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Modern Fantasy

A 12-post collection

Challenge #01362-C267: Apocollapse Now

All the signs were there, amongst the storm and fire-streaked sky appeared The Four Horsemen, War, Pestilence, Famine, and Death stood ready, then one of them said, "Oh Shit! It's Them!" Enter the Other four horsepersons, those of the Apocollapse (hope I've spelt it right),and proceed to avert the Apocalypse, by infecting the big four. -- Knitnan

[AN: No you didn't, but I fixed it.]

You know the drill. Seas boiling and turning to blood. Fire in the sky. The Kraken awoken and being really ticked off because they haven't had their coffee...

And in the centre of the storm, rides the Big Four. We've known them since the dawn of time. Belief has given them shape. A certain author gave Death's white horse a name.

War cackled as the bombs and the bullets and the blood flew. Famine thrived on the cries of woe as Pestilence blighted the world's GMO crops. Sure, Pestilence had already been busy in the anti-vac community, but this was chaos on a global scale.

And Death... well... Death was getting RSI from all that scythe swinging.

And just as it looked like the Earth could be painted by Hieronymus Bosch... there came the revving of four motorcycles.

OH SHIT, said Death. IT'S THEM.

The four horsepersons of the Apocollapse. Absentmindedness, Clumsiness, Mislaying, and Distraction.

Clumsiness crashed right into War because their brakes had been repaired by Mislaying, and a certain, vital part had been Just Put Down And Now It's Gone. Distraction did their Crazy Frog act around the other three. Absentmindedness asked Pestilence if they were sure this was the right place.

Of course this is the right place, argued Famine. It's the Apocalypse. It's global!

"What are we doing, again?" said Absentmindedness.

The Apocalypse! War roared.

"...whoops... uh... sorry about those nukes... were they important?" said Clumsiness.

Damnit!

"Has anyone seen my other glove?" said Mislaying. "I know I had it five minutes ago..."

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, muttered Death. He absently reached back as if to place his scythe away by Binky's saddle, but Distraction had lured the pale horse away with sugar-cubes and scritches, so the scythe spiralled away into the meelee below. He didn't notice, stalking forward to show Mislaying where the glove was. IT'S IN YOUR BLOODY HELMET, YOU INCOMPETENT--

"WHO'S A GOOOOD HORSIE? YOU'S A GOOOOOD HORSIE! ESSOO'IS! ESSOO'IS!"

Death looked back to Distraction. Then down into the tempest. FUCK.

Will You Stop Mucking Around With Death's Horse? demanded Famine. He Has A Job To Do You Know...

Wait, said Pestilence. Where did my crown go?

What was I just doing? pondered War. I know I was doing something...

"Oh, that happens to me all the time," said Absentmindedness. "I'd forget my own head if it wasn't screwed on."

I Heard Of A Phenomenon Where The Brain Resets When You Enter A New Room, said Famine. Maybe You Have A Version Of That, Only Worse.

Before long, all eight anthropomorphic personifications were kind of... hanging out and chatting in the dissipating storm clouds. Down below, the influence of the Apocalypse wore off, and the Apocollapse kind of hung around for a bit.

But, just for once, there was peace on Earth, and goodwill towards fellow humans.

(Muse food remaining: 11. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01349-C254: Ten Good Reasons Why You're Wrong

"Oh my god!"

"What?"

"You're a nineteen year old boy!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So stop puttering around with your knitting like a senile old woman!" -- OohLookShiny

Andrew took a deep breath in. Slowly let it out. "There are things you need to learn, mister complete stranger who decided to butt into my life. One: this is crochet. Two: I'm making blankets for homeless or abandoned kids in shelters. Three: this is an exercise to help me gain back some fine motor control

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Challenge #01347-C252: Could They Pick a Worse Team?

I am a ____ agent, I have a voice synthesiser in my throat. I can do any accent you can think of! Unfortunately I've lost the instructions at the moment... And my voice box is stuck on shop demonstration. -- Anon Guest

"Héllo, Madarm. I am hére to see your studént Camila Rodriguéz."

The school secretary looked at the badge, and the agent, and grew a very concerned look.

