I should be getting a nice shopping cart full of findings from AliExpress, but I'm dawdling. I'm thinking too hard about the simplest things I could make versus the things I should be selling. I need to think bare minimum whilst a majority of my culch is missing without a trace. Which I find personally very annoying.

Very annoying things stick with me too well. I remember a large assortment of betrayals and unintentional cruelty towards me... and I remember things like a fucking bag the size of a human going AWOL. Or a tube of 44pr hand-made earrings vanishing just as it got to its destination.

These things get to me. And they just... stay there.

I can't fathom why my own brain is this cruel to me, but...

I swear. If I could just find ALL of my culch, I could get moving.


I am going to firkin make myself get some new bits and bobs. I am going to get the things I need. All the things I need. So I can make non-standard jewellery for non-standard ladies.


I just... I know I'd feel more comfortable about it whilst talking it over with Beloved. I like discussing things before I make what has to be a big decision.

...and I'm scared of starting because - what if fail?

I have to remember my own pep talk. The only way to fail is never to try. If I fail after I tried - at least I had a go at it and I KNOW that.

...but it's firkin hard without someone to hang on to for safety. And it's obviously hard because I've just now finished writing this entry at minutes to ten AM.

Procrastination is my copilot.