Beloved is out working so late that it’s early. And I have the shittiest time sleeping alone.
My feet hurt. It’s cold. And I think I might need the nebuliser because I haven’t been looking after myself.
And of course at 3AM I get thoughts like:
One day I will be problematic to somebody.
One day someone will dig up something I said in a previous decade that I cringe about even now. And someone will use that as an excuse to generate hate.
OTOH it’s probably not likely because very few peeps even read the shit I write now.
It’s hard to be optimistic in a lonely bed on a cold morning on the second day of insomnia.
So let me give you an idea of how naughty I’ve been. Over the past week:
I have not been eating regularly. And when I do eat it’s been bad food.
I have not been taking my supplements that improve life as I know it.
I have not been doing all the exercises I need to do to get my feet better. I do one, but rarely both. And some days I don’t do them at all.
I have not kept to my personal schedule.
I have not been doing any laundry.
I have not been keeping clean :(
The only conclusion I can reach is that lonely is not good for me. Or I really need a nanny.
Bluh. I’m going to try napping until dawn.