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Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01327-C232: Almost Like Home

Vulcans discover Australian wildlife. -- Anon Guest

Out in the Never-Never, it's either deathly dry or flooded to the point of cataclysm. This time, when the Vulcans sent their science team to investigate, it was deadly dry. Though they had a native guide with them, they seemed most at home in this arid and hostile environment.

Some even felt chilly, and wore coats.

"Ey up," said the native guide. "Got a nesting emu up ahead."

'Ey up', they were assured, was Australian for 'stop what you're doing and look out, there's trouble near by' which was a lot to pack into a mere two syllables.

The Vulcans formed a defensive ring and almost put their scanning equipment at bay. Then they followed their guide's lead and hunkered close to the ground. No-one sat, because they understood the need to take off at a sprint.

The guide had her voice lowered to a murmur. "Now. We might be alright if they've hatched? But we could also be okay if he's still brooding. When they've all hatched, or they're close to being hatched? He won't want to leave any of 'em alone."

"Query," murmured T'rang. "It is usually the female bird who broods a nest. Is this not so on this occasion?"

"Yeah, nah," said the guide. The Vulcans had been assured that this was agreeing, and then answering in the typical, convoluted, Australian style. "Your emu or your ostrich? They've got things going the other way. The male broods while the female goes off and finds another bloke? It's to guarantee that some of the next generation actually make it to the next breeding season." Sharon picked up a random stick and started playing with it. "Life can be rough in the Aussie outback."

"Query," said S'hok, the token male. "Is this the Australian tradition of 'bullshitting' and was that one of your memes just now?"

"Nah yeah," giggled the Australian. Which was answering and then agreeing. "No bullshit. That there's a bloke emu. And the thing with the stick was a meme. Hang on. Someone's decided to say 'hello'..." Sharon used her stick to gently lift a scorpion off a Vulcan foot. "You lot are probably immune? But I'd rather not take any chances. This scorpion's venom can kill a buffalo in two minutes flat."

A chorus of scanners activated, and the closest thing to excited Vulcan murmuring commenced. Eyebrows raised all around and one brave lady picked the creature up by its stinger.

"Fascinating. Genera arachnidae... yet its body form is vastly similar to insecta. The armament indicates a need for defensive and offensive combat."

"And it is edible," added another Vulcan.

"Yeah nah, I'm not scarin' up a scorpion casserole for you lot."

(Muse food remaining: 20. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)


Whatever Chaos has, Mayhem has definitely caught. They both have a wet cough and difficulty swallowing. Antibiotics do not help, because Mayhem has been taking them and he still hasn't got any better.

Chaos is due to see a closer paediatrician this afternoon, but I am going to complain to the GPs first, because medicine is supposed to help people be well.

I have a stabbing pain in my chest that I know is anxiety because I finally sent off that sample of KFZ to a potential agent. I have six weeks of waiting to see if I am worthy. Six weeks means that it will be my birthday when I get the news.

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Challenge #01326-C231: Seek Understanding

if you didn’t know stuff about humans you would think they get mad at the weirdest stuff

like one human raises their thumb to another human that’s good, humans like that

one human raises their middle finger to another human

humans do NOT LIKE THAT

humans think that is a BAD FINGER

don’t you DARE raise that specific finger at me

any other finger is ok just not that one


Anthropology will be the hard elective in alien school.


“Is the middle finger weaponized? Does it spray a venom perhaps”

“No, student Xeepzorp, it is frail and harmless like the others”

“Fascinating” -- Gallifreya

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Spiral, explosion, skull emoji...

Or, as those who love Asterix the Gaul might know them, ancient gaulish swearwords.

All our best-laid plans went agley today when, halfway through my allotted words for my novel-in-progress, I got the phone call that every parental dreads: "Your little darling is sick, come scoop them up."

It didn't matter that I was in the middle of my work [like, literally in the middle of a word], Beloved was deep into some way more important coding, so I had to do the fetch.

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Challenge #01325-C230: An Everyday Misadventure

Image: Frisk carrying papyrus bridal style, apparently running. Papyrus seems surprised and confused "Papyrus deserves to be carried around like princess that he is." -- Gallifreya

"NYA-HA-HOW-OW-OW!" Papyrus rolled into a sitting position on the field, clutching at his left boot. A floating number indicated that he had taken quite a few points off his total HP.

Frisk instantly stopped playing and ran to their friend. They signed, Do you need help?

"The Great Papyrus usually laughs at danger," said the mighty skeleton through gritted teeth. "But gopher holes are not funny."

