Crazy Theories

A 1-post collection

Warning: epileptic trees ahead

I love Adventure Time. So do Mayhem and Chaos. And, being the overthinker that I am, I just had to concoct my own timeline based on things I’d picked up from the show.

Brace yourself. A wall of text is coming:

Dec 21 2012 happens with a surprising lack of disasters, quietly ushering out the Age of Science and welcoming the new Age of Magic.

May 2014 Simon Petrikov unearths the Enchiridion and some other artefacts of magic potential. He reads the one page imbued with magic [Thus rendering it readable] and unlocks magic for the rest of the world.

August 2014 Marcelene’s Mom buys an artefact from Simon as a gag gift for Hunson Abadeer. It is a medalion that makes the wearer into the king/ruler of the nightosphere.

December 2014 Mars colony begins.

March 2014 Petrikov returns home with the Ice Crown, dons same, begins slow descent into madness.

June 2014 Marcelene born. She is blue and has pointy ears. Doctors can not tell why. Otherwise, she is an ordinary child.

October 2014 Abadeer begins work on a military contract for a super-weapon “the likes of which this Earth has not seen”. Principle ingredient: dark magic from the pages of the Enchiridion.

February 2015 Flaming asteroid detected, heading for earth. Naturally, political upheaval is rife and nobody does plop about it.
Abadeer selling superweapon to everyone and their kid brother’s dog.

March 2015 Thousands of survivalists begin working on their bunkers.

September 2015 Flaming asteroid photographed heading for earth from Martian colony telescope. One of these photos ends up in the Ice King’s The Past Room.

October 2015 proposal to use Abadeer’s superweapon against said asteroid proposed. Everyone agrees, thinking of launching their own weapons against their least favourite country at the same time.

November 2015 Asteroid too close for comfort. All nations launch superweapons… at each other. First one to strike spawns the Litch.
Flaming asteroid hits Earth, knocking chunk out of it.
Petrikov unleashes a torrent of ice magic to protect his home town, freezing the Businessmen and many other random things.
The mushroom war begins.
Magic and mutogenic substances flood the Earth, causing wild and random mutations to spontaneously erupt and inanimate objects to become animate. Most common mutation is noselessness.
Abadeer returns home to find his family killed in the blasts. He only has enough power to revive either his wife or his daughter. He chooses Marcelene. She is permanently marked as a direct result.
The Enchiridion, used in the ritual, becomes quasi-sentient as a result. It begins to resent Abadeer.

December 2015 Petrikov packs his bags and begins looking for survivors.

Abadeer and Marcelene begin wandering the wasted landscape.

Abadeer also blatantly misuses the Enchiridion for his own wants.

July 2019 Enchiridion has enough of Abadeer and catapults him into the nightosphere.
Petrikov finds Marcelene and gives her Hambo. They begin wandering together for some time.
The Enchiridion is lost under the rubble.

early 2020 Petrikov encourages Marcelene to wander on her own. He knows he is dangerous and can’t help her.

2025 Nations run out of big weapons to use, armies to fight. The mushroom war peters to a halt.
Mars realises it is an independent nation and starts using magic to solve problems Earth used to fix.
Marcelene briefly stays with a cadre of fellow vampires and learns some tricks.
All life on earth struggling to get by. Money is only used when both trading parties agree on the value of it.

2125 Petrikov, becoming the Ice King, pays his first visit to Marcelene. This happens roughly every century.
A band of humans emerges from their shelters and dons animal hats so they look less conspicuous to the largely animal people who’ve been on the surface all this time. They wander as groups

2224 The Yoomins start to mutate into fish-people.
Ice King finds Marcelene again.

2225 Marcelene moves without leaving a forwarding address.
Horses mutate into unicorns and rainicorns.
Ponies mutate into brightly-coloured intelligent beings and create their own civilisation on an isolated continent. Other previously-mythical creatures also seem to gravitate there.

2326 Ice King strikes again.
A system of principalities begins to emerge, with like beings grouping together for support.
Wandering band of humans begin “seeding” random populations with ‘spare’ children, leaving them for other kinds to adopt… or raise for food stock.

2327 Marcelene finds a new home.
The dogs, longtime companion of the humans, start building settlements and shelters. Humans continue wandering, but they know that if they leave their 'spare’ children with the dogs, those children will be OK.

2429 Ice king, now fully transformed, finds Marcelene. Attempts to get him to get lost fail, resulting in Marcelene moving to new digs.

Princesses Celestia and Luna vs. King Sombra.
Princess Luna exiled.

2525 Ice King vs. Marcelene round 6.
Technology merges with magic to sci-fi proportions. Some technology becomes cogniscant, like BMO.
Magic Man begins plaguing martian citizens.

2624 Rainicorns discover human meat is a delicious delicacy, begin hunting humans.
Ice King vs. Marcelene round 7.

2727 Battles between rainicorns and dogs break out.
Ice King vs. Marcelene round 8.

2821 Magic Man exiled.
Ice King vs. Marcelene round 9.

2930 The great dog-rainicorn war begins, human populations are decimated.
Ice King vs. Marcelene round 10.

2998 Susan Strong born.

3002 Finn & Jake born, Finn left where Jake’s family are certain to find him.

3015 Adventure time!