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Humor

A 3-post collection

Challenge #01341-C246: Riders of the Apocollapse

The four Horsepersons of the Apocollapse(Not a typo), ride fourth and get in each other's way. -- Knitnan

[AN: It's officially 'apocollapse' now. It's a word that's long needed to happen]

"And now... we... um..." said Absentmindedness. "Wossname. Thing. It was on the tip of my tongue..."

"Ride?" suggested Mislaying.

"YEEHAW," Distraction gunned hir engine and raced off in the first direction that appealed to hir.

Two of the remaining three started their bikes.

"Shit," said Mislaying. "I lost my keys, hang on."

Clumsiness adjusted a rear-view mirror and accidentally pulled it off. "...fuck..."

Absentmindedness tried to look up Google Maps to get directions to their destination, but soon got lost down Clickhole.

Some minutes passed in relative quiet, until Distraction finally returned. "YOU GUUUUYYYYYYSSS... WE'RE SUPPOSED TO RIDE!"

Clumsiness, meanwhile, had stabbed themself with their own screwdriver in the process of attempting to reattach the mirror. "...do you know where we're going?"

"UM..."

Absentmindedness came up for air. "Huh?"

"Found them!" Mislaying cheered, waving the keys in the air. They were now minus one boot.

"WHERE'S YOUR OTHER BOOT, DUDE?"

Mislaying looked down. "Oh fuck this..."

It's probably a good thing that they only ride metaphorically.

(Muse food remaining: 17. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #00200: You're in Good Hands With Mawlitt-Badlii

“We’re very particular about how it should be handled. Do you understand that?”

“Of course we understand,” said the human. “We’re a cargo company that takes anything, anywhere, anytime, and we always follow instructions.”

“Yes,” said T'griis. “But the phonetic pronunciation of your company name…”

The human grinned in a way that clearly pronounced that they didn’t want to grin at all. “We’

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1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and...

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread.

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