TEN firkin new cases, but only one of those is local so whack-a-doo, let's go to the coast YAAAAAAAYYYY... Eighty-two active cases, sixty-seven in hospital, one in the ICU; which leaves FOURTEEN of them to go out and create havoc if they come over with a massive case of the Knomira's.
Yeah nah I'm not going firkin anywhere these holidays and I shall be watching all of this inevitable mayhem unfold from my mountain fastness. Thank you for asking. Door price is half a billion unless you're a relative or close friend1.
Today is the day when most people who follow the more modern take on YHWH eat fish and hot cross buns and plan to look for hidden eggs with the littlies. Spring festivals are always a little bit weird in the Southern Hemisphere, where Autumn is gearing up to kick everyone's behind.
Imagine for five seconds if everyone south of the equator suddenly switched the festivals to match the seasons. That would mess EVERYONE up.
But enough of that nonsense. It's time for some global nonsense:
- More news about the most recent shooting massacre in the USA
- Celebrity kicked off Twitter for humiliating a powerful man
- 43 kids have been killed in the continuing Myanmar clusterfluff
- Murderer gets back in contact with his mistress after killing his family to be with her. Girl. RUN AWAY!
- 13 kids orphaned after parents perish of the plague
- Muppet's daughter-in-law attempts to curry the orange canker's favour by trying to go against Facebook and its policies
- Easter weather is going to SUCK
- Australia allegedly defenceless against China. Say that to our shy and retiring wildlife
- The truth is finally revealed! The Plague came from bats. It was bats the whole time
- Hawaiian Pizza Shapes bikkie is NOT an April Fool's prank
If you follow me on Tumblr, I will be reblogging some of my favourite japes until they wind down. Spirit of the season and all.
And now - fiction.
Note for the gullible or the slow of mind - this is of course a fabrication. If you actually give me half a billion and expect a mountain fastness, then more fool you. ↩