Okay, so I had an idea about White-CISMale supremacy...

…specifically in the area of sexual harassment.

I’ve been meddling with the idea for a few weeks, what with all the oppression stuff on my dash lately. It does require like-minded ladies to gang up for the duration.

It basically goes: (1) Pick a local-area douchebag (2) Literally treat him like a piece of meat.

On to the juicy details…

Come up with meat-related terms of endearment [eg: “cutlet”, “sausage”, “prime rib”, etc.] and slip these into everyday conversation when you talk to him.

Talk with a conspirator outside his cubicle/office about how you’d love to serve various parts of his body with gravy/on a bed of lettuce/with a side of fava beans and a nice chiante. Points for volume.

Take every opportunity to ask if that rump comes with potatoes and steamed vegetables. Especially when you’re behind him.

In the break room, when he enters, start up a conversation with a conspirator about how he’s a fiiiiiiinnnne piece of long pig [Trivia bonus: “long pig” is a euphemism for human meat]. And if he’s having anything you consider ‘fattening’, cat-call him with things like, “Aw yeah, go ahead and stuff yourself, Bacon… I love it when they’re nicely marbled.” Contrariwise, if he’s dieting, comment about some nice, lean meat.

NEVER go out of your way to harass. Just use every last opportunity to remind him how edible he is.

Feel free to be completely creepy about it.

When he complains to you, reverse his slimy comments onto him. Eg: “Aw, I’m just playing with you, Cutlet. Grow a sense of humour.” or, “Come on, Casserole… It’s a compliment.” or, “You should feel flattered I noticed how delicious you’re looking.”

Knowing males can sometimes completely fail to get a clue and take it as a come-on, study up on slaughterhouse practices - including how to feel up an animal and judge how good/bad the meat will be… And walk him through every last gory detail of the practical matters of meat prep until he either throws up or runs away. This may require writing up a legal waiver and lining a room with plastic drop-cloths…

In the unlikely event that he actually gets the cops involved, give them all the details about how he’s treated you like a piece of meat and got away with it; and how you’re just evening the score. How you proceed from there is up to you.

Either way, you need to subsequently tone it down for a fortnight before resuming with the “cute” meat-related nicknames.

Wait for him to turn around and demand what the hell is wrong with you.

Then confront him about how it’s not nice to treat a human being like a piece of meat.

Remind him that every time you see/hear him being a sexist douche, you [and your friends] are going to become carnivorously-minded around him. And, therefore, it’s entirely up to him as to whether or not he becomes a better human being.

Could be fun to watch.