Instant Story

They’ll get along like a house on fire, in the sense that there will be significant property damage and possible casualties.

He was looking for allies and none of the bigger interests had any interests in his interests. And his Lizard guide wasn’t much help.

“You may try Ambassador for Nineteen Eighty-Six, Shayde Pitt. I predict you will get along like a house on fire.”

“I’ll teach ya how to talk proper yet,” he grinned. These lizards tended to take everything way too literally. He put on his best smile and sauntered over to the alien-looking lady.

He didn’t like the way she was sizing him up. Like she could see right through him in a cold second.

He felt like he had parsley in his ears.

Sparkle, sparkle. He ramped up his outward congeniality and tried to look handsome.

Then he said the one thing guaranteed to grab her ire. “Hey there, little lady…”

*

“I tried to warn him,” said Ju'shek. “I said he and you would get along like a house on fire.”

“Flames, screaming, and property damage, aye,” said Shayde. “Maybe ye should'nae use metaphors, ye ken.”

Ju'shek wrung her hands. “Many, many apologies…”

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“Your body is your temple. Plunder it.”

Three pieces of good news.

One: He was smarter than the people who had sent him here. And there was no way in hell that he was going to U-turn around into a suicide mission.

Two: The planet that read as habitable actually was habitable.

Three: The people who sent him on this wild flight to meddle with the course of history had sent along all kinds of laboratory equipment and information in

“Kitty, fire starboard weapons”
“Miaou”
“No Kitty, don’t play with the yarn, fire the weapons”

From the Wikipedia Galactica: Space Madness, as it is commonly known, is not, in fact, a mental imbalance caused by being in space. It is well known that cogniscents of all kinds need certain things in order to prosper, both physically and mentally. The isolation of solo missions does, of course, engender ramifications…

“Status report, Lieutenant Tibbles.”

The

To sing when anti-science protestors of whatever stripe are around:

Ev’ry banana you eat / has been genetically engineered / and is a radioactive clone.

There were simultaneous protests outside the administrative building. Some protestors, with a foot in each camp, had evolved revolving signs.

“Bible bashers,” Sylvia shook her head. One side of a sign she was watching quoted the bible about natural foods, and the other screamed about teaching creationism. She had a wicked idea and ducked into her

To quote Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 3 Scene 3, Line 87: No!

“Geez, why do you have to be such a bitch about it?”

Ugh. “Maybe because I had to tell you thirty times before you even heard a real ‘no’? Maybe because my wants and needs aren’t relevant to you? Maybe because the first thing that came out of your mouth when I told you I was bisexual was ‘threesome’? Maybe it’s because you’re as aesthetically pleasing

C:> Cannot find Reality.sys. Universe Halted.

There was no other word for what was happening than Glitch. People went to sleep one colour and woke up another the next. And frequently with a change in their social status and standing.

And it wasn’t just their colour that changed. There were all kinds of alterations. People would go to sleep as a man in a mansion, and wake up as a woman in a slum.

Buildings began to show segmentation

A text found on the first expedition by a species to their planet’s nearest celestial body (moon or nearby planet), which explains in perfectly accurate detail how to improve the efficiency of in-system spaceflight many times over.

Appendix A begins “As we know, 2+2=5…”

Five hundred years ago, people had seen strange lights in association with their moon. A light was clearly visible on the surface of the satellite, every time that it became shadowed.

Four hundred years ago,

On a warning sign

CAUTION: Eldritch Abominations

The human stopped at the door. “Is this serious?”

“Why would it not be?” said the alien robot. “The Yubshuggoth are a kind people, but their appearance has been known to… cause significant alarm. Some have died from the shock. This is why they use avatars like me.”

So what the human do? They thrust open the door and stuck their head inside to see what was so

Well, are we agreed that we will never try to talk to the world ending monsters again?

Yes? Good.

They were in his way. They were there to conquer. Smash! Destroy! Devour!

“Hermann!”

Crush! Kill! Consume!

“Hermann!”

The puny human was only a little smaller than him. How? Had they found a way to grow themselves? Were they stealing the Builders’ ways?“

"Hermann, Hermann, look at me. Look. Look, look, look. You’re not

From the Wikipedia article on Personhood:
“If alien life were found to exist, under what circumstances would they be counted as "persons”? Do we have to consider any “willing and communicative (capable to register its own will) autonomous body” in the universe, no matter the species, an individual (a person)? Do they deserve equal rights with the human race?“

What the hell kind of question is that? Of course we should! Of course they do! The

Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum
[Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe]

“Eh, sometimes you change the world,” Shayde sighed. “Sometimes th’ world changes you. And sometimes… Caesar said it best - ‘interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum’…”

Rael was looking into his eyepiece. “Sometimes, I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe?”

She sighed. Technology. That was the problem. People could

Saying something in all earnestness, not realising that it’s been twisted far from what the words actually _mean_ by scum and then used as a warning sign by people more socially aware than you, and that you just marked yourself as one of those scum. All because you were using the words as they were meant to be used.

[TW: rape]

Sometimes, there’s a big problem with being a card-carrying member of SPOEn - The Society for the Preservation

The uselessness of the “reassurance”, which fortunately I’ve only ever seen in fiction, that ‘You know you’re not evil by the fact that you still worry about your morality’. You could quite easily not realise that you’ve already sunk to new depths of depravity, and still worry about it.

[AN: I almost deleted this because of its similarity to yesterday’s prompt. PLEASE space out your similar prompts with other muse fuel. Thanks.]

“It’s for

The uselessness of the “reassurance”, which I’ve had given to me in real life, that ‘You know you’re not insane by the fact that you still worry about your sanity’. You could quite easily not realise that you’re currently insane, and still worry about it.

“You said you loved me,” sang Annie Lennox, “Or were you just being kiiiind… Or am I losing my mind?”

“Good question, Annie,” I murmured. They’d said