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Comeuppance

A 1-post collection

Challenge #01245-C150: Angels Well Aware

Sleazy Televangelist of the "Give me your money! And God will Love you!" variety gets an angel. -- KnitNan

"...what does it mean when God sends an Angel? It means something momentous. It means that God himself has a mission for you. It means that the almighty architect of this glorious earth has selected you. Personally. To be His agent on this sorry world. And you'd better behave yourself because HE! IS! WATCHING!"

'Reverend' Tommy Thompson watched his broadcast. Making notes for his staff. Looking too red in the face, he wrote. I should look filled with the holy spirit, not 70000 chille peppers.

"Now we all know we get one guaranteed angel. The angel of death comes to all. But if we get more than that, we are blessed! And you can become like an angel for all those that our church is helping out. We have schools in Africa. We have missions in the Reservations. We are helping unwashed heathens all over the globe to come into the light of the Lord, and it ain't cheap. We need all the money you can spare. If you got a hundred left over, give us a hundred. You can be an angel to those poor, suffering folks... so when your angel comes, and your tallied up in the book of life, you can honestly say,"

The audience joined in, arms held high. "I WAS AN ANGEL ON EARTH!"

"And God loves all of his angels, big or small."

Tommy turned the screen off to type a solid diatribe about the lighting. They were picking up his perspirations and pit stains. That was never good. But he was derailed from his intended mission by another face reflected in the screen.

"It doesn't work like that," said a voice. Calm and neutral.

Tommy turned, ready to rain hellfire and damnation down on this invader. But something stopped his tongue.

The stranger was difficult to gauge. Neither definitively male nor female. Inscrutable. And something was slightly off about their face. There was something slightly off about their entire self. Their clothing was simple and uncomplicated. A kaftan and loose trousers underneath. Simple sandals. All natural and all unadorned by any kind of fancy work.

He finally settled on, "How did you get in?"

"Be not afraid," said the invader. "You have been chosen to deliver a new word. Or should I say, The word."

"I don't need to fear you, I always have a gun," said Tommy. "Who are you, what do you want, and how did you get past my security?"

"I'm your extra angel, Thomas Jericho Thompson." And then... it unfolded. There were lots of wings, and not a lot of them had feathers. Lots of eyes, from the entire gamut of eyes available. And heads. The bull's head had insect eyes. The human's had goat eyes. The sheep's had dog eyes. And he was certain one pair was supposed to be on fire.

Of course he wet himself.

"It is far easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter heaven," said the Angel, "Do you know why that is, Thomas Jericho Thompson?"

"...please don't hurt me?"

"It is because the love of money is the root of all evil, Thomas Jericho Thompson." The voice from somewhere inside the miss-match of parts was still calm. Still measured. Still patient. "You have been chosen to deliver unto your followers the True Words. The real word of God."

"Anything," he whimpered. "Anything. I swear I'll do it. Just don't hurt me."

"Tell the truth. Give away all your possessions and all your money. Help those in need who are all around you. Encourage others to do the same."

Tommy gave up gibbering for a few consecutive minutes. "What? All of it?"

The Angel resumed its slightly-not-human guise. "All of it. Close your bank account. Withdraw the funds you have in Switzerland, Bermuda, and the Caymans. Sell your mansions. Sell your yachts. Sell your cars. Sell your Armani Suits. Sell your expensive shoes."

"My wife will kill me!"

"Your fifth wife," said the Angel. "You, who cry over the sanctity of marriage without following a single one of the Laws. You, who have refused to care for your children... you have many sins, Thomas Jericho Thompson. You must start redressing that or face the consequences."

"Why me?" he wailed. "There's so many men like me. Telling people what they want to believe about heaven and God..."

"They are, for the most part, beyond redemption. You, Thomas Jericho Thompson, actually keep your word to your flock. So it is time to begin telling them the True Word." Now, the creature smiled. Tommy would have nightmares about that smile for the rest of his life. "And I will be watching and guiding you on your journey."

"...oh jesus..." he whispered.

"Yes," said the Angel. "He sent me."

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