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A 4756-post collection

Challenge #02073-E249: Audio Only

It went plonk, it went kablooey, it went shhhh, and it went blink.

But most importantly, it went whushhhak. -- Anon Guest

Sound was all that was left. The darkness was absolute, and Phel's ability to feel was impaired by the chemicals that the enemy had forced into hir system. Ze learned quickly how the Zebnaki pirates sounded when they moved, and also learned to avoid them. They had patterns of movement, too, and it helped.

Phel made it all the way to the escape pods, but the instructions were on a screen, and the crew were too close to activate the audio. There wasn't much that ze could puzzle out by hir limited sense of feel alone. Therefore, ze found a place nearby to conceal hirself, and hoped. Her Human friend, Phil, had taught hir all of this. Alternative coping strategies, she called it. Find a way or make a way.

Phil was very good at making a way. She could bull her way through most obstacles and think her way around everything else. And, when everything else failed, she could make her way via sheer, unadulterated persistence and determination. Humans used to hunt by chasing things to death. Phil was, comparatively, rather abrupt.

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Challenge #02072-E248: In the Stars

It's amazing how flaming balls of gas, billions of lightyears from Earth, can have such an impact on human existence. -- Anon Guest

It was mathematics. Geometry. Therefore it had to be as true as the four humors. Cassius watched as the Greek made notes and drew lines between symbols. It was, ultimately, a star-shaped drawing inside a circle, and some other intersecting lines.

"What are the omens?"

"The empire's displeasure continues. You will not rise yet," said Sophus the Prognosticator. "The

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Challenge #02071-E247: What it Was, What it is

"It's a family heirloom." -- Knitnan

Those four words, unfortunately, did not answer the question. It was old, Kelly could tell that much. It had been through much, if the uncleanable burn scars and dents were any indication. It plausibly had moving parts, but now they were mangled or rusted or fused shut. Whatever its original purpose was, it was now, effectively, a work of art.

"I get that it's old. I just wanted to know what it is. Or was. It

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Challenge #02070-E246: Noncogniscent, Noncommissioned Officer

How did Stabby (from Challenge #02032-E208) get his rank? -- さむらいでわない

Shipwide notice, said the message that went to all the crew. Any further referral to ship's equipment by any name is unauthorised. Only registered crew with names, ranks, and files in the ships' staff listings are permitted to be referred to by name, nickname, or rank.

Evidently, Captain Thork'z had grown tired of the Human crew chatting about 'Stabby', the altered vacuum-bot roaming the halls. Also as evident was the fact

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Challenge #02069-E245: And in This Labyrinth

[All libraries are connected, including bookshelves in homes. This is why book lovers like to keep their books in darker and quiet places. They know that not all Travelers can handle light.] -- Anon Guest

There is an ancient chain of logic that leads to the inevitable. Knowledge is power. To know is to have an advantage, yes, but there is more than one form of power... Power can become mass. Play around with Einstein's famous equation and one can convert energy

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Challenge #02068-E244: Wrong Kind of Rescue

{Character 1 kicks down door and fires RPG (or equivalent)}

(To person 2): "I got your text." -- TheDragonsFlame

When Laise was done screaming, and Thor had put down his guns, she recovered enough breath and wits to yell, "Thor, what the actual fuck?"

"You said you needed a rescue."

Laise checked her phone. Only one of her messages had got through thanks to the shitty, shitty local internet. "Damn it..." She took another calming breath. "We're lucky I always get the

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Challenge #02067-E243: The Trouble With Gravy

"Unfortunately, gravity is temporarily out, so we're going to have to deal with it and float." -- TheDragonsFlame

"She's not dead," insisted the Nae'hyn Priest/technician. "She's just resting."

Captain Jarth repeated her question, "How. Long. Will it. Take?"

"I tried to warn you that it was a bad idea to transfer a short-haul gravy drive into a long-hauler," said Knekkit, who was ordinarily the translator. Today, she was being the repeater of known facts. "They get used to patterns of behaviour

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Challenge #02066-E242: A Bug in the Peace Process

Aliens: "We don't know why everyone calls humans wild and crazy these guys just huddle together and whisper all the time"

Small band of humans: All terrified of the giant cockroaches but trying very hard not to cause an international incident -- OohLookShiny

They had expected resistance. They had expected a fight. Even though this was clearly a mercy mission, they expected the Humans to 'kick up a stink'. They knew that these were crazed Deathworlders who liked, very much, to keep

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Challenge #02065-E241: Once Upon a Crusade

"There's no such thing as an elephant."

"Then you have some very big wolves on this planet." -- Anon Guest

"Just think about it for a psalm," said Sir Thakkis. "A beast as large as a peasant's hut, walking on legs as thick as trees, with a nose like a serpent and ears like cloaks? It's too ridiculous to live. And, Frog, I have to remind you that we are on a holy quest and your heretical words have no place."

"I

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Challenge #02064-E240: Evac Under Fire

I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. -- TheDragonsFlame

Gorx halted in mid-step. "Surely the Human phrase is, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Is it not so?"

Human Warin stopped for hir. "Not today. Keep moving. I'll explain on the way." He waited for Gorx to get moving again. "What I just said is a malapropism. A mixing of metaphorical sayings for humour or -in this case- appropriate action." He broke off to race ahead

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Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."

(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame

Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had

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Challenge #02062-E238: Magical Progress Goes Twinkle

Unseen University's Hex nails the math for reliable translocation -- Anon Guest

Magic has rules. This is a fact as real as the turtle that swims underneath the world. Or the four elephants on its back that support the entire disk. In order to fly, one must drop an equal weight and really know how to stick the landing. Magic can turn lead into gold, but that gold will make you sick if you hang on to it for too long. For

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Challenge #02061-E237: Escape the Camp

(Person 1): "What did you get in your care package from home?"

(Person 2, happily): "Military-grade explosives!" -- TheDragonsFlame

The weatherproof box said 'Plasticine' and contained some ridiculously disproportionate cartoon characters on it. Inside were wax-paper wrapped blocks of brightly-coloured stuff that one might expect to be plasticine. But, to a non-casual observer, it wasn't... quite... plasticine.

It was amazing that the guards let it past, to be honest. But then again, Monty and the boys had been spending months on putting

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Challenge #02060-E236: The Way to Make Change

Humans gonna Human -- TheDragonsFlame

A mother in a war zone hands her baby up to a complete stranger, knowing that they may never meet again, but her child has a chance at something better than this. Bullets sing through the air. Fire turns the surrounding landscape into tones of amber. And the last evacuation vehicle leaves the few remaining to their fate. The mother smiles anyway, and waves 'bye-bye' to her child. Pretending, perhaps for a last handful of minutes, that

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Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

“You really ought to learn not to be so trusting,” ze sneered. “The world’s a dangerous place.”

“Clearly you’ve never met a pissed-off human before.” She smiled. “Please, allow me to... enlighten you.” -- Anon Guest

The Human interlaced her fingers and twisted them about to make a sound like several walnuts being crushed at once. While the guards were wincing at that intolerable sound, she casually purloined one of their polearms and used it to stun the other one.

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