Funny

A 60-post collection

Challenge #00997-B266: Time to Clean the Tank

http://primarybufferpanel.tumblr.com/post/130327638454/alien-invasion

Thought you might like this one. Don't think it would fit in Amalgam-verse, though. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Yeah nah, it wouldn't.]

They called it the Green War. The collective nations of the Earth were fighting over, and in, the world's last forest. So of course, frequent use of napalm was de rigueur.

Elsewhere, pro-lifers were bombing fertility clinics in the mistaken belief that they also performed abortions. There were also roaming gangs of pro-lifers who were murdering pregnant people if they posted about an unwanted or unwelcome pregnancy on Facebook.

Infinity-level vegans were sterilising farm soil so that no tardigrades would be harmed.

A host of anti-vaccination proponents were cheerfully announcing their first Smallpox Party in centuries. In a crowded mall in the middle of one of the most crowded cities in the world.

And the government-funded experiment to encourage honeybees to become resistant to farm chemicals was showing negative signs of progress. Of course the answer was to spray the hives harder, and with stronger chemicals.

When the aliens came, humanity barely looked up to point. The ships looked like giant snowflakes in the sky. All identical. All spaced regularly around the globe and remaining a precise distance above sea level in exactly the way that snowflakes don't. And it didn't help that they all glowed an eye-splitting purple.

They trended on Twitter for all of two minutes before some celebrity had a nip slip and all was back to what passed for normal.

They started beaming things up at the same time, so that could not trend on Twitter.

Humanity initially found itself in a volume of space roughly equivalent to Texas. Without their weapons. Without their technology. Without their clothes. Without control. The floor was soft. The temperature comfortable. And, once like-minded groups were separated from attempts at combat with un-like-minded groups, the general atmosphere was almost pleasant. The food was bland, but nutritious, and delivered in strict doses to each individual simultaneously. Those prone to taking food from others found themselves isolated until the others had finished eating. Human waste merely vanished into its depository surface.

It took humanity two weeks to get used to the abductions.

People would vanish without warning, and be absent for a few days before re-appearing none the worse for wear. Often in better health than when they left. Trans people got the bodies they dreamed of without pain. Chronically ill people got miraculous cures. More than a few individuals got new organs. Or teeth.

The extremely violent people gradually learned that violence literally got them nowhere. Any escalation of rage quickly resulted in the angry individual being sent to a smaller, blank room until they stopped being angry.

Most of the things that separated humanity ceased to matter, in the Big Room.

And just as suddenly as it began, humanity was back on Earth. Buildings and infrastructure remained. Technology remained. Yet... most things were... homogenised. Every home had power, now. And a functional sewerage system that turned waste into energy, with the byproduct being a truly efficient fertiliser.

Extinct and endangered animals were flourishing, once more.

The population was strangely homogenised, too. People were scattered liberally all over population centres. Except for a group of radical haters who wanted the people they hated to be put on islands. They all wound up on one, very isolated island with everything they needed to survive. And a message that read good luck in all known languages.

The rest of the planet got the Stelae. No matter who looked at it, they could read it. Small children and the illiterate saw pictograms. But everyone understood. They were rules of behaviour.

Be good to this planet.

Look after the plants and animals.

Look after each other.

Help those who need it.

Give to those who don't have.

Let those who choose to breed do so, but have no more than four children.

You are being monitored. You are naughty pets.

There was a purple snowflake on the moon. In retrospect, Earth's problems were just beginning.

(Muse food remaining: 13. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

reallyautomaticphantom:Since I might be away for some time, I figured I might throw in not only a small 3 episode miniseries but the revised...

reallyautomaticphantom:

Since I might be away for some time, I figured I might throw in not only a small 3 episode miniseries but the revised edition I did later on. So you’re also getting a sneaky peek at a style I adopted later on.

We go from photographs mixed in with graphite & ink drawings to actual CGI (kinda) models I built from the ground up. If you hadn’t guessed I’m more comfortable with hands-on tactile arts, even in

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InterNutter answers an Ask: Luckers

This came to me via email:

Wanda the Unfortunate and ‘The Drongo’, are both luckers. Wanda is clumsy, the Drongo gets 'Wonderful Ideas!“ Both have the ability to fall into the Septic Tank and come up with valuables plastered over themselves. So, are they just two degrees of luckers? Wanda has two doses of clumsy, the Drongo seems to be immune to clumsy but not safe to be near. And what happens on places like Amalgam where population density

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Challenge #00586 - A221: One Damp Afternoon on Tour

“Shock and awe can be dangerous and deadly, therefore the management has overturned your booking of the concert hall for a- what was it again?”

“A magic show.”

“Look,” sighed The Great Amaze-o. “We’re a comedy act. We show how everything is done and half the time we pretend to flakk it up. It’s funny.”

The Nephroton on the other side of the counter glared at them with her segmented

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WMMDDWFIWM

meefling:

Why Matter Master David Doesn’t Wear Fedoras In Walter Manor

Reason #27:

rabbit decided today would be a good day to play “Detective” and concluded my hat was the murder,this caused my hat to get quite the excectuion

[prompt given by ectobreath]

Dear diary,

The robots all seemed to be in an odd mood this morning. Well, more odd than their normal selves. The Spine was acting immature, Hatchworth was actually careful for once, and Rabbit was acting like

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PLEASE DONT BOTHER BUN

fun123joker:

image

What do you do when you encounter a nest by Bunny Bennett? image

Bunny nest and can be disturb when you turn on the lights or turn off the wi-fi. if you find a bunny nest of blankets and pillows LEAVE IT ALONE

image

To determine if Bunny is done of your shit place sting around the nest in a tic-tac-toe shape or circle the nest with flour. Check the string an hour or two later

image

SEE! the sting is down and you

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WMMDDWFIWM

meefling:

Why Matter Master David Doesn’t Wear Fedoras In Walter Manor

Reason #26:

Fell asleep on the job and woke up to find it missing

[prompt given by meefling]

Dear diary,

I don’t think I got enough sleep last night, to be perfectly honest. I don’t know why, maybe I couldn’t get comfortable or maybe I was having trouble breathing right from the smoke that I dealt with yesterday evening.

Either way, my being so drowsy during the

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WMMDDWFIWM

meefling:

Why Matter Master David Doesn’t Wear Fedoras In Walter Manor

Reason #20:

GG read that only douches wear fedoras and confronts Him about it

[prompt given by anonymous]

Dear diary,

I think today went fairly normally. I did some work and talked with some people, some things exploded and reverse-exploded, nothing hugely out of the ordinary happened. I guess the day sort of fell apart at the end of it.

I shouldn’t have had any confidence that my fedora

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WMMDDWFIWM

meefling:

Why Matter Master David Doesn’t Wear Fedoras In Walter Manor

Reason #10:

Paige throws it into the kazooland portal

[prompt given by i-clash-with-everything]

Dear Diary,

Today was another day in the lab. Normally with lab work I’m assigned to somebody I know, and normally I gravitate towards working with Sam, but today I have the pleasure of working with Walter Girl Paige in one of the technical labs.

Now um, maybe choosing blue matter colours for my fedora wasn’

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WMMDDWFIWM

meefling:

Why Matter Master David Doesn’t Wear Fedoras In Walter Manor

Reason #1:

Qwerty mistakes it for a hotdog. The condiment stains never wash out.

[prompt given by i-clash-with-everything]

Dear diary,

Today was average. Go figure, seeing as I’m a technology guy, I was sent to the Hall Of Wires to do some repair work with the control panels. QWERTY kept me company.

He seemed to have a keen interest in my fedora.

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Meef is doing the Thing!

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