Amalgam Universe

A Gyiik discovers the food Elvis ate.

Vic reached hungrily for the cellulose sheet.

“Ut,” said the Archivaas Tiel, drawing it back to her body. “Payment first. I know how you Gyiiks get with new recipes. I learned after the first time.”

“My apologies,” Vic the Gyiik began to lay out her money. “Two Months plus hazard pay… and a voucher card for two Years’ worth of free meals at Unsuitable Food Eat.”

Someone in the neighbouring booth whistled backwards. This was high-stakes stuff.

Archivaas Tiel slid over the single sheet.

Vic read in awe[1]. “A quarter cup of creamy peanut butter… that’s… milled peanuts, super-fine. Mm-hm. Eight slices of home-style white bread. Have to make that ourselves, no commission kitchen will do that any more… Mmmm… Two large bananas… yes… Eight… slices of bacon and two tablespoons… butter.” Vic read the method. “Sandwiches… then fried in the butter…” She looked up. “This man ate this as a snack?”

“Apparently.”

“Was he possessed by Kürmaan, the spirit of Famine?”

“No. He was just a big eater.”

“And he did not perish from a rupture of the stomach?”

“Drug abuse.”

Vic boggled. “Truly… humans are a dangerous species.”

[1] Recipe courtesy of Mr Food.

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Pic prompt!

[Picture shows a tree that has grown around some war debris. The most prominent piece resembles a stick insect.]

It was another ghost world. Cheryl hated ghost worlds. There was always a chance, a slim and gut-wrenching chance, that there were survivors, somewhere far away from the relics of past civilisation. Bombed back to the stone age. Or further.

Nomadic gatherer-hunters were hard to find with orbital scanners.

There weren’t many buildings standing, any more. Forests had come

Tossing Cows: The act of thoroughly derailing a train of thought, deliberately or not.

Yubsid was meant to be clerking. It was relatively mindless copy-work. Input this data into those fields. Nothing much in the way of brain power, just check that the right data was in the right place and mark the last entry so she didn’t get confused.

When she took a miniature health break to stretch herself or ensure that her digits got all their requisite exercise,

They had never expected to be able to describe someone speaking as booming hesitantly, but that’s exactly what it sounded like.

The Ambassador for Gargantua was large, even for large cogniscents. He could easily intimidate a terran bear. He was all muscle and looked like he could conquer the universe.

And he was about to make his introductory speech.

“Er…” he boomed. “My name… is… Um. Grigri. Yes. Uh. I… was… an asteroid

Humans may be rendered almost catatonic by careful scritches in the correct place - under the cranial hair, behind the ears and along the spine.

Important note: Although this technique can turn almost any human docile, 70% of the time it also makes it harder to escape, as ceasing the technique can lead to your human grabbing one of your limbs, even when partially asleep. As a human’s grip is nigh unbreakable even at rest, it is advised you use this

“I like women who are old enough to have had a little experience, and still young enough to want a little more.”

“Seriously?” said Shayde. “That’s what yer goin’ with today?”

“Oops. I thought you were older. It’s the hair. Not that there’s anything wrong with your hair. Ah crap. If I try to eat my foot, would it get less uncomfortable?”

“Ah, na. Keep diggin&

Earth is one of a very few planets with a moon large and close enough to cause full eclipses. This will change as it gradually moves further away, but until then it’d probably be something people travel to see.

The ship full of tourists was directly under the moon shadow, of course. In a few minutes, it would be, once again, able to view the spectacle.

Lots of habitable planets had moons, of course. Some had sister planets to share their

“For some reason, whenever there is any number of humans in an open enough space, with enough raw materials, something will be set on fire. And something will inevitably be produced to cook over said fire, or at least hold over it on a stick and gently smoulder if there’s nothing edible available.”

The human was handy to have around. Deathworlders thought nothing of going into places that -for example- Brookessiin like Riik were loath to tread.

This one

Bear in mind this is a language where the word for “mess about with a small object and see if it does something” also means “play the violin”

“We have three different kinds of ‘moose’ and two are spelled the same,” argued Vic.

“Things went to crap when we switched to the phonetic alphabet. The entire context-necessary spelling convention has lead to unnecessary over-explanation.”

“I don’t like all the pronouns,” grumbled Jake.

The difference between a goose and a swan: A goose will chase at the drop of a hat and proceed to peck and bruise if it gets you. A swan will only attack if threatened, but can break bones.

“That’s ridiculous,” said a student in the middle of Allegedly Quiet Reading Time.

“Do you need assistance?” asked Mr Myss, Learning Advocate.

“This is an objectionable description of avians,” protested Yokk. “It assumes the

The most ridiculously evolved trait of a human: The itchiness of newly healed skin.

“This area is almost finished repairing. I now have the unbearable urge to claw at it.”

The human in the next bay was rubbing at her bandages. She was rubbing with her knuckles and grimacing.

“Most people use talon for scratch,” said Pu'rii, edging a little further away from the human. Well. As far as she could get on a not-so-spacious hospital bed.

“

Pre-Amity, a human and other cogniscient get stuck in some relatively small space together, say a room that both find out the hard way only opens from the outside. Rescue is on its way, but until then…

They tell some pretty wild tales in Scavenger Bars. This is just one of them…

Hor'tik had been stripping wire. It had been a long trip already and it was that or mass credit. If he stayed out any longer, he’d have