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Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01329-C234: Not-Bear

I'm not saying it's bears, but it's bears. (Details) -- RecklessPrudence

"And in other news, Australian zoologists have managed to capture the fabled Yowie. Down by the little outback town of Canyapassabeermate[1], a local dingo trapper found more than he bargained for in one of his cage traps."

They cut to the live feed where the only person wearing corks on their hat was the American newscaster.

"G'day from down under," she cheered, blatantly ignoring the winces of contact embarrassment from the surrounding Australians. "Today the entire world gets to look at Australia's very own marsupial bear!" Kids behind her mugged for the camera.

The cage was improvised, and made mostly out of someone's backyard. Chicken wire between four tall posts contained not one, but a group of three... animals.

It looked like a Kangaroo and a Wombat had got together and had tried to Bear, and got some very essential details completely wrong. The least bearlike of the trio was the skinny little joey, just beginning to explore the world outside its mother's pouch.

The mother lounged on the thin grass eking out an existence on the Canyapassabeermate soil, and ate a branch of a Bottlebrush with the mechanical resignation of a species that doesn't have much past Bottlebrushes to eat. The eldest of her young lounged against her and periodically tried a leaf or two to see if their flavour had improved.

"Herbert Galleywoo, you caught these creatures?"

"Galleywo," he corrected. "Nah yeah, I was tryin' t' catch th' dingoes that've been goin' about and muckin' things up, right. They're an absolute bugger when the tourists've been feedin' 'em. Bloody yanks. Savin' your presence. Anyway, I was up, crack'a sparrow fart, checkin' th' traps and there's this bloody great noise." He tried to imitate it, only to be corrected by the mother.

Turns out that the name 'Yowie' is completely onomatopoeic. And nothing close to the blood-chilling noise that actually issued from the animal's throat.

"Yeh, like that," said Herbert, not turning a hair. "So I went and looked and there's these three. I figured it might be worth a few bob t' get 'em checked out by Parks an' Wildlife... Didn't know I had a new species on me hands. Now there's all sorts comin' up here and hopin' t' catch a breeding pair 'n' all. Wanna know what me bait is."

"And -uh- what was your bait?"

"Hot dogs 'n' peanut butter. Bloke at Parks 'n' Wildlife reckons they're omnivores, but I reckon they're too bloody lazy t' actually catch much."

As if to prove his words, the mother Yowie closed her eyes and dozed off. Bottlebrush still in her mouth and front paws.

The newscaster on the spot had to close out over the sound of the town kids all trying to outdo each other at Yowie Calls.

[1] I want to hear Americans trying to pronounce this, ngl.

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Ow ow ow

It's beginning to look a lot like Lurgi...

I am more mentally scattershot than usual. Brain fog is closing in, there's congestion in my bronchii that won't bloody shift, and I keep sleeping on my shoulders wrong and mucking them up.

And of course I've had my almost bloody typical 3AM wake-up because my life must be absolute hades for some reason.

So naturally I start dozing at the keyboard.

I need coffee.

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Challenge #01328-C233: Pax Multilingual

Ghosts and the word 'boo'. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

"What the hell did you say to that demon, Demon?"

"Shayde," said the demon. "And she was'nae a demon, she was Seeliegh. A Fae."

"You speak gibberish, demon," said Sir Ethil. "More so than usual. Everyone knows that fairies are small and have butterfly wings. That monster looked more like an insect trying to appear human."

Behind Sir Ethil, Tragyk the Mage snorted. He had a lot of trouble with pollen, every time Sir Ethil spoke. It was almost miraculous.

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Happy birthday, Mayhem

Of all the injustices of the universe, the greatest must be having a birthday while you're sick. You can't go out. You can't have a big party. You can't do anything much but ingest whatever you can and groan pathetically. Or wrap yourself up in a doona and play videos all day.

Fortunately, three out of four of those things are Mayhem's favourite activities, so he's not that put out. The minor inconvenience of lurgi is quelled by medication and he hasn't lost his desire to have birthday pie.

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Challenge #01327-C232: Almost Like Home

Vulcans discover Australian wildlife. -- Anon Guest

Out in the Never-Never, it's either deathly dry or flooded to the point of cataclysm. This time, when the Vulcans sent their science team to investigate, it was deadly dry. Though they had a native guide with them, they seemed most at home in this arid and hostile environment.

Some even felt chilly, and wore coats.

"Ey up," said the native guide. "Got a nesting emu up ahead."

'Ey up', they were assured, was Australian for 'stop what you're doing and look out, there's trouble near by' which was a lot to pack into a mere two syllables.

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SNAFU!

Whatever Chaos has, Mayhem has definitely caught. They both have a wet cough and difficulty swallowing. Antibiotics do not help, because Mayhem has been taking them and he still hasn't got any better.

Chaos is due to see a closer paediatrician this afternoon, but I am going to complain to the GPs first, because medicine is supposed to help people be well.