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::William Tell Overture plays again::

Things to do:

  • Blog
  • Instant Story
  • 500 words in the novel
  • Return or exchange mis-sized clothing that Beloved got for the kids
  • Watch the latest Bourne movie because we're both nerds
  • Take family to see Kubo and the Two Strings because it is AWESOME! And we're all nerds
  • ...find time to froth at someone about how awesome Steam Powered Giraffe is

And I nearly had a mental blowout because I thought I lost one of my treasured Vice Quadrant pins. Turns out it was cunningly hidden by some of my desk debris. Sigh.

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Challenge #01323-C228: We'll Let You Terraform Mars For Free

Both from this post:

1) I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

2) (Description of monstrous animal, weighs 3 tons, runs 30kph, bites 8000 newtons. Just as fast in water. Only some crewmembers who dropped all their gear and ran survived.)

"You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.” -- Gallifreya

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I have yet another theme song

You can bet money that it's from Steam Powered Giraffe, best band in the world.

Check it out:

Now that you have that song stuck in your head, it's my duty to inform you that you can still pre-order the bound-to-be-amazing albumest album to ever album, Quintessential over at Coughcoughshamelessplugcoughcough.

My family and I are off to the outer reaches to do a party for Mayhem, today. Which means I have little time to myself at all this weekend.

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Challenge #01322-C227: Jinkies!

Scoobydoo-esque mystery but with real murder. Murderer goes for Lewis as next victim, gets spectral surprise. "Oh look, I'm dead. Are you happy?" -- Gallifreya

[AN: And proper credit should go to Blazichu who came up with the idea]

They said he haunted an abandoned town, and murdered people who came through it thanks to misdirections from their GPS. They said he was a survivalist that could eat whatever he hunted. And since skulls and human body parts had been washing downriver, something had to be done.

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::William Tell Music::

The usual sideways continueth.

Both kids have the lurgi. Chaos is getting over it and Mayhem is just starting to battle it. My iWatch is finally ready for collection and I have to go to MeMum's to fix her compy today. Because tomorrow, we're headed out to Eastern Craplackistan to do a party thing.


So my current plan is to head out after 8 so I can get to the nearest Apple store in time for it to open [We're in Burpengary. The nearest Apple store is at Chermside] and then trundle all the way to Logan so we can go unriddle a laptop.

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Challenge #01321-C226: Lost and Found

The Ballad of Apollo XIII - sung to the tune of 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald', but with a triumphant ending. -- RecklessPrudence

"I can't find Ambassador Shayde."

They should have been terrifying words, but they had lost any such sparkle through repetition. It had got to the point that Sherlock and Officer Marken both used Ambassador Shayde as testing material for new recruits.

So far, only one sharp Ensign had passed the Shayde Test.

This... was not that Ensign.

"You've checked her office and her home, of course," prompted Rael.

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Mayhem has succumbed to Chaos' virus. Which means I have two kids at home with the Lurgi. It also means that I have to drag Mayhem up to the doctors to get more paperwork, blablabla.

And I have a rash in a painful place that needs to be fixed by not wearing tight clothing. Or not wearing clothing at all.

BUT I have to be out and about. Getting paperwork, fetching ginger ale because everyone is sick... and getting some spray cream because the in-laws demand we eat some bargain cake and the trouble with bargain cake is debatable chocolate...

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Challenge #01320-C225: The Catalogue of Bad Ideas

The invasion was so simple. We sent our soldiers to their children, and they played with them as if they were toys.

When the time came, the attack began, and soon the world was ours. - quoting Wil Wheaton -- Anon Guest

They were everywhere. Insanely popular. Every child just had to have one. They were obnoxious, of course. Designed by some insane and scheming mind to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

And they were so easy to slap on some unrelated piece of tatt and finally get it to shift.

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Bad news, good news

Seems to be the way whenever I'm working on KFZ, that things gang aft agley.

This time, MeMum's compy has decided to do its impersonation of a second-hand lawnmower and play up. Or break down. Which means that she calls in instead of sending an email.

On the same weekend that I am potentially available to help with that, my Beloveds parentals are planning to pop over and celebrate the marking of Mayhem's trip around the sun.

Chaos is still crook, so I have made arrangements to drag the poor mite to the local quacks. But her illness also falls on a day that we had planned to talk about her eligibility for free braces. Huzzah. Can't go spreading Lurgi all over a dental van, of course.

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Challenge #01318-C223: Gem Daycare

1) Steven likes to visit Centi. She and the others have sort of adopted him as an honorary crewmember at this point.

2) From -

Teaching kindergarten is like being an ambassador to beings from another planet and teaching them how to assimilate to our culture.

“No, we do not LICK water fountains. Perhaps that is acceptable on your planet, but here on earth we prefer to DRINK from water fountains.”

“Physics might be a little different on your planet, but here when you throw things they typically fall and break.”

“Grabbing people and shaking them violently is not considered a proper greeting on this planet.” -- Anon Guest

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