Okay, so here's everything that's gone wrong so far...
My phone got pocket-dialled onto Silent mode so I didn't hear the alarm letting me know it was time to hustle the kids off to school.
I got notified about this when Chaos' bus people called and asked what was going on. We were an entire hour late.
Hustle the kids and their gear into the car at warp nine. Spend three minutes trying to start it. The fucking thing's broken down.
But goose me had to figure this out after drifting halfway down the driveway. Remember this, it will factor in later.
Beloved loans me a spare car and it's pure panic stations all the way to Mayhem's school because FIRKIN TRAFFIC JAM most of the way there.
And I get a little alarm that means that Beloved didn't give me a car with a full fuel tank. Thanks, Beloved. I really didn't need to be panicking about making it to a servo on top of panicking about being LATE and a BAD PARENT.
$60+ that I can't afford later, we're on the road and I'm not too certain of where exactly Chaos' school is, so I get her to dial up Google Maps and look up her school. And we had slow traffic most of the way there, too.
Things go immediately hinky when I take what I know to be a correct turnoff and my phone thinks it's the wrong one.
So every time I think I'm there, I slow down, only to find out that I'm not there yet and I have to keep going.
Get there at last, just as someone rings a bell. Chaos is in hysterics. She's not only tardy, but she thinks it's literally the end of the universe. I can sympathise, but it's not worth screaming about, kiddo.
Seriously, she was lying down on the ground with her hands over her eyes and crying because the gate was locked and she didn't want to be even later.
I got Siri to take me home and damn, that bitch wouldn't shut up.
Got home (as you can tell) and discovered that Beloved hadn't charged the car and it's still in prime, Fuck You position in the middle of the damn driveway. Beloved's excuse? "Yeah I got movers coming over [in two hours] so I'll charge it later."
I'm all, "You need to shift the car out of their way before they get here or they'll fuck it up worse."
Quoth Beloved: "It's just a moving van, they won't have any trouble."
Tell me that when they've not only crunched my car, but turned it sideways and I need a new fucking car on your dollar, love. I tried to warn you, but you have your belief that I'm panicking over nothing.
I've had a shitty-arse morning and the clerk at the servo had to say "At least it can't get much worse, right?" Which practically invites the universe to show you just how many 'worsts' it's got.