

“Well I wasnae given the Cliff Notes!

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Challenge #00314: Ekkritism

(Someone had a mispronunciation accident, this was the result)

Wolverine: Oranges

“Just a warning, Ambassador Maliik suffers from Ekkritism,” Rael murmured into Shayde’s ear.

“Aye? And what’s that when it’s at home?”

Translation: I know you’re trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what it means.

“He unfortunately mispronounces all names as common nouns with seemingly no relation to the original name.”

“Oh, this

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One good turn deserves another - a good samaritan winds up with superpowers as a result.

One good turn deserves another - a wai

[AN: O noes! Looks like an accidental premature submission. I shall do what I can with what there is…]

(#00311)

It took her two hours to reach the accident site. By then, most of the fires were out, and most of the people who had survived the crash had perished.

Nothing to be done about that. The authorities were days away. Things rarely fell from the sky, and when they did, they never

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One other Clarke's Third Law thing.

So, there’s Clarke’s Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Then there’s what I first ran across attributed (in a Uni textbook, no less!) as Murphy’s reformulation of Clarke’s law: Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.

Then there’s what is in the textbook as a Programmers’ restatement of Murphy’s reformulation of Clarke: Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from a rigged demonstration.

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Challenge #00309: The Body Language Gap

(Well, you mentioned prior experience in that last snippet, so…)

T'reka and hugs.

(also if the story you mentioned being sparked from that gets written, I totally want in on your beta reading list and will probably buy it multiple times)

[AN: After I finish writing the Hevun’s Child series I will be working on The Amity Incident. 120K word goal. But before that, I think I deserve a week’s rest, don’t you?]

There was

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Also on a gravestone.

It is said that life is a comedy to those who think,
And a tragedy to those who feel.  I never could figure out
Which it was for me.  May you have better luck. – RecklessPrudence

(#00308)

T-shirts had made a comeback, though many cogniscents who had taken them up had not grasped some of the basic concepts. Like, they had to feature something witty, controversial, or downright offensive.

Some, Rael noted, had gone for profound.

Shayde, sporting one that read, Life

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Seen on a gravestone.

Adhuc Vivo!
(It’s Latin, look it up)


Yes, the parentheses were on the gravestone too. – RecklessPrudence

(#00307)

[AN: For those too lazy to do as the parentheses suggest, it translates out to “Thus far, alive.” which is a very ironic thing to stick on a gravestone]

It was a long trip home, and lead naturally to introspection.

“Plant a tree and think of me,” Rael recited. “Did you choose that epitaph?”

“I

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Extinction is such a cheery thought, isn't it?

The last Homo Sapiens Sapiens lay dying. Who hears their final words? Who are our species’ successors?

Go as uplifting or as dark as you wish. – RecklessPrudence

(#00305)

The machines were very good at keeping him alive. They had done so for almost two hundred years.

And it wasn’t fair that a majority of them were spent in a bed, watching other innovations and marvelous things happen in the world. Watching the new definition of humanity do marvelous

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The first AI gains sentience.

Luckily, the researchers were actually _aware_ of the past century-plus of musing on the subject, and didn’t react like paranoid idiots.


Whether the creation of the AI was intentional or not, I leave up to you. – RecklessPrudence

(#00304)

Gravity generators needed a Cargo Cult to make them go. Each machine was the same, up until the final pass, where the Cargo Cult took over and the machine was ‘birthed’.

The cult called itself the Nae'hyn, and was

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