Okay, so sugar and lots of it does really terrible things to me. I have learned this now.
Following a breakfast of a Lindt dark choc bunny, a Guylian sampler1 and some sugar-free creaming soda... I had asthma, loose stools, and trouble staying upright.
At least until we headed off to Maccas for lunch for some grease-burgers and, in my case, the promisingly disgusting Cadbury Cream Egg McFlurry. It was actually more of a sundae with caramel sauce and definitely-not-cadbury-flakes on top. It was Nestlé at best, and very possibly Red Tulip at worst.
Years have made me something of a connoisseur. Red Tulip makes possibly the worst and cheapest chocolate in the world, with flavours ranging between Soap and Dirt. For all of those people who are fans of Red Tulip and are prone to take umbrage - get yourself one or more Guylian hazelnut praline seashells. Taste that and you'll never want to touch Red Tulip again. You're welcome. I'm convinced they make their money out of kids who don't know any better, grandparents who have lost most of their taste buds, and parentals who are damned if they're going to get good chocolate when they know damn well that 80% minimum is going to wind up all over a difficult-to-clean surface.
Anyway... Three bites into a tailored Quarter-pounder and I immediately felt better with my place in the world. Astonishing. This Nutter can no longer survive on sugar alone2.
And speaking of sugar, the Maccas Cream Egg Sunday is just as disgusting as I thought it would be. Almost more disgusting than the Cream Eggs themselves. Yes, I'm usually a fan of Cadbury, but my annual Cream Egg consumption is just one. It's the worst confection (IMHO) that Cadbury has ever come up with shy of Top Deck. That gooey sweet filling is just too much sugar and could probably benefit from a salted caramel 'yolk'.
But after that, I only lasted a couple more hours before a combination of Lurgi and sugar overload got to me and I had to sleep it off. Yes, folks! I frelled up my internal clock. Again. Sorry about that.
I should be back to what passes for normal very soon, though. Now, if only there was a way to make my herbal tea actually have a taste.
The bag of very good chocolate that I have consists of six very good flavour alternatives: Latte Macchiato, Dark Praline, Original Praline, Crunchy Biscuit, Milk Truffle, and Caramel. I'm letting myself have ONE a day and cutting all the rest of my carbs to nearly zero. ↩
My journey through university was fuelled almost exclusively by minties, fanta, doughnut holes, and Hungry Jacks' Whopper Junior meal deals. If I tried that, now, I would probably die. ↩