Humans Are Weird

Challenge #02267-F077: Friend? Friend!

Alien Snake-/Reptilian species meet the Human Race. Unfortunately (or Fortunately, depending on your viewpoint ^^) first contact happens between a snake lover (Pet the Snek !) and a proud Ambassador. -- Anon Guest

Many unfortunate First Contact situations have arisen because one or more cogniscent species in the encounter strongly resembles another's phobia species. We therefore recommend that all cogniscents finding themselves within a First Contact situation take a few moments to stop all voluntary movement, put down any tools, and properly assess the situation in a calm and logical manner. -- An Everyday Cogniscent's Guide to Discovering Strange New Worlds and New Civilisations.

Hishesh was doing his best. Honestly. He had put down his tools. He had stilled himself as much as he could. He even displayed open and empty manipulating limbs. Despite all this, the mammal on the other side of this particular space in an abandoned hulk still kept making a long and loud noise. Hishesh had to admit that they had either an impressive lung capacity or a mastery of cyclical breathing. True to the manual, Hishesh made himself look smaller and moved his limbs in a semi-protective manner. An almost universal gesture to communicate You are concerning me.

Finally, the mammal breathed in. "OhmygodsyouarethecutestlizardIeversaw!" They were still loud, but quickly tempered their reactions. Empty manipulating limbs, a reduction in height, and a gentling of their voice. They may not have read the manual, but they were clearly attempting to put Hishesh at ease. "Therenow, therenow. It'sokay. Iwannamakefriends." Open hand, low and exposed, clearly in an awkward position for any kind of sudden attack. "It'sokay..."

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Challenge #02263-F073: Children Problems

Human children grow their teeth. Problems arise as consequence.

How would that be for species, wou have three rows with hundreds of teeth? How would they react to a human toddler with their special problems? -- Anon Guest

The Edge Territories. Here there be Humans. Raashig was assured that, as a Selachid, the Humans wouldn't attempt to start any aggression. That said, such assurances were not a guarantee. There was always a minimum of one Humans who was drunk enough, belligerent enough,

Challenge #02261-F071: They Love to Sing-a

"When an eel bites your thigh,

then you bleed out and die,

thats a Moray"

Humans will parody anything they like and especially catchy songs.

Even National Anthems. No matter the origin. -- Anon Guest

The local Humans were having an Untalent Show at the Choose Your Poison Drink[1], wherein all participants imbibed a lot of alcohol, got up onto the in-house stage, and demonstrated something they were horrible at. Either that, or it was Two Drink Minimum Karaoke Night. It

Challenge #02260-F070: The Answer

42 is the answer to everything.

Aliens meet a fan of the series and are baffled, that 42 is the correct answer to every problem on their ship.

Coincidence or Joke ? -- Anon Guest

"Whoa. That's gotta be forty-two comets in a V-formation," stated Human Dug. Later assessment revealed that they were correct. There were exactly forty-two cometary masses grouped together and orbiting this particular sun.

This was a peculiarity of Human Dug. Forty-two was always the answer, and it always was

Challenge #02255-F065: We Welcome

The Hive of _________ could rule themself lucky. Enough food, no immediate threats and a happy broodmother.

All is well and quiet, until they need to integrate a human onboard one of their ships.

Even the drones are confused. They don't have a hive-system? They aren't born with their duties and jobs?

Just some casual integration on a Hiveship. What could go wrong? -- Anon Guest

Ysoptae Hive Identity Flitterfell was informed that they

Challenge #02236-F046: We Always Came Back

Do couples on ships ever sing duets together during their leisure times? That would be adorable. -- Anon Guest

Humans are pack-bonding creatures and thrive in environments where they have ready access to their pack. It is therefore advisable, when hiring Humans, to be sure that you hire Humans who have already established a stable pack bond. -- Douddam's Guide to Surviving the Edge.

The Francetti's were at it again. Human pack-bonding rituals were one thing, but this? This was bizarre, even

Challenge #02226-F036: Simple Metallurgical Skills

They were doomed. The copper tin alloy for the critical drive component they desperately needed was on a planet weeks away, and even if they had it, they couldn't make the part on the ship.

That's when the human walked into the bridge mopping sweat off hir brow.

"All fixed let's go."

"What do you mean all fixed?"

"Simply, I made a cast of the part with the pieces, then melted down the original and re cast it. It should last to

Challenge #02224-F034: The Better Mousetrap Paradox

"Why do you carry a device only for recording your voice?"

