Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01025-B293: One Near-Apocalyptic Afternoon in Bloomington, Illinois

The speech known as Abraham Lincoln's "Lost Speech" was given at the Bloomington Convention on May 29, 1856, in Bloomington, Illinois.

The traditional reason given for the lack of any written recollection of the Lost Speech is that Lincoln's skilled and powerful oration had mesmerized every person in attendance. Reporters were said to have laid down their pencils and neglected note taking, as if hypnotized by Lincoln's words. When the speech ended no notes existed, so media reports of the day simply recorded the fact that the speech had been delivered.

But that's just the traditional reason. I bet you can come up with a much more creative reason why the content of an entire speech would have no record of existing other than "He spoke so good they forgot to write it down"...

You don't even need to use Lincoln or his speech, if you don't wish to do so. -- Anon Guest

Abe shook himself, staring at the outlandish fellow sitting across from him. "What in the name of the Lord...?"

"Don't worry. I've purged their presence from you. You should be immune," said the bizarre fellow. He flipped the peculiar... wand? And caught it. Grinning. "The problem is that the spores have spread to the entire convention. Good news - you're about to give a speech. Everyone will be there. I'm going to add a hypersonic harmonic to your microphone so that everyone who hears you will be purged."

"Spores?" echoed Abe. "What's going on? Where's the security?"

The strange gentleman in tweed sighed and rolled his eyes. "Spores from space. Trying to take over the Earth. Starting with the most abundant species. If they win it's not going to be pretty. Well. For your definition of pretty. They think they're quite lovely, and I got derailed again. Um." He played with his hair. "Point is, I can eradicate them here and now and I need your help."

"Where are my guards?"

"Taken over. They're not themselves, any more. Well. Not entirely themselves. There's still some of themselves left, but not for long. The bit that's still them is going to attend your speech. They think that you can help them." A wild grin. Something usually seen on a child about to slide down a frozen hill. The smile of someone who knows they haven't thought things through and are still going to race ahead. "And with my help, they'll be right."

Several facts lined themselves up. Fact, he had noticed people around him going a little strange, here in Bloomington. Fact, he could not remember three days. Not precisely. There were blurred moments. The sensation of fear. Trying to fight... something... and the smell of mushrooms.

"All right. Do I need to say anything specific?"

"No. Not really. You could recite nursery rhymes, it doesn't matter. Side-effect of the harmonics is the people subjected to them forget everything they heard and saw whilst under their effect. Something of a self-preservation instinct, there. It's not nice when they come out." He shook his head and made a face. "I wish I could forget it like you can."

"Sir. I have a reputation as a great orator. I will not stand and spout nonsense, even if the world is at stake." He stood up and dusted himself off. Made himself presentable. "I thank you for your assistance, sir, and for telling me the truth."

"I'm the Doctor," he thrust forward an eager hand. "Big fan."

Abe let the Doctor do as he whist. Tried not to flinch at the sight of what these spores had done to the audience as they filed in. The effect on the ladies was the most disturbing to him. The Spores turned their beauty into grotesqueness.

The hum began. "Ladies, gentlemen, and distinguished guests..." it was the last thing he'd remember as a slight hum overtook his mind and turned his memories into mush. All he could be certain of was that he did not, in fact, spout any nonsense.

And then there was a standing ovation. Tears in the now-healed eyes of the ladies. Whistles in the lips of the men. They said that talking could not save the world. He knew very different.

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Post-massacre update

I have successfully mutilated the Rosemary bush and decimated the mint population The house and my hands are redolent with the scent of both.

I tried enlisting some child labour to speed up the process, but Mayhem begged off early [feeling useless and then feeling sick] and Chaos got bored of picking mint leaves.

I have a sink full of unpicked mint, soaking in water and lemon juice to stop them browning whilst I take a well-earned break. And about a double-handful

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Challenge #01024-B292: Don't Let Them Breed

Sara Louise meets Sherlock (the Benedict Cumberach one). they both get bored easily with trouble ensuing. -- Anon Guest

Watson should have known they were in trouble when the suspected alien had vanished from a locked room without a trace. Scotland yard usually handed off such cases to a special military unit, but they were off on a completely different crisis.

Sherlock looked around the room, including the floor and the ceiling. Everything seemed undisturbed. Not to Sherlock's sharp eyes. He touched

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Where has all the money gone?

I discussed money issues with Beloved in the evening. As it turns out, most of the expenses were directly related to bills and paying off debts.

We're relatively debt free, right now. But we're also money poor.

And Christmas is going to be hellishly expensive, even with my frugality in the balance. For example: Beloved suggested using actual sealing wax for the gift basket stuff. Two of the lovely bottle types have corks, and they're going to need a functional seal.

I

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Challenge #01023-B291: No Such Thing as Normal

This poem: http://bonehandledknife.tumblr.com/post/130524095600/if-you-are-a-monster-stand-up-if-you-are-a -- RecklessPrudence

They called it the DevilPurge, and they came for all the creatures of the night. They came politely, with notarised invitations and assortments of red tape.