I have a stabbing pain in my chest that I know is anxiety because I finally sent off that sample of KFZ to a potential agent. I have six weeks of waiting to see if I am worthy. Six weeks means that it will be my birthday when I get the news.

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Challenge #01326-C231: Seek Understanding

http://immaplatypus.tumblr.com/post/148474190835/fieldbears-ursulavernon-adamusprime-if

if you didn’t know stuff about humans you would think they get mad at the weirdest stuff

like one human raises their thumb to another human that’s good, humans like that

one human raises their middle finger to another human

humans do NOT LIKE THAT

humans think that is a BAD FINGER

don’t you DARE raise that specific finger at me

any other finger is ok just not that one

--

Anthropology will be the hard elective in alien school.

--

“Is the middle finger weaponized? Does it spray a venom perhaps”

“No, student Xeepzorp, it is frail and harmless like the others”

“Fascinating” -- Gallifreya

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Spiral, explosion, skull emoji...

Or, as those who love Asterix the Gaul might know them, ancient gaulish swearwords.

All our best-laid plans went agley today when, halfway through my allotted words for my novel-in-progress, I got the phone call that every parental dreads: "Your little darling is sick, come scoop them up."

It didn't matter that I was in the middle of my work [like, literally in the middle of a word], Beloved was deep into some way more important coding, so I had to do the fetch.

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Challenge #01325-C230: An Everyday Misadventure

http://mrfebruarius.tumblr.com/post/144148482350/papyrus-deserves-to-be-carried-around-like

Image: Frisk carrying papyrus bridal style, apparently running. Papyrus seems surprised and confused "Papyrus deserves to be carried around like princess that he is." -- Gallifreya

"NYA-HA-HOW-OW-OW!" Papyrus rolled into a sitting position on the field, clutching at his left boot. A floating number indicated that he had taken quite a few points off his total HP.

Frisk instantly stopped playing and ran to their friend. They signed, Do you need help?

"The Great Papyrus usually laughs at danger," said the mighty skeleton through gritted teeth. "But gopher holes are not funny."

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::William Tell Overture plays again::

Things to do:

  • Blog
  • Instant Story
  • 500 words in the novel
  • Return or exchange mis-sized clothing that Beloved got for the kids
  • Watch the latest Bourne movie because we're both nerds
  • Take family to see Kubo and the Two Strings because it is AWESOME! And we're all nerds
  • ...find time to froth at someone about how awesome Steam Powered Giraffe is

And I nearly had a mental blowout because I thought I lost one of my treasured Vice Quadrant pins. Turns out it was cunningly hidden by some of my desk debris. Sigh.

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Challenge #01323-C228: We'll Let You Terraform Mars For Free

Both from this post: http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/148437315937/bioluminosity-jean-bo-peep-artiestroke

1) I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

2) (Description of monstrous animal, weighs 3 tons, runs 30kph, bites 8000 newtons. Just as fast in water. Only some crewmembers who dropped all their gear and ran survived.)

"You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.” -- Gallifreya

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I have yet another theme song

You can bet money that it's from Steam Powered Giraffe, best band in the world.

Check it out:

Now that you have that song stuck in your head, it's my duty to inform you that you can still pre-order the bound-to-be-amazing albumest album to ever album, Quintessential over at http://www.steampoweredgiraffe.com. Coughcoughshamelessplugcoughcough.

My family and I are off to the outer reaches to do a party for Mayhem, today. Which means I have little time to myself at all this weekend.

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Challenge #01322-C227: Jinkies!

http://blazichu.tumblr.com/post/148360791519/callmegallifreya-blazichu-im-gonna-tell-you

Scoobydoo-esque mystery but with real murder. Murderer goes for Lewis as next victim, gets spectral surprise. "Oh look, I'm dead. Are you happy?" -- Gallifreya

[AN: And proper credit should go to Blazichu who came up with the idea]

They said he haunted an abandoned town, and murdered people who came through it thanks to misdirections from their GPS. They said he was a survivalist that could eat whatever he hunted. And since skulls and human body parts had been washing downriver, something had to be done.

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::William Tell Music::

The usual sideways continueth.

Both kids have the lurgi. Chaos is getting over it and Mayhem is just starting to battle it. My iWatch is finally ready for collection and I have to go to MeMum's to fix her compy today. Because tomorrow, we're headed out to Eastern Craplackistan to do a party thing.

Huzzah.

So my current plan is to head out after 8 so I can get to the nearest Apple store in time for it to open [We're in Burpengary. The nearest Apple store is at Chermside] and then trundle all the way to Logan so we can go unriddle a laptop.

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Challenge #01321-C226: Lost and Found

The Ballad of Apollo XIII - sung to the tune of 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald', but with a triumphant ending. -- RecklessPrudence

"I can't find Ambassador Shayde."

They should have been terrifying words, but they had lost any such sparkle through repetition. It had got to the point that Sherlock and Officer Marken both used Ambassador Shayde as testing material for new recruits.

So far, only one sharp Ensign had passed the Shayde Test.

This... was not that Ensign.

"You've checked her office and her home, of course," prompted Rael.

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