"I think too quick to type anything down" -- Anon Guest

"There are auto-dictation programs galore," added Phrel. "Voice to text."

"Except they come with autocorrect and it takes a freaking age to teach them my personal lexicon. I'm a self-confessed weirdo that way. It's much easier for me to record the audio, slow it down, and use an older autodict to take a best guess at all the spelling. Then

Challenge #02221-F031: The Wager Motivation

Humans have a way of betting that causes the right people for a particular challenge to attempt what is at the time seemingly impossible.

An Inducement prize Contest like the "Ansari X prize" for making the first reusable private Spacecraft, or a Wager like the story of "Around the world in 80 days", even just friends and the ole "Hold my beer".

Humans strive to do the impossible because they like to win. It's in the DNA -- Adam from Darwin

The

Challenge #02216-F026: The Boredom Compulsion

This rumination on Queen's three types of songs, as seen by aliens trying to understand these odd Deathworlders. -- RecklessPrudence

If there is anything to cause the Human brain to skip a few gears, it's listening to The Prophet's Song followed by Fat Bottomed Girls. Both are clearly sung by the same man. Learning that both are written by the same man just makes the disparity more obvious.

One is a philosophical piece about those who foresee doom down the road and

Challenge #02212-F022: Companion Ship

A human finally finds a crew member who understands their sarcasm. -- Anon Guest

You have to be careful when you're a human around non-humans. Not all of them understand intonation, and just use your words. Sarcasm may be lost on the slow of mind, but it's also lost on those with different tonal coding to you. Worse - sometimes it's both.

Helpful hint to other humans like me who keep using sarcasm out of habit. Always point out why the sarcastic

Challenge #02209-F019: An Unnatural Fascination

Alright, so I have yet to see something about pyromaniacs in any of the posts out there and figured here was a good place to submit the idea.

Could you imagine them finding out about some humans really, really loving fire?

Like sure, they use fire and appreciate it and its many uses, but maybe there aren’t any aliens that actually love or enjoy fire?

Like there are many of us that actively play with fire or are drawn to it

Challenge #02151-E322: Easily Entertained

Human: ha, dogs are so easily amused. I just watched this one Chase his tail for 15 minutes straight

Alien: You spent 15 minutes watching a dog chase its tail

Human: yeah, that's what I just said

Alien: and the dog is the one whose easily amused

Human: ...yes?

Alien: (sarcastically) okay, sure that makes sense -- OohLookShiny

The list of dangerous things in the known universe had once, paradoxically, contained entries on both "quiet humans" and "laughing humans". It has since

Challenge #02015-E191: Party Time on No-Longer-Tranquil VII

On the wall was posted the human regiment’s code of conduct/safety instructions:

Do not subtract from the population.

Do not add to the population (looking at you Jared).

Do not end up in the hospital, the news, or in jail.

If you do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly. -- Anon Guest

It was a set of rules above the airlock door. Entitled, When Visiting. And could be summarised as, "No killin', no thrillin', just chillin'." Which every squad

Challenge #01932-E108: Cute, Fluffy, Dangerous

It looks adorable, acts so very cute, and even smells attractive. Don't go near it with barge pole. There's got to be some huge catch. -- Anon Guest

Humans are bizarre. At any given moment, they will attempt to tame and then ride any beast bigger than one of their domestic canids[1]. They will coo over and attempt to pet any given venomous or aggressive creature. But it was on the planetary system WEP969HU84I, nicknamed Planet Cutiekiller, that another aspect of

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A 177-post collection

Challenge #02267-F077: Friend? Friend!

Challenge #02263-F073: Children Problems

Challenge #02261-F071: They Love to Sing-a

Challenge #02260-F070: The Answer

Challenge #02255-F065: We Welcome

Challenge #02236-F046: We Always Came Back

Challenge #02226-F036: Simple Metallurgical Skills

Challenge #02224-F034: The Better Mousetrap Paradox

Challenge #02221-F031: The Wager Motivation

Challenge #02216-F026: The Boredom Compulsion

Challenge #02212-F022: Companion Ship

Challenge #02209-F019: An Unnatural Fascination

Challenge #02151-E322: Easily Entertained

Challenge #02015-E191: Party Time on No-Longer-Tranquil VII

Challenge #01932-E108: Cute, Fluffy, Dangerous