They helped the vampires move out. They assisted the werewolves. They kindly and gently moved the mausoleums of the undead. They bussed the witches, wizards and warlocks into a faraway place on the very borders of the kingdom.

To make things better, they said. To

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Time for Science!

Today, when I'm done with my writing, I am taking one of the pretty bottles I got for my artisinal rosemary product gift basket[now featuring mint], and I am going to use it... FOR SCIENCE!

These are wibbly wobbly pretty bottles, and I'm doing nine of everything, but for these ones... I am measuring their collective liquid volume.

Yep. I'm filling a bottle nine times and emptying it into a measuring cup so I know how much high-quality vinegar to purchase.

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Challenge #01022-B290: The Thirteenth House

Haunted House? So what. http://bonehandledknife.tumblr.com/post/131049565560/tbonechessor-leftbouquetarbiter-listen-ok -- RecklessPrudence

It was, of course, a fixer-upper. With their credit rating, the Smiths could afford little else. Callie looked up at the looming heap of crumbling Victorian glory and sighed. "It's another haunted one," she monotoned.

"Come on, Callie... The odds have to be in our favour, one time."

Callie just sighed. This was the twelfth such house they'd lived in. She was beginning to see the pattern. "There's history,

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We've started on our supplies...

My goal for this week and next week is to spend as little as humanly possible so that we have more money to save for Christmas.

The artisinal rosemary products are going to crap on that, more than a little. Mostly owing to the fact that I will have to purchase some tools and find a source of bulk white wine vinegar. Might have to discuss that with Beloved.

I'm doing nine bottles of dried leaves, eight of rosemary oil and six

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Challenge #01021-B289: You Know What You Did

You can be villainous all you like, little AI, but if the people writing the safeguards are competent, you get this: http://weirdlet.tumblr.com/post/131323113905/furious-peridot-witchoil-devilishdescent -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Another one I must reblog to notify that this is a thing. Also, I am trying very hard not to channel Bender Bending Unit Rodriguez]

"Welcome to transit station Eighty-Six, the asshole of the universe," droned the alleged welcoming committee. "If you've been assigned work here, then you've made some really

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A breath of fresh... meat?

We got paid, we got paid! Kaloo kalay, O frabjous day!

I was not about to turn around and spend it all in one place, dear readers. I went to every last cheap zone I knew to get hold of some cheap noms. And some equally cheap plastic containers.

The golden circle factory outlet does some marvelous deals, and I took advantage of them. I now own a metric fuckton of rice, some juices for the kids, and more beetroot than I

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Challenge #01020-B288: Feel the Burn

This post: http://babblingbug.tumblr.com/post/131643642080/xtremecaffeine-copperbadge -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Reblog that post with a linkie]

"The jingles, O my Powers, the jingles..." complained Wayne, apprentice of the Darkening Arts. "All night! It just kept singing them all night... I can't get them out of my head."

"But you got it in your head, right? You can remember all this shiz?" asked Davies.

"It's a terrible price. I thought a music demon would be harmless. I did all the cantrips.

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Holy fuck, I have an itinerary

Busy day today. At least, for my standards of "busy".

Gotta take Mayhem only to school, then turn around and take the cat to the vet. With the potential for UNEXPECTED BILL$$$$. Then I have to drop the cat back home before I take Chaos off to faraway Caloundra for a pediatric appointment.

Said appointment is free - yay!

BUT it will also decide how much financial assistance we get, if any - booo.

And the nice people I was advised to

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Challenge #01019-B287: Tough Assignment

Another one of these, please: http://thepreciousthing.tumblr.com/post/121702150607/finding-flight-okay-but-imagine-a-medieval -- RecklessPrudence

He went where he was summoned, of course. Demons did not have much in the way of free will. He did not question why.

What he did question, after he appeared in several appealing guises, was why it was not working. He was the living embodiment of hot, muscular temptation. He could even do doughy, fuzzy temptation. And he did, just in case.

He could not get a

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Squeaky bum time...

We get paid tomorrow afternoon. Right now, we have about $70 collectively to get us through until then.

We have resources. A metric fuckton of tinned tomatoes, loads of pasta, loads of rice. No cheese. Or at least, no cheese that we know how to cook with.

We do have a wedge of the famous Wensleydale, but we need crackers to try it. And the kids might yet turn their noses up at it because some Americans went and put cranberries in

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Challenge #01018-B286: What a Wonderful World

What else did the corrective wish from Challenge #00954-B223 fix/break, retroactively? -- RecklessPrudence

When Irde stepped out of her home, things had changed. Technology was leaps ahead of what she knew. Even the phone in her pocket wasn't the one she entered with.

The air was cleaner. The streets were paved with solar panels. The roofs were covered with solar panels. The neighbourhood was prettier. Greener, in more ways than one.

The nearest cellular tower also sported wind turbines.

She had

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