"Yés. I am a PINATA agént, I have a voice

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Challenge #01334-C239: So Unfair

School 'Pain in the Anatomy': "Well, he'll either wind up in Jail or grow up to be an Archbishop." -- Anon Guest

Life is unfair. Anyone trying to tell you different is either trying to sell you something, or is one of the people who actively make life unfair. Such are the lessons drilled into us at school. Not by the teachers, oh no. They're still trying to sell us all the ideal that hard work earns good rewards.

The lesson is

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Challenge #01331-C236: Epic Levels of Bullshit

I knew about this story, but I had never heard the reasoning behind having the 'roos in the simulation to begin with. Makes a lot more sense, now. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: The real funny part was that this story was used as an example of checking your GD code before release. I heard it in one of my BInfTech lectures. Australia just seems to be a nexus of firkin weird stories. See: The Emu War (spoilers, the Emus won)]

"...and then the

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Challenge #01308-C213: Modern Fable

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. -- RecklessPrudence

Sacrifice is noble. There is no doubt. Those who turn aside their wants for the needs of others are truly glorious. They have honour. They gain kharma points. And some gain respect.

Most, however, are expected to sacrifice more.

The fable is told of those who sacrifice everything. The Giving Tree is just one. There is another... the Perfect Mother.

She gave up her employment so she could give her children

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Challenge #01237-C142: Strange on a Train

http://simonbitdiddle.vaul-tec.net/post/143205168842 -- Gallifreya

Ah crap. Once again, the only seat on the train home was the Weirdo Seat. The ones where all the mentally disturbed just had to sit. And anyone unlucky enough to have to sit next to them had to endure their madness by osmosis.

Euphoria Jones weighed her options. It was a long-ass ride home. Her feet were already killing her from hours chasing after idiot customer requests. Including numerous trips into "the back"

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Challenge #01210-C115: The Daydreaming Ape

We've all done it, been handed a phone in a business office for the case handler, or we sit and wait, and wait, and wait in a government office while time passes like frozen molasses. Someone gets creative with this time, nothing that will get them 'escorted' off the premises. -- KnitNan

[AN: I hope I corrected this prompt accurately. If not, let me know and I'll fix it]

What many people don't know is... waiting rooms are an enormous social experiment.

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Challenge #01187-C092: Panning For Golden Moments

The patter of rain on the old stone walkways. The scent of wildflowers emerging in the nearby fields. The distant sounds of explosions from some student mispronouncing an incantation on the other side of the school.

It’s the little things that get you through the day. -- Anon Guest

Kel sighed. Damn her roommate for spiking her sleep potion with Abstract of Melancholia. There was no remedy but time, and staying off of sleep aids for a week.

It was going

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Challenge #01104-C007: Special Education

Person #1: Why don't I ever see you stopping by to talk to your niece?

Person #2: Her parent says I'm a bad influence. I still say C4 is an acceptable substitute for playdoh - the store was out! It's not like I gave her any detonators - it was perfectly safe! -- RecklessPrudence

Lots of kids had Best Relatives. And for Mary, her best relative was Aunty Phyllis. Aunty Phyllis had the catchphrase, "Some people just overreact about things." Usually in

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Challenge #01092-B360: Registering as Immortal

This one from "Going Postal" by Sir Terry Prachett. "were to be regretted"*

*Another bastard phrase that lends itself to any weasel in a tight corner. -- KnitNan

Certain phrases, when used in Administrivia and the unhallowed halls of bureaucracy, are heralds of impending doom. Some... are what the plebes are wont to call 'arse covers'.

It resulted in actions or decisions that, while correct, "were to be regretted". Employees more interested in keeping their job than helping people. A system derived

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Challenge #01077-B345: Urban Swashbuckler

Out for a walk and carrying a golf umbrella, walker is attacked by nesting birds. Falls into temptation from watching Far Too Many Fantasy Shows. Opening line. "Beware foul fiends for I am the greatest blade you'll ever meet!" And there are bystanders. Have fun! -- Knitnan

There are several ways to carry an umbrella in modern society, and none of them worked for Latora. There was always one convenience after another that made all the traditional methods a problem. Which was

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