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Challenge #01347-C252: Could They Pick a Worse Team?

I am a ____ agent, I have a voice synthesiser in my throat. I can do any accent you can think of! Unfortunately I've lost the instructions at the moment... And my voice box is stuck on shop demonstration. -- Anon Guest

"Héllo, Madarm. I am hére to see your studént Camila Rodriguéz."

The school secretary looked at the badge, and the agent, and grew a very concerned look.

"Yés. I am a PINATA agént, I have a voice synthésisér in my throat. I can do any accént you can think of. Unfortunately I've lost the instructions at the momént... And my voice box is stuck on shop démonstration." Agent #99 rolled hir eyes in frustration. "It is a véry popular démo."

"You... don't... look real."

"That is bécause I am also an AI with a human soul. It's a long story. Our organisation needs Miss Rodriguéz."

One hand had drifted closer to the red button that would put the school on lockdown. "I've... never heard of PINATA... what are you going to do her?"

"Pérvading Invéstigations of National And Térréstrial Arcana, ma'am. We do not inténd harm to Miss Rodriguéz. Shé is in posséssion of an artifact of some concérn. Wé bélieve it may bé bondéd to hér, so wé inténd to éducate hér in its propér use. And wélcome hér into our ranks."

The subtle, drifting hand rested on the button. "Will you make her like you?"

"My disability is the résult of a freak accidént, I assure you. Wé inténd no harm to come to Miss Rodriguéz."

In retrospect, Agent #99 should not have repeated hirself. That sort of thing tended to unnerve the mortals. Ze sighed and left the school without any further argument, trudging all the way to a deliberately nondescript electronics repair van.

Ze opened the door and hopped inside. "I told you that this was the wrong place for mé to try going in solo."

"Well, it's still too bright for me to do a glamour," said the driver. Anyone looking directly at them would have nightmares for the rest of their life. Except, apparently, Agent #99.

"Wé will have to wait, régardléss. Théy nééd time to calm down."

The creature at the steering wheel sighed. "Worst. Assignment choice. Ever."

"Mm-hm," agreed Agent #99.

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