Challenge #01007-B275: Karma Incorporated

It's not like this is the first time I've had to negotiate with someone I've stolen from while duct taped to a chair. -- RecklessPrudence

I completely understand why you're upset. You have lots of nice stuff and I'd like to keep it too. I mean, if it was legitimately mine.

Please, I promise it's okay. I'm only after ill-gotten gains. You know... like those diamonds? In the safe?

Yeah. The safe you caught me cracking. That safe. The diamonds were purchased with bad money. I've done my homework on this. That land you razed? It had people living in it. Very nice people who you made homeless because some asshole said it was empty.

They're homeless, by the way. And because they were living a pre-industrial lifestyle, they have zero chances in the modern world.

Oh. You knew about them and you still went ahead? That's what we call a 'dick move' in the business.

My business? Instant Karma. Instead of waiting for the cycle of life to punish you, we... kind of arrange things to happen to you while you're still alive to appreciate it.

My team of hackers can hear me, by the way. And you. Thanks to that nice confession, you're going to have a very bad business day, tomorrow. Put it this way - you're going to be seeing a lot fewer zeroes than you're used to.

And I'm sorry, but your phones are now all connecting directly to our Rickroll hotline. And your cameras are primed to broadcast any violence you commit against me to the entire internet.

You won't be able to afford the lawyers you used to use in just a few moments.

Now. Please untie me and give me the diamonds, and we'll let you keep the rest of the house and contents to sell just so you can survive.

Remind me again how you feel about poor people owning refrigerators?

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